Can't enforce boundaries well with abusive Addict Girlfriend!
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Join Date: Jun 2009
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What do you WANT from her? For 30 years you have known she is an addict, a liar, a cheater and a manipulator. And she is a married woman. What about her is so special that none of those things matter and you are crazy about her?
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 545
I'm sorry that is what I read. Good luck if you stick with her. My question again is what do you WANT from her? She doesn't seem like she wants to be with you. Sorry if this sounds harsh but your pain is obvious and you are prolonging it.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: NY, NY
Posts: 55
Hi kissmy tiara,
I didnt realize this thread was getting so long, HER WORDS are she wants to be with me but her actions are NOT THAT, and have not been since february.
I heard a good expression recently "in recovery we trust actions and not words". Not sure where i heard it, but it makes sense.
I didnt realize this thread was getting so long, HER WORDS are she wants to be with me but her actions are NOT THAT, and have not been since february.
I heard a good expression recently "in recovery we trust actions and not words". Not sure where i heard it, but it makes sense.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,412
I wish you the best wf,
honestly, it sounds as though there is no future with this person.
She is a moral mess and cannot be trusted with your heart.
I hope you get some recovery work and let this situation go.
It really seems to be hurting you terribly and there will never ever be
a way you can control or predict her.
Her actions say to me "I only care about myself" so I think you are quite right
to ignore the words.
honestly, it sounds as though there is no future with this person.
She is a moral mess and cannot be trusted with your heart.
I hope you get some recovery work and let this situation go.
It really seems to be hurting you terribly and there will never ever be
a way you can control or predict her.
Her actions say to me "I only care about myself" so I think you are quite right
to ignore the words.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: NY, NY
Posts: 55
Yes, she has a classic addict attitue of "all about her".
Its almost like a memory by convienience, she can go about blowing me off for hours or days at a clip and suddenly wake up and start bombing me demanding attention like nothing happened with txts like "how come you won't talk to me", or re-justifications of her off-the-radar status, "i was sleeping, I was busy, i was blah blah blah" ZERO HONESTY, ZERO REMORSE.
Kind of like a serial killer, who kills and entire family and apologizes to the survivors "sorry you got hurt" . Or like in the TV show Dexter (a sociopath) was a great line in the final season between him and his gf hannah,, and one of my AGFs favorite lines she uses on me "i did what i had to do, sorry you got hurt"...NEVER EVER ACKNOWLEDGING the wrongdoing "act, lie, cheat or whatever". Really amazing..
Its like I step on your foot, and i say, sorry you got hurt, but i was doing what i had to do.
On her 2nd trip to FLA that was her m.o "sorry you got hurt but i had to go there and do it"....ditto the california sidetrip at tgiving "sorry you got hurt but there was nothing wrong with me going to visit my old friends".
IT NEGATES APOLOGY for the act or telling me to ____myself tgiving eve...which broke my boundary!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its almost like a memory by convienience, she can go about blowing me off for hours or days at a clip and suddenly wake up and start bombing me demanding attention like nothing happened with txts like "how come you won't talk to me", or re-justifications of her off-the-radar status, "i was sleeping, I was busy, i was blah blah blah" ZERO HONESTY, ZERO REMORSE.
Kind of like a serial killer, who kills and entire family and apologizes to the survivors "sorry you got hurt" . Or like in the TV show Dexter (a sociopath) was a great line in the final season between him and his gf hannah,, and one of my AGFs favorite lines she uses on me "i did what i had to do, sorry you got hurt"...NEVER EVER ACKNOWLEDGING the wrongdoing "act, lie, cheat or whatever". Really amazing..
Its like I step on your foot, and i say, sorry you got hurt, but i was doing what i had to do.
On her 2nd trip to FLA that was her m.o "sorry you got hurt but i had to go there and do it"....ditto the california sidetrip at tgiving "sorry you got hurt but there was nothing wrong with me going to visit my old friends".
IT NEGATES APOLOGY for the act or telling me to ____myself tgiving eve...which broke my boundary!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,243
Originally Posted by wantfreedom62 
Hey Hope, thanks you and all for your detailed response.
Have you or anybody in this thread gone to the extreme of no contact, specifically yourself? Did you end up Blocking the persons number and so forth? Or having them show up at your house and demand they leave or you would call the cops?
its a very specific portion of boundaries and the toughest thing for me, is "enforcement".
My addict gf, is extremely willful, cunning, devious and manipulative and no doubt will be back in my town/her hometown soon enough, thats why i thought a postal letter at some point might re-enforce it, once im strong enough.
Appreciate all the feedback, curious if anybody here actually "did no contact", nowadays its blocking calls and texts for starters.
Tnx
.
Have you or anybody in this thread gone to the extreme of no contact, specifically yourself? Did you end up Blocking the persons number and so forth? Or having them show up at your house and demand they leave or you would call the cops?
its a very specific portion of boundaries and the toughest thing for me, is "enforcement".
My addict gf, is extremely willful, cunning, devious and manipulative and no doubt will be back in my town/her hometown soon enough, thats why i thought a postal letter at some point might re-enforce it, once im strong enough.
Appreciate all the feedback, curious if anybody here actually "did no contact", nowadays its blocking calls and texts for starters.
Tnx
.
Before we split up and he was relapsed I forced him to leave my house by threatening to call the police if he didn't vacate. He went on a 2 year binge...
Most of the posters here do not suggest actions that they haven't already found successful. Research the brain and how important it is to break ties if you want to detox from the addiction for this person...
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Location: NY, NY
Posts: 55
Thanks hope, what did you do after the 4 months? Unblock?
Whats kinda funny here, for me, is my phone was always prepaid. You can't block prepaid. I made it post paid so i could get her a cell phone a while back, which i eventually cancelled months ago.
My Gut on this, and its so hard to feel peoples emotions thru chat boards, is that its about my own strength and ability which i can work on in therapy and with specific people from meetings, build my strength to the point that "it doesnt matter what she says".
As i wrote earlier, the worst part about her texts is the blame game, diflection and confusion. If i could get it thru my head it dont matter WHAT SHE THINKS, I think i'll be a winner.
Its all that self esteem issue that gets demolished when one is involved with a borderline.
Tnx.
Whats kinda funny here, for me, is my phone was always prepaid. You can't block prepaid. I made it post paid so i could get her a cell phone a while back, which i eventually cancelled months ago.
My Gut on this, and its so hard to feel peoples emotions thru chat boards, is that its about my own strength and ability which i can work on in therapy and with specific people from meetings, build my strength to the point that "it doesnt matter what she says".
As i wrote earlier, the worst part about her texts is the blame game, diflection and confusion. If i could get it thru my head it dont matter WHAT SHE THINKS, I think i'll be a winner.
Its all that self esteem issue that gets demolished when one is involved with a borderline.
Tnx.
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Join Date: Feb 2007
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How do you know she doesn't already have a record somewhere? This could have happened before.
Originally Posted by wantfreedom62
P.s. as a guy, I dont know how often a guy gets restraining order against a female, unless its like a fatal attraction thing. Again i dont think local cops would do much, other than ask her to leave if she showed up at my door.
I way way way not even close to being strong enough to do that. Anyway, I'll keep reading and sorting it out, but sticking with the phone block.Ultimately a postal letter, might be more effective. I did that years ago with my alcoholic brothers, it shut them up for a few years.but at the time i was with a good therapist, hopefully my new therapist who seems good will keep rebuilding my empowerment, and my attitude will change sooner.
tnx
I way way way not even close to being strong enough to do that. Anyway, I'll keep reading and sorting it out, but sticking with the phone block.Ultimately a postal letter, might be more effective. I did that years ago with my alcoholic brothers, it shut them up for a few years.but at the time i was with a good therapist, hopefully my new therapist who seems good will keep rebuilding my empowerment, and my attitude will change sooner.
tnx
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: NSW, Australia
Posts: 197
If this woman wasn't "stunningly beautiful" (& probably good in bed to go with it) none of you would be putting up with this psycho crap.
Forget about her - what does it say about all the guys who are hanging after her?
Yuk.
Maybe the "stunning" is literal ... you're all sure acting like you're stunned!
Next time you come too - RUN!
Forget about her - what does it say about all the guys who are hanging after her?
Yuk.
Maybe the "stunning" is literal ... you're all sure acting like you're stunned!
Next time you come too - RUN!
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,243
Originally Posted by wantfreedom62
Thanks hope, what did you do after the 4 months? Unblock?
Whats kinda funny here, for me, is my phone was always prepaid. You can't block prepaid. I made it post paid so i could get her a cell phone a while back, which i eventually cancelled months ago.
My Gut on this, and its so hard to feel peoples emotions thru chat boards, is that its about my own strength and ability which i can work on in therapy and with specific people from meetings, build my strength to the point that "it doesnt matter what she says".
As i wrote earlier, the worst part about her texts is the blame game, diflection and confusion. If i could get it thru my head it dont matter WHAT SHE THINKS, I think i'll be a winner.
Its all that self esteem issue that gets demolished when one is involved with a borderline.
Tnx.
Whats kinda funny here, for me, is my phone was always prepaid. You can't block prepaid. I made it post paid so i could get her a cell phone a while back, which i eventually cancelled months ago.
My Gut on this, and its so hard to feel peoples emotions thru chat boards, is that its about my own strength and ability which i can work on in therapy and with specific people from meetings, build my strength to the point that "it doesnt matter what she says".
As i wrote earlier, the worst part about her texts is the blame game, diflection and confusion. If i could get it thru my head it dont matter WHAT SHE THINKS, I think i'll be a winner.
Its all that self esteem issue that gets demolished when one is involved with a borderline.
Tnx.
He did send me emails (I have business emails) and when he did get sober 4 months ago he reached out to me and I contacted him from a different phone so he wouldn't have my number. He is doing great and is in what I believe is authentic recovery and did give him my new phone number and we are now back in contact.
He knows if he picks up a drink and starts acting like a jerk I will block him and go NC. I was NC for a long, long time... about 6 months and he knows I will enforce it.
When my XA is sober he is the most amazing man on the planet... loving, kind, thoughtful, romantic and truly a good soul. I love him awful and he is my soul mate. But he is an alcoholic... one of the worst cases I have ever seen in my life and he knows that I won't ever enmesh my life with his. He lives 2500 miles away now and is working his program and I am working mine. He will be visiting my state next month and wants to see me... I said NO. 1 year. Period.
If he is still sober and has continued to grow and walk with God (the most important factor in our continuing friendship) for a full year then I told him I would meet him in Tahiti for a date. note: I am meeting him in another country and if he drinks I will be out the door in two seconds.
Sober he is a trustworthy man...he would never cheat, lie, steal and is a great person. Drunk he is the devil himself personified. I admire the sober man and detest the drunk.
One of the things I read on here years ago has always stuck with me: You can wring the alcohol out of an asshat and all you have left is a sober asshat. My RXA is not an asshat sober but odds are eventually he will grow careless or complancent and will pick up a drink. It is sad but it is something I am fully prepared to face if it happens with immediately action to protect myself from the crazy train of active addiction.
It sounds like you don't really respect or admire the character of the woman you have told us about yet you have strong feelings of attachment to her anyway. Feelings are what derail us and they are overwhelming and powerful and you have to use every tool of recovery to cut the ties that bind us to a unhealthy relationship.
If you decide she is toxic and unhealthy at this time and go NC you will get your happiness and mojo back FASTER than anything else.
But the choice is yours... life is nothing but a series of choices and our choices determine our destiny.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: NY, NY
Posts: 55
narc addict gf
Hi again hope,
well she is or has been the most charming lovable person in the past for a while, when straight, until the hub stepped in last march and tookover and banned her from talkinng to me. then he moved out, but controls her with money and paying the bills, and she's got a bunch of addict relatives in fla, who leech money from her(his money) , and they all think the same and tell her to stay with him.
Part of the early issues were the fla cuz's son had just started working for them sept 2013 to april 2013. so they were not pro-me.
BUt bottom line its the thinking in the addict, or even non-intoxicated addict which is who i talk to most of the time. The love or sex addiction stuff which Im told is the last to go after drugs, its booze and sex.
If i may ask you, HOW DOES HE KNOW when you go NC that you will not talk to him?
Part of my probelm is acknowledgment of my outgoing data. TEXTS, I dont feel "do the trick". From my own experience, once you reply to someone's text , their previous text is long gone. THATS WHY I THOUGHT>>>postal letter.
I'd be very happy if i could communicate the msg>>>no recovery>>no contact.
Even in the summer when she was doing therapy 2x weekly she more alot more logical and consistently nice.
Was it hard to convey that to your guy? Did it take a while for him to register that point that when you go NC/Dark, its because he's not doing meetings?
I still feel the heroin/coke addict's brain cells denial process are thicker than an alcoholic.
I almost feel she dioesnt GET when i block her. I got a funny feeling she keeps texting.
Its why i think postal letter, "only way we can have communication is if you're in recovery working a program with a same sex sponsor".
Love to hear how hard it was for it to register in your guy's head?
Thanks
well she is or has been the most charming lovable person in the past for a while, when straight, until the hub stepped in last march and tookover and banned her from talkinng to me. then he moved out, but controls her with money and paying the bills, and she's got a bunch of addict relatives in fla, who leech money from her(his money) , and they all think the same and tell her to stay with him.
Part of the early issues were the fla cuz's son had just started working for them sept 2013 to april 2013. so they were not pro-me.
BUt bottom line its the thinking in the addict, or even non-intoxicated addict which is who i talk to most of the time. The love or sex addiction stuff which Im told is the last to go after drugs, its booze and sex.
If i may ask you, HOW DOES HE KNOW when you go NC that you will not talk to him?
Part of my probelm is acknowledgment of my outgoing data. TEXTS, I dont feel "do the trick". From my own experience, once you reply to someone's text , their previous text is long gone. THATS WHY I THOUGHT>>>postal letter.
I'd be very happy if i could communicate the msg>>>no recovery>>no contact.
Even in the summer when she was doing therapy 2x weekly she more alot more logical and consistently nice.
Was it hard to convey that to your guy? Did it take a while for him to register that point that when you go NC/Dark, its because he's not doing meetings?
I still feel the heroin/coke addict's brain cells denial process are thicker than an alcoholic.
I almost feel she dioesnt GET when i block her. I got a funny feeling she keeps texting.
Its why i think postal letter, "only way we can have communication is if you're in recovery working a program with a same sex sponsor".
Love to hear how hard it was for it to register in your guy's head?
Thanks
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
jmho --
sorry "wantfreedom" I do not see your name matching your actions.
Sounds much more like you want to continue your Drug of Choice -- The Crazy Woman.
When and if you ever do decide to clean up and do want to, you may find some serious Therapy may help.
In the meanwhile, you can continue to "white knuckle dry drunk" it, but I just see misery for you on that path ahead.
sorry "wantfreedom" I do not see your name matching your actions.
Sounds much more like you want to continue your Drug of Choice -- The Crazy Woman.
When and if you ever do decide to clean up and do want to, you may find some serious Therapy may help.
In the meanwhile, you can continue to "white knuckle dry drunk" it, but I just see misery for you on that path ahead.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,062
She will know you went no contact when.... You don't contact her or respond....
It's not really your responsibility to register anything in her head...it's her head to register whatever she wants to process.
No contact is for YOU at this point to save your sanity, wallet, and life from this woman who will continue to leech every bit of strength and self worth you have left.
Just block her, don't respond and get on with your life.
She will move on to another willing target if you quit engaging her...
It doesn't really sound like you are there just yet though...
It's not really your responsibility to register anything in her head...it's her head to register whatever she wants to process.
No contact is for YOU at this point to save your sanity, wallet, and life from this woman who will continue to leech every bit of strength and self worth you have left.
Just block her, don't respond and get on with your life.
She will move on to another willing target if you quit engaging her...
It doesn't really sound like you are there just yet though...
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
Whether she seduced you or not, you still have choices.
Originally Posted by wantfreedom62
Hi All, thanks for the responses.
After i posted this, again i am new, I realized it was in the alcohol board.
Im in this because I was lied and manipulated and sucked into a relationship, in addiction they call it "seduction:" It was never clear TO ME she was married for a fact for 6 months, then its this other states common law thing where it was not what my upbringing considers marriage.
ALanon, where i live has horrible men support (im a guy). Most are living with abusive relationships and justifying it cause of kids, cause of whatever.
Instead of blaming the alocholic as one of you wrote, YES i was getting confusing messages, from alanon men, kinda like yours did >>>pointing the finger at me.
Anyway, Im the single guy, the girl shows up in my driveway, any guy would have invited Mary Poppins in with a bottle of sake. Im not here to defend myself, THIS IS WHAT ADDICTS DO>>>lie, seduce, manipulate, control.
My header was about experience in enforcing boundaries. NO contact, is a huge boundary, has anybody had experience into their own mindset, enforcing no contact, how they got there?
Im finding that its at the poiint that every text, every missed call i ignor, upsets me. Also something i tried to put a stop to this week, she was calling a local guy friend of ours, to see "where i was" or if i was "ok". this is classic addict behavior.
So in confronting him, to stop meddling, (he's alcoholic), at least THAT part of the equation is dead.
Any of you dealt with a heroin addict that drinks? or a similar situation where the abuser "keeps coming back"?
Thanks again.
After i posted this, again i am new, I realized it was in the alcohol board.
Im in this because I was lied and manipulated and sucked into a relationship, in addiction they call it "seduction:" It was never clear TO ME she was married for a fact for 6 months, then its this other states common law thing where it was not what my upbringing considers marriage.
ALanon, where i live has horrible men support (im a guy). Most are living with abusive relationships and justifying it cause of kids, cause of whatever.
Instead of blaming the alocholic as one of you wrote, YES i was getting confusing messages, from alanon men, kinda like yours did >>>pointing the finger at me.
Anyway, Im the single guy, the girl shows up in my driveway, any guy would have invited Mary Poppins in with a bottle of sake. Im not here to defend myself, THIS IS WHAT ADDICTS DO>>>lie, seduce, manipulate, control.
My header was about experience in enforcing boundaries. NO contact, is a huge boundary, has anybody had experience into their own mindset, enforcing no contact, how they got there?
Im finding that its at the poiint that every text, every missed call i ignor, upsets me. Also something i tried to put a stop to this week, she was calling a local guy friend of ours, to see "where i was" or if i was "ok". this is classic addict behavior.
So in confronting him, to stop meddling, (he's alcoholic), at least THAT part of the equation is dead.
Any of you dealt with a heroin addict that drinks? or a similar situation where the abuser "keeps coming back"?
Thanks again.
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
I had a boyfriend with "supposed" BPD. I went no contact and he got the message I was no contact. They will still try to see if they can get back in but it's up to us to maintain no contact.
Originally Posted by wantfreedom62
Hi again hope,
well she is or has been the most charming lovable person in the past for a while, when straight, until the hub stepped in last march and tookover and banned her from talkinng to me. then he moved out, but controls her with money and paying the bills, and she's got a bunch of addict relatives in fla, who leech money from her(his money) , and they all think the same and tell her to stay with him.
Part of the early issues were the fla cuz's son had just started working for them sept 2013 to april 2013. so they were not pro-me.
BUt bottom line its the thinking in the addict, or even non-intoxicated addict which is who i talk to most of the time. The love or sex addiction stuff which Im told is the last to go after drugs, its booze and sex.
If i may ask you, HOW DOES HE KNOW when you go NC that you will not talk to him?
Part of my probelm is acknowledgment of my outgoing data. TEXTS, I dont feel "do the trick". From my own experience, once you reply to someone's text , their previous text is long gone. THATS WHY I THOUGHT>>>postal letter.
I'd be very happy if i could communicate the msg>>>no recovery>>no contact.
Even in the summer when she was doing therapy 2x weekly she more alot more logical and consistently nice.
Was it hard to convey that to your guy? Did it take a while for him to register that point that when you go NC/Dark, its because he's not doing meetings?
I still feel the heroin/coke addict's brain cells denial process are thicker than an alcoholic.
I almost feel she dioesnt GET when i block her. I got a funny feeling she keeps texting.
Its why i think postal letter, "only way we can have communication is if you're in recovery working a program with a same sex sponsor".
Love to hear how hard it was for it to register in your guy's head?
Thanks
well she is or has been the most charming lovable person in the past for a while, when straight, until the hub stepped in last march and tookover and banned her from talkinng to me. then he moved out, but controls her with money and paying the bills, and she's got a bunch of addict relatives in fla, who leech money from her(his money) , and they all think the same and tell her to stay with him.
Part of the early issues were the fla cuz's son had just started working for them sept 2013 to april 2013. so they were not pro-me.
BUt bottom line its the thinking in the addict, or even non-intoxicated addict which is who i talk to most of the time. The love or sex addiction stuff which Im told is the last to go after drugs, its booze and sex.
If i may ask you, HOW DOES HE KNOW when you go NC that you will not talk to him?
Part of my probelm is acknowledgment of my outgoing data. TEXTS, I dont feel "do the trick". From my own experience, once you reply to someone's text , their previous text is long gone. THATS WHY I THOUGHT>>>postal letter.
I'd be very happy if i could communicate the msg>>>no recovery>>no contact.
Even in the summer when she was doing therapy 2x weekly she more alot more logical and consistently nice.
Was it hard to convey that to your guy? Did it take a while for him to register that point that when you go NC/Dark, its because he's not doing meetings?
I still feel the heroin/coke addict's brain cells denial process are thicker than an alcoholic.
I almost feel she dioesnt GET when i block her. I got a funny feeling she keeps texting.
Its why i think postal letter, "only way we can have communication is if you're in recovery working a program with a same sex sponsor".
Love to hear how hard it was for it to register in your guy's head?
Thanks
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
YOU go NO CONTACT - you refuse any type of contact and you do not initiate any. you do not expect HER to honor it, get it or see the light. you get out of HER head. quit analyzing HER issues to death. you quit splitting hair's about what TYPE of addict is more difficult. you put a brick wall that she cannot get thru. you quit sending texts, letters, notes tied to pigeons.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Originally Posted by wantfreedom62
If i may ask you, HOW DOES HE KNOW when you go NC that you will not talk to him?
For my first attempt to break it off I did the usual attempt to let him down easy. "I'm just not ready to date." (Which was true, but not the entire truth, you know? I wasn't ready to date AND I didn't want to date him. I just didn't want to be mean.) He didn't want to hear it and tried to explain to me why I didn't want to let a nice guy like him go. So I tried to spell it out very specifically but shortly: it's not working; I do not want to date you; leave me alone.
Even after that, BadDate would text me constantly, he'd be sweet like I hadn't told him to go away; he'd offer to take care of things around my house that he noticed needed work when he drove by; he had my driveway plowed; he proposed marriage via text. When that didn't get a response, he'd switch gears and started accusing me of punishing him for AXH's behaviors. I caved in and responded via text to try to clarify that the reason I told him to go away had nothing to do with AXH. He saw it as confirmation that I wasn't ready to end our dating, and his attempts at contacting me and getting me to respond tripled. We did a couple rounds of this exchange while I started reading up on stalking.
One of the books I picked up was Gavin de Becker's The Gift of Fear. I don't agree with everything in the book, but there's a really good section in it about dealing with people who just don't hear 'no.' The basic premise is: any contact (even being told again to go away) is viewed as an indicator that contact really is desired and that they do in fact have a chance with you. The book noted that the best thing to do is to tell them once, and once only, that you will no longer have any contact with them. Do not cave and respond to any overtures or attempts that person makes after that point, because they'll see it as an opportunity to stick their foot in the door to keep it open.
Another point the book makes, is that the letting down easy attempt does not work for people who do not want to hear "no." It has to be spelled out and it has to be clear. There's a reason my "I'm not ready to date." didn't work on BadDate. He heard "yet." at the end of the statement and thought he could change my mind.
My experience with BadDate fit within the information in that section. Once I stopped responding to his cr-p, the number of attempts he made dwindled. The last time he attempted to contact me was mid-October.
I'm kind of guessing that your AGF, might be one that won't hear the letting you down easy as a true break up. And I'd guess that she'd take any contact from you as proof that you really do want to see her, you might just be confused.
Wishing you peace and continued strength.
Not waving, but drowning
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 423
I agree---Gavin De Becker's book is very helpful on dealing with stalkers and those who don't hear no.
You have to resist the idea that you can explain why you are going no contact. Let that go. You have to resist the idea that the other person will "know" you've gone no contact. Let that go to.
I went no contact with an ex, and after 8 months he sent me a "merry christmas" text. I thought for a second about just texting back "merry christmas". What kind a of grinch am I if I don't text something back?
But then I realized, he's trying to suck me back in. If I write anything at all, I'm signaling to him that I'm willing to engage. So no, I didn't respond.
If you want to, you can do this. But you can't give mixed messages and then be annoyed that it isn't working.
You have to resist the idea that you can explain why you are going no contact. Let that go. You have to resist the idea that the other person will "know" you've gone no contact. Let that go to.
I went no contact with an ex, and after 8 months he sent me a "merry christmas" text. I thought for a second about just texting back "merry christmas". What kind a of grinch am I if I don't text something back?
But then I realized, he's trying to suck me back in. If I write anything at all, I'm signaling to him that I'm willing to engage. So no, I didn't respond.
If you want to, you can do this. But you can't give mixed messages and then be annoyed that it isn't working.
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