readerbaby71

I talked with him last night. The staff at the inpatient center said he is ready to come home Monday. It will be three weeks that day. I can tell he's put everything he has into this and really wants to get well. He already has a plan for his continued recovery and called his therapist to set up an appointment for Wednesday. Apparently the staff at the rehab are stellar, and he said the program has been amazing in helping him transform his way of thinking.

He also said that we have a lot to talk about. I am really looking forward to that conversation.

On another happy note, my pipes that were frozen thawed without bursting or cracking, thank god!!!!!! Actually, when I was talking with him I said, "I need you sometimes you know, even if it's just to tell me everything's gonna be okay." I don't know if it was an appropriate thing to say but it's true. I've been taking care of so much since he's been down that I thought it would help to let him know that he is important, he is useful and he is competent. I can't do it all emotionally or physically and I don't want to.

I have been doing a lot of work on myself and it feels great. I've been trying to live my life more consciously and focus on the positive. Yoga, breathing and journaling every day help. I know it's not going to be all sunshine and roses when he gets back but I'd rather look at the positive than automatically assume things will go to %$&@ again.

Anyway, thanks so much for all your love and support. It means the world to me.

atalose

Glad your pipes didn't burst!!! And happy to see you are in a positive state of mind. I think as long as you focus on you and allow him to focus on him and his recovery you'll remain balanced.

Much like we focused so much on their drinking if we focus too much on their recovery and what we think they should be doing snd when, we tend to slip and slide back down to where we were prior to them finding recovery.

What I learned to do is listen, just listen and understand that I didnt always have to have an answer sometimes it's all about just listening. I used to think that I always needed to have a come back, some kind of words of wisdom or something when really all I needed to do was listen.

FireSprite

What a great update readerbaby, I'm so happy today is better for you! (and big sigh of relief on that frozen pipe situation, whew)

I agree with atalose about listening - we tell chatterbox DD to stop Broadcasting when she should be Receiving. Seriously though, I truly believe effective communication comes from both verbalizinig your thoughts well & actively listening when others speak. I have to keep this in check sometimes during disagreements - it's so easy to interject my opinions before hearing everything the other person has to say.

hopeful4

That is great RB! I am glad your pipes did not bust and so glad you are focusing on you!

readerbaby71

I really appreciate the advice on listening. I have a huge problem with interrupting. Not necessarily because I want to talk over people. I just get really excited and start babbling. I also have to refrain from suggesting what he should do about this or that. I found myself doing that last night on the phone. ARGH! It is one thing I really can't stand about myself and need to consciously be aware of.

m1k3

Good luck with all of this. I wish both of you the best.

Your friend,

Hawkeye13

Sounds great RB!!!

We are all rooting for you.
Please keep us posted how things are going

readerbaby71

Speaking of listening more and talking less.......I think I'm going to read this book.

http://www.shambhala.com/books/happy...unication.html

The Five Keys to Mindful Communication

Good communication is essential to any healthy relationship, whether it’s between spouses, family members, friends, or co-workers, and mindfulness—the practice of nonjudgmental awareness—can help us communicate more effectively and meaningfully with others in our personal and professional lives. Here, Susan Chapman, a psychotherapist and long-time Buddhist practitioner, explains how the practice of mindfulness awareness can change the way we speak and listen, enhance our relationships, and help us achieve our goals.

Chapman highlights five key elements of mindful communication—silence, mirroring, encouraging, discerning, and responding—that make it possible for us to listen more deeply to others and to develop greater clarity and confidence about how to respond. Other topics include

identifying your communication patterns and habits;
uncovering the hidden fears that often sabotage communication;
staying open in the midst of difficult conversations so that we can respond wisely and skillfully;
and learning how mindful communication can help us to become more truthful, compassionate, and flexible in our relationships.

SparkleKitty

RB71, I am the exact same way. If I could talk over other people's posts in the middle of them right here on this forum, I probably wouldn't be able to help myself. What snags me every time is that I get so caught up in what I WANT to say, or in SAYING it when I can't hold back -- that I miss whatever it is the other person is saying. I miss THEIR point (and often? THEIR point is the same as whatever point I want to make).

I have been consciously working on this for over a year. Just shutting up and listening. I keep a pen and note paper handy in meetings so I can jot down a word or two that reminds me of whatever thought is clamoring to be articulated -- more and more often, just getting those key words down on paper is enough to calm me enough to keep paying attention to whomever is speaking.

Also I have learned that displaying the patience and wherewithal to listen and absorb before responding often helps my own contribution go over MUCH better than if I had shrieked it out like EVERY instinct in my body was telling me to!

Good luck with everything (and great news about your pipes -- I was so worried about you yesterday)!

readerbaby71

LOL! I think a lot of my bossiness and talking over people comes from being the oldest of seven kids. You had to be loud to be heard.

and thanks......I was worried about it too.

FireSprite

LOL - if you could hear our conversations at our house & count how many times one of us has to say, "You aren't even letting me finish before you start talking!" ha!

For a long time RAH accused me of this (rightfully, "Hi, I'm FireSprite & I'm an Interrupter") but it wasn't until I shut up that I noticed & was able to point out that he is just as guilty of the same! Yeah, no wonder we communicated poorly for years.

Looks like a good book Reader - let us know what you think of it. I'm putting it on my wish list for work because we use materials like this all the time in our team building exercises.

I'm getting ready to go back & re-read "Who Moved My Cheese" because I think I could use a refresher, lol.

Raider

It is overwhelming coming out of rehab. They don't know how to act and neither do you. I found the constant questions about drinking exhausting. "Are you thinking about drinking? Is it easier now? When is your next meeting? How do you feel? Are you sleeping better? Are you eating better? Do you want one now? Are you dreaming of drinking". Ugh. I understand that the one we come home to wants to know, but sometimes we don't even know. Just my opinion. Good luck and blessings on you and your family.

SparkleKitty

I just ordered that book for my Kindle -- thanks!

readerbaby71

(rightfully, "Hi, I'm FireSprite & I'm an Interrupter")



Ahahaahahah! You guys are cracking me up.

FireSprite

Thanks for this - I hear myself doing it at times without meaning to. Good reminder.

readerbaby71

Thanks, Raider. I am going to check myself on this too. I understand because I've suffered from depression and drinking issues myself. It's super annoying to have someone asking you how you are every five minutes.

I hope you're doing better. Wishing you much strength and healing.

Hammer

GREAT Explanation of the experience.

Thank you.

From the other side -- it sort looks like the A has "lost" their mind.

RB -- I would say, back way off -- not distance or cold, but just to give him plenty of space. Be kind and gentle -- his Emotional Amplifiers will be set to 11 (on a 1 to 10 scale).

You work on YOUR side, let him work on HIS side.

Remember to Make It . . . . You BOTH have to be doing YOUR OWN parts.