I'm so confused
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 66
I'm so confused
The more I read the more I wonder if he has a drinking problem or what.
The reason I think he has a problem is because of the bottles I have found. Right now there are 3 in the trash, 2 empties elsewhere and 1 full liter. (he doesn't know that I know this). He had one incident where he was completely wasted. There were little tell tale signs in the past but not any more.
He treats me and the children well. He goes to their games and concerts. He works hard. We don't see him drunk. I don't need to enable because there's nothing to enable.
I don't know when he drinks, only that he does. I don't even know where he gets the money because I handle all the money.
I'm so very confused
The reason I think he has a problem is because of the bottles I have found. Right now there are 3 in the trash, 2 empties elsewhere and 1 full liter. (he doesn't know that I know this). He had one incident where he was completely wasted. There were little tell tale signs in the past but not any more.
He treats me and the children well. He goes to their games and concerts. He works hard. We don't see him drunk. I don't need to enable because there's nothing to enable.
I don't know when he drinks, only that he does. I don't even know where he gets the money because I handle all the money.
I'm so very confused
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 453
Hi giliji,
I guess from what I read in your posts, he may or may not be an alcoholic, but your new awareness of his drinking or potential drinking is causing a lot of anxiety for you. You mentioned in your first thread that you have BPD...do you have a therapist that you work with that can either talk you through this or refer you to an addictions specialist?
It is not our responsibility to diagnose the problems of our loved ones. It is our responsibility to take care of ourselves, to recognize when we are feeling off-kilter and either seek help or provide the self care to address it. Did you try to talk to your husband about this incident & what you have found again? Regardless of whether or not he is an alcoholic, I would recommend reading Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. This book really helped me to see some unhealthy behavior & thinking patterns in myself.
Please keep reading & posting. The people here have a wealth of ES&H to help you through.
I guess from what I read in your posts, he may or may not be an alcoholic, but your new awareness of his drinking or potential drinking is causing a lot of anxiety for you. You mentioned in your first thread that you have BPD...do you have a therapist that you work with that can either talk you through this or refer you to an addictions specialist?
It is not our responsibility to diagnose the problems of our loved ones. It is our responsibility to take care of ourselves, to recognize when we are feeling off-kilter and either seek help or provide the self care to address it. Did you try to talk to your husband about this incident & what you have found again? Regardless of whether or not he is an alcoholic, I would recommend reading Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. This book really helped me to see some unhealthy behavior & thinking patterns in myself.
Please keep reading & posting. The people here have a wealth of ES&H to help you through.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 66
I'm definitely having a lot of anxiety over this. I am pretty stable right now, but I still see a therapist. We have talked about him and what's going on. She has the same advice I am reading here about taking care of myself and my children. I am going to learn to that.
I have decided to talk to him again. We have always been so close. He didn't flip out when I told him I went to Al-Anon. When he went out with our 15yo son, I asked him if there were any open containers. He was offended by that, but I told him I had to be sure. Of course, he could be lying. I don't know.
I will look for that book.
I have decided to talk to him again. We have always been so close. He didn't flip out when I told him I went to Al-Anon. When he went out with our 15yo son, I asked him if there were any open containers. He was offended by that, but I told him I had to be sure. Of course, he could be lying. I don't know.
I will look for that book.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Welcome to SR, Giliji. I don't know, and can't say, if your H has a problem. But I wanted to drop a quick note about another book that has been so, so helpful for me and trying to understand AXH's addiction. 'Under the Influence' by Milam and Ketcham. It has a lot of information about the different stages of alcoholism. I didn't find it until late in my relationship with AXH, but in retrospect, I can definitely see him in their description of both the early and middle stages.
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