Courage To Change: 01/05/2014
Behold the power of NO
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Courage To Change: 01/05/2014
I was terribly confused about the meaning of "compassion" when I came to Al-Anon. I thought it meant making excuses for the alcoholic or covering bad checks. Al-Anon helped me to find another word for this behavior: "enabling." I learned that when I cleaned up the consequences of alcoholic behavior, I enabled the alcoholic to continue drinking comfortably and acting out without having to pay the price. A more compassionate way to respond to those I love might be to allow them to face the consequences of their actions, even when it will cause them pain.
How do I know whether a particular action is enabling? While this is not always clear, I find it helpful to look carefully at my motives. Am I trying to interfere with the natural consequences of a loved one's choices? Am I trying to do for someone what they could do for themselves? Am I doing what I think is best for me? Do I resent what I am doing? If so, is it really a loving choice? Sometimes the most compassionate thing I can do is to let others take responsibility for their behavior.
Today's Reminder
Today I will remember that I have choices, and so does the alcoholic. I will make the best choices I can and allow others in my life to do the same without interference.
"I must learn to give those I love the right to make their own mistakes and recognize them as theirs alone."
~Al-Anon Faces Alcoholism
How do I know whether a particular action is enabling? While this is not always clear, I find it helpful to look carefully at my motives. Am I trying to interfere with the natural consequences of a loved one's choices? Am I trying to do for someone what they could do for themselves? Am I doing what I think is best for me? Do I resent what I am doing? If so, is it really a loving choice? Sometimes the most compassionate thing I can do is to let others take responsibility for their behavior.
Today's Reminder
Today I will remember that I have choices, and so does the alcoholic. I will make the best choices I can and allow others in my life to do the same without interference.
"I must learn to give those I love the right to make their own mistakes and recognize them as theirs alone."
~Al-Anon Faces Alcoholism
Behold the power of NO
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
That was my morning reading and it was like:
Why are those people writing about what is going on in my life right now? LOL
I have been struggling a little bit with some codependency issues (re my best friend) and the "codie crazy" was starting to emerge. I had to put a lid on it.
Yesterday, I almost went out in the freezing cold (on a Saturday night) to make sure that someone who is choosing to drink non stop had paid his rent!
I could not call him (thank God) because he pulled his own phone off the wall while drunk.
Thanks to the Al Anon program, I caught myself and started laughing. Yes it hurts to lose someone close to the bottle and yes it hurts to see someone kills himself slowly but I am powerless.
"I must learn to give those I love the right to make their own mistakes and recognize them as theirs alone."
Why are those people writing about what is going on in my life right now? LOL
I have been struggling a little bit with some codependency issues (re my best friend) and the "codie crazy" was starting to emerge. I had to put a lid on it.
Yesterday, I almost went out in the freezing cold (on a Saturday night) to make sure that someone who is choosing to drink non stop had paid his rent!
I could not call him (thank God) because he pulled his own phone off the wall while drunk.
Thanks to the Al Anon program, I caught myself and started laughing. Yes it hurts to lose someone close to the bottle and yes it hurts to see someone kills himself slowly but I am powerless.
"I must learn to give those I love the right to make their own mistakes and recognize them as theirs alone."
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