frannie

One of the first things I had to get over when my daughter, now 24, went to rehab was the embarrassment of having an addict for a daughter. Our family has always been prominent in town and the family was shocked and decided to let no one know. I was busy having a breakdown so that I did not notice the attitude of total secrecy and shame. In this prominent circle, however, I know of many other children that have problems with addiction, their parents don't ever talk about it, either. I have finally learned that addiction is an equal opportunity employer. I can truly say that I no longer care about social standing in the community..what ever happens, happens withut my imput. I do still live a semi-hermit life. For a long time I would just hole up in the master bedroom and sleep. But now I am making every effort to change...to get out more in the public. Pray for me, that i accomplish my goal and earn my peace of mind. I have learned that social standing is nothing when compared to peace of mind and happiness...and here is a real eye opener..no one really cares...they just take a kind of comfort that if it can happen to one of us...it is alright that it happens to them..an old misery loves company mind set.

best

When sharing some info with my neighbor (our sons were/are friends-age 12 at the time) thinking that as I share this info, he could be prepared for any questions that his son may have. (family member not married and having a baby)

My neighbor put it to me this way....

Hey life happens

BlueMoon

Talking/sharing is what saves us. Sounds like you could start a decent sized Al-anon group - - -

[sad smile] - I vividly remember my mom telling me when I was a young teen and my father had come home drunk, with no car cuz he'd lost it: "Now DON'T TELL ANYONE."
I remember her telling me about something called "AA" that could maybe help him stop drinking - but he couldn't go cuz he was "Too Important" and "People Would Talk." At that point in time, he was a VP of a major world-wide corporation.

15 yrs later when I realized *I* had a drinking problem, i knew i could not go to this AA thing cuz it must be filled with all sorts of "undesirables".
So I kept drinking + using.

8 yrs after that, I literally crawled into my 1st AA meeting.
Imagine my surprise when I saw the woman whos office I cleaned!
In the 12 yrs I've been in the program, I've met doctors, surgeons, lawyers, as well as homeless people - and everyone in between.
The one person who took me under his wing that nite was a scary-looking biker dude. He prob'ly saved my life.

Alcoholism doesn't care *who* it affects, doesn't care what the person's status is, how old they are, how they look.

"Not Talking About It" and/or feeling ashamed cuz someone we love is alcoholic - - - - [sigh] - it just helps it grow.

It has been SO FREEING for me to be able to TALK about it! About MY problems, and here in Al-anon about my AH's problems - oh wait - HE has no problem! sorry, i forgot.
I come here as well to talk about MY PROBLEMS. (glad I caught that!)


Blue

keithcancook

Frannie, we have much in common, including the "hush it up" attitude. In response to that I also devolved into a "semi-hermit" lifestyle. At first it seemed to be due to shame followed by blame and all of it heaped on me by me. Before long I didn't even notice that I was not returning calls or even answering the phone, it had become natural...a way of life. I have found the courage to change (to coin a phrase) as you have and although the change seems slow in coming I am no longer devolving I am evolving. My life seems to revolve around the positive rather than the negative. It has spread beyond the initial problems concerning my son into all other areas of my life. I have finally learned to make lemonade out of life's lemons. When I rise each day it is with eagerness rather than dread. I realize I am riding on a wave that may dissapate but that realization inspires me find ways to keep the wave going. Anything is better than secluding myself and I strive to never forget that...to face fears rather than hide from them. I relish each and every day and thank the Powers that Be that al-anon exists and is strong. It's strength finds its source in you and in me.....keep coming back!

frannie

Don't worry, I will keep coming back...this is the first time that I have found answers and support from any place. It amazes me how much love and support flows from these pages or i guess i should say screens. I am actually glad to be able to get on the site and see what has happened. I get on the site several times a day. I wish everyone knew about this site...I could shout it to the heavens. I just kind of stumbled onto the site while searching the web for alanon chat groups. I have never been able to totally hibernate because I teach high school...and in this town that means that you usually have everyone in class at some time or another. My students keep me distracted from my problems sometimes and i try to always be a positive and Christian example for them. I don't discuss my daughter's problems...that is my burden not theirs. I hope they never have to learn to deal with what i have gone through. Thanks for the support.