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New here
Hi,
I’ve been reading posts for a while and thought it’s about time to introduce myself. After several years of trying to repair a broken marriage, I got the courage to divorce my AH. It was the most painful event I’ve experienced but I’m getting through each day with support from friends and family. However, there are still days I’m overwhelmed with grief.
My ex drank in secret. I’ll never forget my surprise when I discovered his stash of empty bottles. When did he consume all of that booze? When he admitted to me he had a problem, I supported him through a treatment program. We went to a marriage counselor to help rebuild trust and communication. I later found out that while he was in the recovery program, he never stopped drinking. It was all an act that I fell for it because I was desperately hoping the kind and caring man I fell in love with would re-appear. I desperately wanted to “save” my best friend from descending the downward spiral. However, after a few more incidents, and lying about mostly everything, I knew there was no hope for us.
I’m in counseling to learn how to cope with the loss of my relationship (and my friend) and not blame myself for the failed marriage. Time and distance are helping me see just how messed up the last few years were. All the lies I put up with, the lack of intimacy, the isolation, my anger and resentments, the changes in his personality, etc. etc. I didn’t see things for what they were because I was afraid to be alone. However, I finally realized that I was already alone in my marriage and I needed to free myself from the stress of wondering if he was drinking in secret or being dishonest about everything else. As I told my therapist, being divorced sucks. But it sucks less than being married to an alcoholic with no interest in recovering.
Reading others' posts have helped me through the tougher days. I want to thank those with the courage to post their stories for it helps to realize we are not alone in our frustrations, disappointments, and heartache.
I’ve been reading posts for a while and thought it’s about time to introduce myself. After several years of trying to repair a broken marriage, I got the courage to divorce my AH. It was the most painful event I’ve experienced but I’m getting through each day with support from friends and family. However, there are still days I’m overwhelmed with grief.
My ex drank in secret. I’ll never forget my surprise when I discovered his stash of empty bottles. When did he consume all of that booze? When he admitted to me he had a problem, I supported him through a treatment program. We went to a marriage counselor to help rebuild trust and communication. I later found out that while he was in the recovery program, he never stopped drinking. It was all an act that I fell for it because I was desperately hoping the kind and caring man I fell in love with would re-appear. I desperately wanted to “save” my best friend from descending the downward spiral. However, after a few more incidents, and lying about mostly everything, I knew there was no hope for us.
I’m in counseling to learn how to cope with the loss of my relationship (and my friend) and not blame myself for the failed marriage. Time and distance are helping me see just how messed up the last few years were. All the lies I put up with, the lack of intimacy, the isolation, my anger and resentments, the changes in his personality, etc. etc. I didn’t see things for what they were because I was afraid to be alone. However, I finally realized that I was already alone in my marriage and I needed to free myself from the stress of wondering if he was drinking in secret or being dishonest about everything else. As I told my therapist, being divorced sucks. But it sucks less than being married to an alcoholic with no interest in recovering.
Reading others' posts have helped me through the tougher days. I want to thank those with the courage to post their stories for it helps to realize we are not alone in our frustrations, disappointments, and heartache.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: somewhere south
Posts: 510
I identify so much with your post! Thanks for sharing. I am finally at the point where I feel I need to divorce my ADH. Mine drinks in secret too and hides it from me so there is that same dishonesty. He refuses to go to a recovery program because "he can do it on his own" (secretly hiding it from me is his solution). The lies, dishonesty, lack of intimacy, anger, resentment are all there too and not what I envisioned my marriage to be. I finally see that it is better to leave and I'm getting my ducks in row (we have kids which complicates things). I just wanted you to know you are not alone and I am glad to hear that being divorced sucks LESS than being with an alcoholic with no interest in recovering. Hang in there brighter days are ahead for you and hopefully for me too.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
Hey there and welcome, thanks so much for the post.
The disappointment of the failed relationships with A;s is pretty dark. I have to agree with you there.
It took a lot of courage for you to take your life back. I'm so glad you finally posted and I hope you continue to do so.
If you were standing right in front of me I would give you a huge hug, your post touched me right in the middle of my heart.
sending lots of love your way, Katie
The disappointment of the failed relationships with A;s is pretty dark. I have to agree with you there.
It took a lot of courage for you to take your life back. I'm so glad you finally posted and I hope you continue to do so.
If you were standing right in front of me I would give you a huge hug, your post touched me right in the middle of my heart.
sending lots of love your way, Katie
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Originally Posted by BrokenDrum 
I didn’t see things for what they were because I was afraid to be alone.
I saw a collar. Like a big dog collar. It was yellow, like the new plans are for "bad" dogs. So folks have a warning. Looked at tag. Turned out it was "my" collar. Said:
Name: [Hammer]
If Lost Return To: [Mrs. Hammer]
That lost and alone stuff can seem scary.
However, I finally realized that I was already alone in my marriage and I needed to free myself from the stress of wondering if he was drinking in secret or being dishonest about everything else. As I told my therapist, being divorced sucks. But it sucks less than being married to an alcoholic with no interest in recovering.
Reading others' posts have helped me through the tougher days. I want to thank those with the courage to post their stories for it helps to realize we are not alone in our frustrations, and heartache.
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