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Old 01-09-2014, 11:59 AM
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Taking back what is mine!
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Hey

Hi everyone. I havent been on here much lately, just needed a break I guess or maybe I thought I had it all under control. Im not real sure but I was wrong.

I had been doing counseling once a week and started to really gain some ground. I had distanced myself from him more than ever before and things werent so bad. I finally got up enough nerve to tell him we just couldnt work, I couldnt get past it all and he should move. He didnt flip out, there wasnt much arguing and when he tried I just repeated that it didnt matter, it was what it was and walked off.

Even as I type it wasnt that bad I think oh yea he did blow up and rip up some of my cloths and was caught hiding under my jeep at my aunts house where he then starting kicking it and left 3 big dents in it but considering other events I guess that doesnt seem that bad to me anymore even though a normal person would be outraged. I threatened to called the cops that night and he went back home without another word and woke up only to start trying to convince me we can work all over again. Anyways, being distant and i guess what I felt like was kinda mean was the only way to keep it moving. Then christmas day came, I decided to push it all aside for the sake of a peaceful day for our daughter. I dont know how or why but that gave him the window he needed to work me right back into the cornored scared hopeless person I was before all that work. I hadnt been to counseling for a couple weeks before this so maybe thats what helped him, i dunno. Either way here I am back to being called every hour, threaten, and feeling like I am being forced to stay with him.

He threatened me with a box cutter sunday night. He said something stupid and I barked back like an idiot. He instantly changed, told me if I didnt shut my mouth that he would cut my throat in half I think were his words minus a few choice curse words. I am back at square one and starting over I guess. I start back counseling tomorrow. Filling out job applications today. Anything to keep myself from drowning again.
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Old 01-09-2014, 12:06 PM
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Hi SC, and welcome back !!!!!!!!!

I do think that you already know that all of this is really bad. When we are in these types of situations we tend to minimize things. It's our own denial. I'm glad that you are starting the counseling again, and really glad that you came back here for support.

(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
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Old 01-09-2014, 12:18 PM
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SC, when you see the counselor tomorrow, tell her everything. She will help you to make plans. I know that you must be feeling really confused and unsure of yourself, it helps to have someone keep you on track. The box cutter is showing that he is escalating and escalating quickly. Do what you can to keep yourself safe. I think it is at the point that you need to take action to protect yourself.
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Old 01-09-2014, 12:21 PM
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Welcome back. Sorry to hear you're having trouble, but I think you're wrong about one thing- you're not the same cornered, scared, hopeless person, you're wiser and stronger than you're giving yourself credit for. Slipping back isn't failure, it's slipping. You can climb out of this darkness. Please take care and best of luck on the job hunt!
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Old 01-09-2014, 12:40 PM
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You aren't back at square one at all. You are climbing a HUGE vertical ladder, and slipped a couple rungs. That's all. Back to counseling, back to your plan, and you'll be back to where you were in no time at all. You can do it! Nothing worth achieving is easy, and it's more important than ever to get back on track.

The Jeep and box cutter incidents are TERRIFYING...the anger and fear you must have is GREAT motivation to keep trucking on your plan. We're with you dear....YOU can make 2014 different! PS - you have the right to have someone arrested when they abuse you, your property, and especially when they threaten your life. The police can at least temporarily put a stop to that, and help you prevent it in the future.

Take care - we're all with you, and we're all rooting for you!
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Old 01-09-2014, 12:40 PM
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I am so glad you posted up!! Just this morning I went and searched out your user name to check and see when your last activity was because I was concerned.

Holidays are rough. We all have good days and bad days. I sometimes waver back and forth on my resolve and determination on an hourly basis. I haven't been able to get to my counselor either. First I had the flu, then the holidays and now she is booked until the end of January. It is hard when you don't have that support or a person that you trust to discuss situations with or to give you validation.

Stay strong. Keep posting. We are here for you if you need us!
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Old 01-09-2014, 12:58 PM
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SC, I'm so glad to see you posting again!

I agree with the others who said that you are not back at square one. Many positive vibes and cyber hugs coming your way.
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Old 01-09-2014, 01:06 PM
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It is so very nice to see you again, SC.

We never go back to Square One. Not possible. Square One you was Unaware. I know that doesn't ease the pain of where you are now, but I hope it helps you keep perspective on how far you have actually come. Look over your shoulder and I'm certain you can't even see Square One behind you anymore.
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Old 01-09-2014, 01:12 PM
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SC I am so glad to hear from you. First off...that is a threat of physical violence. You should be calling the police. He is obviously dangerous and I hope you take his threat very seriously. I recommend a very good security system and that you watch your back very closely. Document, document, document. I agree, tell the therapist so they can help you also.

I am sorry SC. I think you are making progress, it is hard. Don't overlook how far you have come. You can do this.

Tight Hugs.
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Old 01-09-2014, 01:13 PM
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The Jeep and box cutter incidents are TERRIFYING...the anger and fear you must have is GREAT motivation to keep trucking on your plan.
YES, yes they are terrifying. Your counselor will help you formulate a plan for how to deal with threats of violence. In the future, if he threatens you like this again, consider calling the police and/or a family abuse hotline as well.

I'm familiar with this -- eventually the threats become to commonplace that there's nothing to say about them. They're just part of the fabric.

But you do need to re-sensitize yourself to this: This is not normal and his threats are not acceptable. You do have options. Empower yourself to take action to protect yourself and your children. This is scary, scary, scary stuff. You deserve better than this. **** him.
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Old 01-09-2014, 01:18 PM
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I'm like everyone else SC
I have often thought about you and I'm glad you're posting again.
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Old 01-09-2014, 01:52 PM
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Hi SC...I'm so glad to see you back! I have thought of you often and you & your little girl have been in my prayers. As others have said, you have made progress and I'm sure you will continue to do so. Welcome back!
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Old 01-09-2014, 07:53 PM
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You can do it...whatever it is, however you can, take your life back. It's easier said than done, but you are caught in the abuse cycle.
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