hopeful4

I just want to wish you a Happy (belated) Birthday! I wish I had a magic wand to waive over all of our lives to make us all well. All I can offer is that I am thinking about you and including you in my prayers!

Hugs.

Spinner-007

Hi giliji, I know the feeling. You feel like you're on a quest, playing some kind of detective, and when you find the bottle, you get the 'AHA' moment, but it doesn't end there.

It's because you KNOW there's more and while 2 or 3 bottles are usually enough for any other person, you feel like finding more only solidifies what you already know: he's got a big a problem, and so do you and your family.

But you still have this insatiable need to find the bottles.

Believe me, after a while, you won't have to even look for them.

I retired my Sherlock Holmes hat a long time ago, and 2 months ago i had a half full beer spill out on me while pulling down a pair of old paints from a rack in the basement.

So take heart. Soon, the bottles will start finding YOU if you let it go on long enough.

Sad, but true.

giliji

Thanks unsureoffuture, Things happened so slowly. I started seeing things here and there now that I can look back. Certain things about him that had changed, but I have no idea when. This is so very hard.

Thanks hopeful4!

Spinner I think that's exactly why I look. I'm not looking as intensly, but I still look. Today I looked in the ceiling tiles of the garage. (none there) I haven't found any in a few days and I'm starting to feel that there may not be a problem. But then I found a styro cup that he used for whiskey that wasn't there before. I deeply do not want this to be happening, but I don't really have a choice.

flailing

The other day I was thinking how similar "proving" that your alcoholic spouse is drinking is to the compulsion to prove he or she is cheating on you. Pretty much as soon as you start doubting, it's over. But it seems like nobody can ever just skip to the end. Myself included!

flailing

BTW: I just found my AW's hidden vodka bottle after seeing her leave for German class in an unusually jaunty mood. (Sadly, whenever she's overtly happy, I can be pretty sure she's had a nip or three -- and then it progresses to darker and darker places from there). I actually came on here to ask whether anybody has received any good advice over how to handle secret drinking / the bottle stash. Do you ignore it, or is that enabling? Do you confront them, or is that taking responsibility for their recovery/alcoholism? Seems like it's a Catch 22.

honeypig

I don't think there's a single soul here who hasn't felt exactly this, giliji! I know that I surely have...

Almost a year ago, I was reading the daily page in "Courage to Change" and came across "The 3 A's" for the first time. They are Awareness, Acceptance, and Action. The reading was about how we want to jump from Awareness to Action w/o pausing for Acceptance. It was really appropriate for me at the time, as that is exactly where I was at. I had become Aware of the situation and I wanted to jump right in and FIX it, dammit! I wanted to DO something! My sponsor at the time told me to really think hard about that Acceptance part, to really try to pause and consider before taking Action. What actually would be the best Action? Do I even need to take any Action? Is the problem mine to deal with in the first place? Should I just let things take their course, w/no interference from me? Should the Action be directed at myself and NOT at the person or thing I originally perceived to be the problem?

Those were some wise words, and I find the more I am able to actually pause and accept that I am where I am, that things are what they are, before I decide what action to take, the better things seem to go for me. And guess what? Sometimes after taking the time for acceptance, the decision about action really IS to take no action. That, for me, is a big big change.

And I don't mean this to sound as if I'm advocating doing nothing; if a situation requires action, definitely action should be taken. What I do want to say is that our knee-jerk reaction when we first learn about a problem may not be the best or only way to go.

That kind of rambled off topic, but I hope someone finds some use in it anyway...

TotallyOut

Your situation sounds so familiar, Everytime my boyfriend leaves the house i'm looking for bottles of whiskey or mixed with pepsi or Gatorade. He knows I do this so he has started hiding it at work and his dads storage barn. I don't know why I waste my energy because I can just smell it on him. The only difference is my situation is I don't have any children.