Slightly OT. Quitting smoking and relationship dynamics.
 

Disclaimer: I learn a lot from observing other people interact and try to do so without making others' issues my concern. I also can be judgmental, I call it like I see it. So without further adieu:

My boyfriend's sister's husband is from Spain. He's been a regular smoker, as smoking is more acceptable and common over there. She met him while living and working in Spain, brought him over to the US during a visit back in 2011, that was when he first met the family. They got married this past June.

So, since he's been dating/married to my boyfriend's sister (let's call her Marie), he's been trying to quit smoking, would quit for awhile, then start back up again. His latest "thing" was, he was going to quit when he turned 30 (he turned 29 last month).

Well, a couple weeks ago, Marie and her husband went to Spain for a visit to spend Christmas with his family. He got an MRI while over there because it's cheaper. He's been having problems with a disc in his back and the doctor told him it was due to smoking. So he quit smoking like six days ago.

The other day we rode in the car to visit the grandmother of my boyfriend and Marie, who is in a nursing home. Their mom drove, my boyfriend was in the passenger seat, and I sat in the back with Marie and her husband. Now, these two are the types of people who talk and bicker between each other and generally just never shut up (they're meant for each other, I guess). And they talk in Spanish, which my boyfriend and the rest of his family doesn't understand what they're saying, but I do. So on the way to the nursing home, they start talking about his smoking.

Interestingly enough, Marie is a first-year medical student. She basically gave him what sounded like a high school health class lecture on why smoking is bad, then said "I'm not going to say anything else about it" but a minute later they were arguing about smoking again.
Him: "If smoking is so bad, why don't they have more medication for it?"
Her: "But you're spending so much money on cigarettes"
Then they proceeded to calculate the total cost of cigarettes...in Euros.

It will be interesting to see how long he stays stopped...and where their relationship goes. It's none of my concern, but it's still interesting.

BTW, if you want to say your opinions, you can lol

This is one I'm guilty of! I intended on stopping 3pks ago, even went and bought patches to try the step down thing.

It's scary. I was filled with anxiety the minute I opened what was supposed to be my last pack. Now I don't have a super fantastic ultra religious reason behind my desire to quit but it's there none the less. Still have every intention of doing it. Just had to get over a little speed bump. I've smoked daily (most days hourly) for 19yrs. It won't happen over night. It's an addiction, definitely won't be easy.

I quit smoking 3 times in my life. The first time was with hyponosis, it lasted 16 years. I started again during my divorce. I smoked for 6 years and quit with Chantix. After 6 months, I smoked again for a few weeks and quit cold turkey.

The entire time I smoked, I knew it was bad for me, but smoked anyway. I still miss it, but don't want all the side effects of smoking, like heart or lung disease or even smelling bad.

Some people self-medicate with tobacco and find they are depressed and anxious without it. The addiction to nictoine is physical and psychological. You only quit when you want to quit and even then, you might need help.

choublak, here is my opinion -- You are adorable. And annoying as hell. But totally adorable. I like you a lot. :)

As for the cigarettes, bickering, and all in Español. Thank Goodness they found each other.

Still laughing over the cigarettes . . . causing back problems???? From what? Bending over to pick up the pack?

But it that gets him to stop . . . hurrah for back pain. :)

Apparently there's a place in your back that gets really low circulation, and smoking can crimp the circulation even more.

Would you mind telling me how I'm annoying as hell, so I can work on not being that way anymore?

Absolutely Not!

It is likely part of what makes you adorable.

Really, I regret saying it. I meant it mostly tongue-in-cheek, sort of joking.

Maybe it is like what I joke my style of "love" is.

I used to joke with Mrs. Hammer that while I was annoying, it works like love. My being annoying would make her think of me. If she thought about me, she may think she loves me. So the more annoying I was, the more she would love me.

At any rate, I would strongly suggest to NOT change ANYTHING about you based on the jackass comments of a nutcase on the internet who clearly has more self-problems than you. :) [that would be me]

Really choublak, when you get to your Personal Inventory (Step 4), if you really see anything that indicates you have an issue with that, maybe put on the list for an experienced sponsor to go over with you -- not a nutcase on the internet who clearly has more self-problems than you. [again, that would be me]

But I really do admire you for wanting to be a better you.

Hammer is the most adorable jackass on the internet I've ever met. I'd listen to him. You're not annoying in that "omg just SHUT.UP." sort of way.

Anyway, smoking. Yeah. I've quit... Four? Five times in my life? Maybe. Been quit for two years this time around. DS#2 asked me why I did it, and when I was going to stop. I quit the very next day. It sucks. I still crave nicotine even after two years. Almost went off the deep end a few times. Then that blue-eyed, freckle-faced boy popped into my head and I got over it. I do know that smoking raises inflammatory markers in the body. It also blocks the receptors that allow narcotic pain medication to work. So the back issue is entirely plausible. My joints ached and my Crohn's flared like nobody's business when I was smoking. I've felt pretty well since I quit.

I quit once for eight years straight. Until right before I started again, I didn't even have the desire to smoke.

The reason why it was so easy for me to quit was because I sincerely WANTED to quit. For me, it was my health. At that point I had been smoking like a chimney for about 7 years, and I tend to have respiratory issues anyway. I was worried what I was doing to my health.

Then I split from a 9 year relationship, and it took a while but I think I kind of reverted to an old "comforting" habit ( maybe not quite the right way to put it but oh well).

Actually, now it has been about 3 or 4 years of smoking (you know. I was "just" gonna smoke a little bit until things settled down....mmm hmmm.....) and lately I've been very interested in quitting again.

I definitely want to. I've just gotta figure out some way to never go back. Maybe just reminding myself how stupid it was to start again after eight years quit would suffice. Because really, how STUPID.

BUT, he ain't gonna stop unless he wants to. Not with any real success anyway.

Peace.

You may have meant it as a joke, but I've had people say that I'm "annoying as hell" before. And they WEREN'T kidding. I know because I asked.

Oh, but most of the women in my boyfriend's family are. Some more than others. His take on it is, "you can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your family".

His feet also smell, apparently. She's always complaining to him about that.

Are you privy to this information because you know Spanish?

About his feet - he has to really want them not to smell, and he has to put in the hard work to prevent them from smelling. ;)

Ya know.

What's your take on it?