Starting to detach emotionally, and it feels gooooooood.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 485
Starting to detach emotionally, and it feels gooooooood.
I went home when my husband finished binge-drinking on Monday, but things are not back to normal as they usually would be. He's still telling me we should just give it a few months. I'm still looking for a place, and I found a building that would allow my kindergartner to stay at his school, but they don't have anything available yet, so I'm on their call list for when one is available. That's okay, because I can start putting some money aside for the deposit over the next few weeks. I'm not sleeping in our bed, and all I'm focusing on is making the boys happy. I've tried to take my focus off of AH, and put it on the kids completely. I've made a real effort to be relaxed and happy around them, and they're both in really good moods. I don't even engage AH when he tries to argue with me about anything. The nice thing is, I'm not feeling wrapped up in our relationship anymore.
The thing that really solidifies my wanting to move out is his arrogance. You would think after drinking as much as he has been lately and the way he behaves when he does, that he would be humbled and so sorry and embarrassed. I'm starting to see that his apologies are all just talk, because it takes about 5 minutes for him to be back to his rude, ungrateful self. He has just become nasty over the last several months. He doesn't show any appreciation. He has been lying around feeling sorry for himself while he's had time off work. The other night I ran to the store after cleaning all day, and he called because he couldn't find sippy cups, when they were right in front of him in the kitchen cabinet. He actually got mad that he had to look for them. It was a little thing, but I told him I find it disgusting that he would have the nerve to complain about having to look for them, when I have been doing everything around the house. It's like being married to a teenager.
Last night, I was lying in bed and thinking about everything he's put me through. Not so much the actual drinking, but the selfishness. I especially thought about 3 years ago, when I was pregnant with our little one, and I ruptured a disc in my back. I had to go in for emergency surgery because the surgeon said if I didn't, I would most likely be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life (by the way, my OB/GYN was with me and assured me the baby would be safe). I had been in severe pain for days, couldn't even move off of the couch. If it had been my husband lying there, I would have worked my behind off to make sure he was completely comfortable. He didn't do that for me. I called him from the hospital and he was working out of town, and he didn't drive home because he said it was 8 hours away, and by the time he got there, the surgery would be over, and he couldn't let his client down. He came the next night when he got back. If it were him, you couldn't have kept me away.
Anyway, my point in all of this is that I'm finally starting to open my eyes to the reality of my life and how unhappy I've been in this marriage. I'm actually starting to embrace the idea of being on my own. I look forward to retiring to separate rooms at night, because I just can't stand being around him anymore. He's just so rude. He blows up over everything now. It's just insufferable. The boys and I, we laugh and have fun together and act silly. I'm just OVER devoting my time and energies to someone who is a jerk. I see now that I've been blaming his attitude on alcohol, when really, maybe I just married a guy who's not that nice to begin with. If we didn't have kids, I would run and never speak to him/see him again. That's how strongly I feel right now.
The thing that really solidifies my wanting to move out is his arrogance. You would think after drinking as much as he has been lately and the way he behaves when he does, that he would be humbled and so sorry and embarrassed. I'm starting to see that his apologies are all just talk, because it takes about 5 minutes for him to be back to his rude, ungrateful self. He has just become nasty over the last several months. He doesn't show any appreciation. He has been lying around feeling sorry for himself while he's had time off work. The other night I ran to the store after cleaning all day, and he called because he couldn't find sippy cups, when they were right in front of him in the kitchen cabinet. He actually got mad that he had to look for them. It was a little thing, but I told him I find it disgusting that he would have the nerve to complain about having to look for them, when I have been doing everything around the house. It's like being married to a teenager.
Last night, I was lying in bed and thinking about everything he's put me through. Not so much the actual drinking, but the selfishness. I especially thought about 3 years ago, when I was pregnant with our little one, and I ruptured a disc in my back. I had to go in for emergency surgery because the surgeon said if I didn't, I would most likely be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life (by the way, my OB/GYN was with me and assured me the baby would be safe). I had been in severe pain for days, couldn't even move off of the couch. If it had been my husband lying there, I would have worked my behind off to make sure he was completely comfortable. He didn't do that for me. I called him from the hospital and he was working out of town, and he didn't drive home because he said it was 8 hours away, and by the time he got there, the surgery would be over, and he couldn't let his client down. He came the next night when he got back. If it were him, you couldn't have kept me away.
Anyway, my point in all of this is that I'm finally starting to open my eyes to the reality of my life and how unhappy I've been in this marriage. I'm actually starting to embrace the idea of being on my own. I look forward to retiring to separate rooms at night, because I just can't stand being around him anymore. He's just so rude. He blows up over everything now. It's just insufferable. The boys and I, we laugh and have fun together and act silly. I'm just OVER devoting my time and energies to someone who is a jerk. I see now that I've been blaming his attitude on alcohol, when really, maybe I just married a guy who's not that nice to begin with. If we didn't have kids, I would run and never speak to him/see him again. That's how strongly I feel right now.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I agree...good for you! That is super! If we would all take our own advise and look at the actions and not the words of others we would more readily see who they really are.
I too have worked on detatchment and it does feel good. My AH was having an anxiety attack this morning because he had to go back to court. Granted, it was pretty much a mix up and took all of 10 seconds, but he had huge anxiety about going. I was tired and when he was talking about it yawned and I could see the annoyance on his face, that I was not all worried about this. I was sitting there thinking owell...this is all your problem, not mine. That did feel really good!
Progress is a step at a time and each time we take a step forward I believe the positives are amazing!
God Bless!
I too have worked on detatchment and it does feel good. My AH was having an anxiety attack this morning because he had to go back to court. Granted, it was pretty much a mix up and took all of 10 seconds, but he had huge anxiety about going. I was tired and when he was talking about it yawned and I could see the annoyance on his face, that I was not all worried about this. I was sitting there thinking owell...this is all your problem, not mine. That did feel really good!
Progress is a step at a time and each time we take a step forward I believe the positives are amazing!
God Bless!
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