Mango blast

Intro yesterday, now day one. Learning a lot about AH & I. Not looking forward to our sessions together, but I should be. So much screwed up that I didn't notice because of the drinking. Homework tonight was to go have fun. Went to the movie theater and did enjoy that. Still need to do last night's homework telling AH specific ways his drinking has effected me and how I felt on those occasions. I have a lot of work to do with communicating with him. He's been going through menthol cough drops like crazy. Says he's been fighting a cold, but something about it is setting off red flags for me. It seems obsessive. He's been calling me yesterday and today to pick them up and remind me. He can't buy them there again until Wed but maybe they're sold out. The cough drops get approved before they're given to him. He also said they're going to put him on pain meds for his back pain. He's been taking ibuprofen for the past few weeks ... basically since quitting. He could have gone to a massage therapist before coming here but wouldn't make the call or take the time.

Anyway, I could use some prayers and support. Thanks for all the help on the way here. The progress I made for myself before this is invaluable. So much I have to work on and digging deeper. I'm not ready for this, but I have to be.

MissFixit

hi

glad to hear you are sorting things out with ah.

as long as the cough drops are approved by the rehab, probably not a big deal. gives him something to keep occupied with as he withdraws. when my ex withdrew he was really into drinking water and eating sugar (there is something with alcoholics withdrawing and not having the sugar from the alcohol and their bodies crave it). his rehab even had a fridge with loads of sugar junk food.

Mountainmanbob

people in early treatment are known to
pick up little habits such as this
I would have ate 25 popsicles at night if I could get them

Mountainman

Florence

My AH became a major sugar addict: candy, ice cream, lozenges, you name it. It's really common. It freaked me out at first, too, but I was edgy about his addiction in general and on high alert for red flags. We are divorcing now, but looking back I should have spent that hyper vigilance on my own recovery.

FireSprite

Sugar was big for RAH when he first got sober too. Candy, cupcakes, cookies in volume. He still craves sweets more than he did while he was drinking but no where near the volume he was going through in the first 6 months or so.

Hopeworks

Sugar is close to alcohol chemically and it does dump feel good chemicals... sugar buzz is real. That is why you see so many donuts and sugary coffees at AA meetings.

FireSprite

Yep, I don't question it. I know alcohol & sugar are not exactly related, but similar in some aspects to the body. My RAF was the same way - higher desire for sweets after quitting alcohol that peaked then tapered.

You should have seen the crazy looks I got when I hit a 70% off on Christmas candy & loaded up on candy bar miniatures to keep in the freezer for RAH.

Recovering2

My RABF sucked lozengers like crazy those first few months, then it tapered off. I'm assuming you give them to the rehab people, then they give it to him. Don't give them directly to him. It has to go through the right channels.

Good for you for attending the family recovery. I attended the week, and it was the single best thing I could have done for me.

m1k3

KeepingTheFaith, just a little reminder. His recovery is on him. If you are uncomfortable with the Family Week or feel he is using it as a place to dump on you, you don't have to take part. Your recovery is yours to manage however you want.

Your friend,

choublak

My boyfriend goes to the AA meetings upstairs from the Al-Anon meetings I go to, and I think almost every one of the AA meetings they have cake that somebody brought. Sometimes it's for somebody's sober "birthday" but yeah there's always cake or doughnuts or something there. I didn't know there was a connection between sugar and alcohol.

CarryOn

RA that I know (not RAH), told me about the connection between sugar & alcohol...said his weakness was Dove ice cream bars...if he had one he would have to eat the whole box. RAH always had a big sweet tooth, but it pretty much disappeared when he relapsed, now that he's in recovery the sweet tooth is back...I'll take it.

Literary reference...if you read Angela's Ashes, you read how the mother would give the babies sugar water in their bottles when they didn't have milk. Interesting to think about the sugar and alcoholism in Ireland at the time.

Mango blast

Thank you, Mike. He's not dumping, trying to get him to open up, and I'm scared of opening up but have an easier time doing it. Just lots of anxiety beforehand. Great counselor for both of us to be working with. His wife has health issues similar to mine so he was able to help AH and I understand what we each need to deal with. Absolutely hard and necessary for me is to forgive myself for things I'm unable to do and not push myself so hard, especially when I'm having good days. Talked a lot about AH, but we also talked a lot about me. We have a lot of work to do individually. It's a really good start. I'm wiped out.

Many thanks to all of you for the support!!!!

Brief thoughts on what I'm learning and adding to what I've learned this past year: frontal lobe, anxiety, alcohol as a crutch, alcoholism. Can scramble that into any order, but that's the order in our immediate family. Some A's may not have anxiety, but it seems to often go hand in hand. Looking into Alpa-Stim treatments to help with this, relapse prevention and pain control. None of that would have made any difference if AH wasn't here in recovery. I'm glad to be learning more about the disease. There really is a ton of work I'm doing on me. Just too tired to go into all of it. I've looked into the Amen Clinics before and am going to pursue that more for myself and will see if AH would be willing to go along. I'm tired of not fully functioning. Tons of progress the last few years, yet I have a lot more healing to do..

Hammer

This is great. Glad for you that the Rehab is doing this for you and the families.

We had no family support from the Rehab center where Mrs. Hammer went. They were pretty much A-holes anytime I talked with them. And they sent her back as a botched Psycho mess and told us to lie to her and tell her she was okay.

Looking back -- pretty much incompetent on any issue other than the addiction(s).

=======

On the other side of things -- trying to turn our very terrible experience into something good, I have been doing Alanon "outreach" type work at a local regional rehab, myself, with some other Alanon groups across our area. We basically go meet the families for an hour, sort of give them a what-to-expect when their family member comes home, but MOSTLY where and how to get help for the family -- such as Alanon, or whatever.

It is NOT the rehab where Mrs. Hammer now works -- she does not know I have been doing this -- even was asking if I was having an affair when I was heading to go one day. Could not tell her what I was doing other than it was something for Alanon.

Sort of flattered that she then went and looked up the regular local meeting schedule to "confront" me with it (that I was not going to a local meeting). Strangely I found that flattering that she is a little possessive of me. Yeah, I know, still a little sick on my part.

============

As far as the alternate addiction aides -- Mrs. Hammer buys chewing gum by the grocery cart load. Guess that works for an Eating Disorder. Dunno. Did not want to mess with anything by asking.

Mango blast

Hammer, I'm glad you were able to find some good in a bad situation. The encouragement to find a good rehab with dual treatment and a family program, along with personal recommendations, made a difference on choosing this one.

Completely exhausted tonight. Didn't eat enough earlier today, but found some good food for dinner. Nothing exciting, but organic and nothing in it I'd react to, so a happy feeling for me. Decided to drive tomorrow even though it's two blocks walking and further to drive. I've been thinking walking=healthy and pushing on when my body cannot take it. I may walk to the hotel room for lunch, but I'll carefully judge that tomorrow. Between running most of the way twice today to get extra things done, and then taking the stairs most of the day to keep up with others, I was being stupid about it.

Groups are great - so many wonderful people on both sides of the addictions. I need to talk less, but I don't think it was too bad today and that's my brain issues at work. I did okay with quietly listening for the most part.