Self pity mood
 

I have been really in the self pity mood lately. I have been negative and I don't know how to get myself out of this mood this time. I have tried everything. I have been getting mad and angry at myself a lot and can't stop blaming myselfr for little things that I can't change. It says make amends to people but I can't because they are no longer living and I have been carrying this around with me for awhile now and I can't for give myself for doing something to myself either. Can anyone give me advice.
Shana

You sound depressed
 

Sometimes you can't do anything about your feelings other than ride them out. I've been going through something similar myself the past few weeks - the depression I wear is like a shroud and I can't shake it loose. I feel a deep sense of regret for poor choices I've made in my life, so I start beating myself up emotionally. I dredge up crappy things my parents did to me and still feel the sting of the hurt they made me feel. I .... well, you get the picture.

Suggestion: Perhaps you should see a doctor. You might need anti-anxiety and/or anti-depression medication. Will this fix things? No. But it will help level the playing field in order for you to see things in a better perspective. You're beating up on yourself and blaming yourself for things that have happened and can't be re-lived; thus, they can't come out in the way you would desire. That doesn't mean you can't resolve what's bothering you and achieve a sense of peace. I'm a great believer in counseling - talking things out can often help you get a better handle and perspective on why you're thinking the way you are.

I had an interesting conversation today with a man who owns a recovery bookshop. He's been in recovery for 18 years and in Al-Anon for 17 years. I asked him, "WHY am I so damned depressed???" His reply was simply this: "You may never know why. You may never know why you get involved with addicts. But what difference would it make if you knew why? The only thing that matters is DOING something - even the tiniest thing - on a daily basis to feel you're taking a proactive stance to feel better about yourself and to take care of yourself. If it means walking away from the addict in your life, so be it. If it means working towards inner peace, so be it. Just start walking down a road to recovery. The "why's" may come to you along your journey, but don't worry if they don't."

Hello Renee

If you knew me and I knew you... I would be posting fireworks, balloons, and party hats...YIPE A PARTY...opps you said pity party didn't you? *LOL*
OK enough of that...unless I made you laugh a little *LOL*

A very wise man told me this not to long ago...
Amends that can't be made direct can be paid forward.
On my job I will be the best employee I can be to make up for ....
I will do for another today to make up for those in my past ....
The hard part for me has always been forgiving myself.
Till I came to realize that if God being perfect and He has forgiven me with my asking and turning from my bad ways...well I should also forgive myself if for no other reason...out of respect for Him.
here is a link to a thread with JFT on amends as well
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ad.php?t=31939

At a meeting the other night, we were talking about making amends. A person shared that a friend of hers had helped his gf get an abortion and he had a deep sense of regret about it. His sponsors advice was to write a letter to the baby. Perhaps it would help you as well if you sat down and wrote out your feelings to the people you can no longer address face to face.

As another poster said, sometimes we just have to work through the feelings. Treat yourself with love and kindness and try to not reproach yourself for your moods. Try to focus on what you CAN do. You can make a phone call. You can go for for a walk. You can get your hair done, go window shopping, go to church or do a good turn for a friend. What you feel isn't as important as what you do about it. It all takes time, practice and patience. Remember that you are where you need to be.

I get in these modds ro time to time exspecially when I am home 24/7 but i am working on it. I have always beat myself up about things I have done. I know if God can forgive me why can it forgive myself for things I have done? Thanks for the posts it help me a little and maybe writing in my journal more will help this or writing it down then ripping it up. I need to start loving myself for me and not trying to change for other people.
shana

Hey Shana,
I thought that making amends was going around saying I was sorry to everyone. It wasn't what I thought. To amend something is to change. When we change our behavior to reflect the positive things we are learning in recovery, we are making amends. Sometimes we need to apologize, but if we don't change, the apology is hollow and meaningless. The important part of making amends is that we are correcting the things that have caused us and others harm. It is as much for ourselves as the people we are dealing with. Sometimes amends in my behavior actually make others uncomfortable, because my behavior is many times to enable. When I make changes to stop enabling, there are those who aren't going to like it. I used to think that the wrongs I had done to others had made them mad or upset. Many of the wrongs I did were actually invited by others, and when I amended my behavior, that made them upset. I kind of had it backwards. Of course there are things that I do and say that when amended will make the other person feel better, but that isn't always the case. Knowing what the word amend means has helped me a lot. Hugs, Magic