Curious - do you ever hear this from your A?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 35
Curious - do you ever hear this from your A?
Hello,
While I am no longer with my AF, I still talk to him. The other day he said something that was somewhat inconsiderate. While my feelings weren't hurt, I stupidly thought that expressing my thoughts would warrant an apology. (He never apologized before, so why would it happen now- doh! - :headband ) Anyway, when I said "I feel XYZ when you say ABC" he said, "You are just too sensitive". The conversation didn't dive into a an argument because it's not worth it.
Am I alone on this one? Does your A ever reply "You are just too sensitive" when you calmly express your thoughts and feelings?
Hope everyone is having a great day!
While I am no longer with my AF, I still talk to him. The other day he said something that was somewhat inconsiderate. While my feelings weren't hurt, I stupidly thought that expressing my thoughts would warrant an apology. (He never apologized before, so why would it happen now- doh! - :headband ) Anyway, when I said "I feel XYZ when you say ABC" he said, "You are just too sensitive". The conversation didn't dive into a an argument because it's not worth it.
Am I alone on this one? Does your A ever reply "You are just too sensitive" when you calmly express your thoughts and feelings?
Hope everyone is having a great day!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
enforce your boundaries with him. what he thinks of that isn't your concern. i.e. if he says xyz, you politely say i am getting off the phone your comment xyz offended me. goodbye. no explanation needed. if he persists being hurtful, it is up to you to decide what your boundary with that is and whether to engage someone who repeatedly disrespects your boundaries.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
my non-A father is very disrespectful to me and it hurts a great deal. in our 5 minute thanksgiving conversation via phone he told me that i am ruining my life because i am not doing for a living what he thinks i should do and doesn't like that i am not married. i kept having to interrupt his insults and when he protested and called me too sensitive i said i don't want to argue, happy t-day and hung up the phone.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 1,478
Yep, my husband, on occasion, will say something hurtful and when I protest he tells me the same thing, "You're too sensitive like your entire family". Or, another beauty that has come up lately is comparing me to my crazy aunt that was put into a mental institution breifly. It hurts. Hugs to you
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Just another excuse for not taking responsibility for the things they say and do. If this is a regular occurrence, you might want to consider limiting contact with him.
For those living with A's who continually deflect responsibility for being insensitive themselves...this kind of comment says everything about them and nothing about you.
For those living with A's who continually deflect responsibility for being insensitive themselves...this kind of comment says everything about them and nothing about you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
Yup. I've received that response countless times.
Last night we were talking and he told me that I shouldn't tell him certain things. Um, no. I'm going to say whatever *I* feel like saying. If YOU don't like it then you need to sort that out yourself. Saying what I feel like I need to say makes me feel good. If you don't like it then we don't need to talk anymore.
Last night we were talking and he told me that I shouldn't tell him certain things. Um, no. I'm going to say whatever *I* feel like saying. If YOU don't like it then you need to sort that out yourself. Saying what I feel like I need to say makes me feel good. If you don't like it then we don't need to talk anymore.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: My Happy Place
Posts: 700
I always was told that "I take everything to personal". Constantly. He would sit there ramble on about some negative aspect of my personality or whatever and when I tried to speak my peace or explain myself I was always dismissed with that quack.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
Originally Posted by BlueFrancis 
yeh, this is something that has nothing to do with alcohol/drug addiction. lots of people say stuff along those lines during arguements, friends/family/relationships etc.
Enjoying Recovery
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Scotland
Posts: 110
Originally Posted by Stung
Respectfully disagree.
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
I cried nearly every day as a kid, and was told I was hypersensitive or a baby. It wasn't until I wrote my letter to AM as a therapy assignment that I realized the verbal and emotional abuse I was receiving at the hands of AM and my FOO. It's the most common response to anyone expressing a dissenting opinion in my family. You're the one with the problem, you're the crybaby. It could never possibly be something they've done.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
My girlfriends and I talk. They aren't married to alcoholics, I am. I've never heard one of my friends specifically use the term "over sensitive" and my husband wasn't telling me that nonsense until he became an addict. I'm not a sensitive person...until I point out that my addict husband is abusive. Yes, I disagree with your statement.
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
Originally Posted by BlueFrancis
So if you voice your feelings to a family member/friend/partner and they tell you you're being oversensitive and you feel they're in the wrong, they're an alcoholic?
Enjoying Recovery
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Scotland
Posts: 110
Originally Posted by NWGRITS
I think I get what Stung was trying to get at. They may not be an alcoholic, but the people who say those things frequently usually have something going on that makes them project onto other people instead of taking responsibility for their actions. But that is also a very common trait of alcoholics.
Enjoying Recovery
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Scotland
Posts: 110
Originally Posted by NWGRITS
I cried nearly every day as a kid, and was told I was hypersensitive or a baby. It wasn't until I wrote my letter to AM as a therapy assignment that I realized the verbal and emotional abuse I was receiving at the hands of AM and my FOO. It's the most common response to anyone expressing a dissenting opinion in my family. You're the one with the problem, you're the crybaby. It could never possibly be something they've done.
Neither of my parents were alcoholics. That's the only point I'm making.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
