PippiLngstockng

I don't want one. They yell at me and act like I am supposed to know all the ins and outs of everything. But I am not a lawyer and none of them have done anything but take all my money.

So I don't want any more lawyers. Right, I just said that!

If I don't get a lawyer I stand to lose everything. Retirement, belongings, house, even the right to choose where I live.

But they took everything I gave them and so what do I pay them with now?!

I spoke to a new one today and she wants a huge retainer and says this thing could get much worse.

The free legal services people won't deal with me.

I could represent myself. Fine.

But then who is caring for my children? And how do I go to my training program and getting a career launched and keeping the house together?

The lawyers say pay for more lawyer.

Did I mention that they have done nothing to help me?

I so want to do nothing and just stand there. . Work on my career and let him have it all.

Can xah take the air I breathe, too?

Any thoughts as to whom I could go to with this would be highly appreciated on this fine day.

In the meantime, I had a great time with my girls. What does he want with all that big house, anyway? It would be creepy having all that space and stuff and time and money, and four children and a wife gone far away. Not hardly even wanting anything he has any more.

hopeful4

Pippi...have you thought about looking up any attorneys that represent women or wifes of addicts pro-bono? I have no idea if there are any other there even, it was just a thought.

Good Luck and God Bless!

Hammer

I want a Happy Hippopotamus.

But life seems to work without one. Go Figure.

What do you expect a lawyer to do for you?

PippiLngstockng

Thanks, hopeful! Not sure about how to find someone pro bono but I will try!

Hammer, a divorce would be nice.

You haven't walked this particular path. I want to be as done as possible with xah. I am pretty sure you can't relate to having a person control you and your children financially.

Better for everyone that you stick to what you know something about. I promise you, your comments in this particular regard in the past don't show you at your best.

Upsetnneedhelp

I think the new lawyer is wrong. It can't get much worse than it already is. Lawyers were eager and nice when I would hire them to defend my son but when they found out I was running out of money they left.

Hammer

As nice as things get, I suppose.

So why do you not have one, if that is your heart's desire?

Well that is probably true, when it comes to intolerable things, I tend to change the rules or change the game.


Well probably true dat, too.

I guess I do not and never have seen you as a victim.

So I think you will figure out things on your own.

until then . . . .

Let Go and Let Lawyers.

Stung

I don't know how things work in Europe, but I know that in my hometown some firms will offer up probono services for small cases or probono advising. Unfortunately, I don't think an international divorce will be one of those cases. I think the international nature of your divorce is what makes things tricky, i.e. time consuming, i.e. expensive.

My husband's business partner is currently dealing with an international divorce between France and California. They've been working on their divorce for 5 years now. Still not finalized. :/

Seren

I think Stung is right, but I know you already know that the international angle is what makes your situation much more complicated and expensive.

I realize that you are working toward getting a job and citizenship in the country where you now live. Have you inquired about something similar to the Domestic Violence services offered here in the US in your country? I know nothing about these things, but it might be helpful to inquire about any legal advice or services they could provide for you.

Come and vent here anytime you need, Pippi!

MissFixit

hi pippi

i was thinking about your situation. have you ever heard the phrase, you can have everything, but you cannot have everything at once?" i think that applies to your divorce.

there is no way around it and i know that you know this, but your lifestyle and your kids lifestyles are not sustainable given the information you have listed in your posts. i write this as your friend, not to hurt or diminish you. but to EMPOWER you.

the reality is that you need money to live. no money, then no food, housing or winter coats for kids. the amount of money anyone needs varies depending on lifestyle. your ah is your only income source. he is unreliable. better put, your current (not only or forever) income source is unreliable. so you need money. and you need money each month at regular intervals. options: child support (unreliable), job income (you control), investments from divorce settlement (might/will likely take several years...can you afford to wait that long? is money enough to pay off debt you will incur during that time?)

that is AWESOME about the job prospect. do you have a time frame for the training to start? is training paid?

you are in an unfair situation in some respects. but you are in a privileged position in many ways too. what you deserve or want and what you will get are two VERY different things.

if ah is willing to give you kids (i assume he is, if they are in europe with you), then do you need a lawyer? lawyer is more for financial settlement at this point? he knows you want money, so he will fight you (rightly or wrongly). lawyer will cost money you don't have. some lawyers might take a percentage of your settlement, but that will be a big percentage and will still require a retainer.

is fight worth it?

is fight even possible?

PippiLngstockng

I am really appreciating your feedback, and I am so impressed with those of you who are following along with this story, because it is complicated.

To back track one sec, my lifestyle was affordable when the divorce was scheduled to take place in Europe. Here, they would have given me enough child support to stay on my feet.

Then last summer the US took jurisdiction and the amount of support dropped by 40%, roughly. Stupid US. Sorry.

Then I have spent money on my lawyer to get the temporary support amount raised, but to no avail.
Then all the lawyers start screaming, 'money!' and I can't pay them anyway because they failed me, as I see it. The support should have been higher.

Now I have to shift the whole situation. By launching myself on this career path, and probably getting some kind of part-time work at the same time.

Can I delay the divorce until later? How late can a divorce that is underway be delayed?

I think this is the best strategy. Maybe the judge will be willing to give me some time til I can get on my feet? Three months? Six?

When an income starts coming in then xah has nothing left to argue about. Everything here will be set and there will be nothing he can do to make me leave. I will be able to secure a cheaper apartment and pay my bills. I will be back to having a man in my life and around here, that is usually someone who has substantial financial security, to put it bluntly. Not something to plan on, but I foresee a change in this direction.

My children will emerge from their schools perfectly bilingual, with strong backgrounds in a third language, and well prepared for successful careers.

The big picture is emerging. His whole strategy has been to slowly, patiently let the debt accrue so that I lose my footing here. Then he goes into a battle for the children to live in the US, on the grounds that I can't provide them with what they need here.

Well, he also tried to convince the children they would be happier living in the big house back in the US of A. From what I see, that effort completely failed. He scared them when they were staying with him. They fell into submission, but now that they have been out, they are so good and helpful and kind. I have never seen them so glad to be here and have me be their mama.

Everything seems clear. The lawyers, lawyers, lawyers get in the way, way, way. They take all of my time and money, and I have precious little of each.

Thank you, as ever, for puzzling this thing out for me. It is so much less scary when there's someone(s) objective to hear me!!!

Chantal88

Pippi -

Have you considered forgoing the lawyers and consulting with a mediator? It may not be too late for that.

C

PippiLngstockng

Miss fixit,

Thank you for seeing the situation clearly. Yes, with current levels of child support, and mental state of Mr Longstocking, our family lifestyle is unsustainable, particularly because any additional resources have been/are going to crazy not helpful rather unpleasant lawyers.

My training program begins March and ends June. My family will help me out in the meantime. I am totally clear that the path was revealed to me immediately upon my return here last Monday and will deliver us from the uncertainty of our current situation. One message from my HP was all it took to propell me to action. Thank you, my higher power for bringing me this marvelous clarity.

I knew I'd be ready when it was time.

Chantal, mediation would be great and xah's lawyer thinks so, too. So do our European lawyers. We asked before Christmas and he refused. Maybe with the children's visit behind him, xah will be more ready. Beats him spending everything on lawyers that should be going to the children.

I do need someone to tell me if I can put the brakes on the divorce process for a time, if mediation is a no go with xah.

He doesn't hold to anything, nor does he give away any information regarding his intentions. His actions say he wants to force me out of this lovely place by making our situation untenable.

I am holding on with everything I've got. My life, my friends, my future, my joy is here.

A colleague once told me to hold on to my entitlement. A descendant of house slaves and a friend to today's poor, this was a thought- provoking comment he delivered to me that day. He would tell me today to keep hanging on. And I will!

Florence

I'm charging my divorce on a credit card and working two jobs until I can get the debt paid down. I'm at $0 every time my next paycheck comes around, but I will have the benefit of financial and legal freedom from his mistakes. So, take my bad advice and get a bunch of credit cards.

Is there any reason why you have to be divorced from him right now? Or can you let this linger indefinitely?

Florence

Oh, also? US judges do not look kindly on parties in a divorce who turn down mediation. AT ALL.

MissFixit

sounds like you are forming a game plan. great!

your family is really awesome to help you through the next 6 months.

Upsetnneedhelp

Pippi, there are internet dating sites that can help you meet a wealthy man. I'm glad the US did not appeal to your kids.

Sungrl

Seriously?

PippiLngstockng

Hammer

ROTFL. This is starting to sound like Joe Millionaire.

Joe Millionaire - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I was only going to suggest she find one of the offshore $29 divorce deals, like the Dominican Republic, or something.

But this Joe Millionaire angle -- I like it.

PippiLngstockng

What makes you think I am looking for a wealthy man?

Trouble is, they keep going after me :-)

My daughter keeps current of those she refers to as 'Mommy's admirers'. But none of them can run half as fast as me!