He had an affair. I am obviously blind
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 339
Dang this thread is hard to read. You are not an idiot nor are you blind. He was lying and deceitful. It is complety reasonable to expect honesty and trust in a marriage. He screwed that up.
Dealing with infidelity for me is far more difficult than dealing with alcoholism. And neither one is easy.
I learned all I could about infidelity. Time really does help. But the whole experience is soul shattering. My prayers are with you.
And I totally get those feelings of rage too. I think you are very brave for posting your reaction so honestly.
Dealing with infidelity for me is far more difficult than dealing with alcoholism. And neither one is easy.
I learned all I could about infidelity. Time really does help. But the whole experience is soul shattering. My prayers are with you.
And I totally get those feelings of rage too. I think you are very brave for posting your reaction so honestly.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
This is an intense thread, and filled with deep compassion. Many here will have their memories of being hurt by an alcoholic reactivated by Boo's story. I feel the old feelings myself, as I read. I remember. And it was 2 decades ago.
What helped me most, back then, was getting out of the house, away from the alcoholic, and being with people who genuinely loved me, not one of whom was in active addiction. It is impossible to have true relatedness with anyone in active addiction.
And, in my experience, it is common for the alcoholic who is experiencing massive sh** hitting the fan to cry loads of tears.
Then, things calm down, and often, very often, he becomes resentful. He stews. He feels victimized and controlled. He starts to justify in his mind why he had the "right" to do what he did because he just "had" to.
So, it is important to understand that, right now, intensity of emotion cannot be trusted as authentic feeling or authentic change.
Until he has long-standing recovery, with counseling and a program of some kind, there can be no chance of a happy outcome anyway.
I would not want to be in his space, the next several days, weeks, or months.
What helped me most, back then, was getting out of the house, away from the alcoholic, and being with people who genuinely loved me, not one of whom was in active addiction. It is impossible to have true relatedness with anyone in active addiction.
And, in my experience, it is common for the alcoholic who is experiencing massive sh** hitting the fan to cry loads of tears.
Then, things calm down, and often, very often, he becomes resentful. He stews. He feels victimized and controlled. He starts to justify in his mind why he had the "right" to do what he did because he just "had" to.
So, it is important to understand that, right now, intensity of emotion cannot be trusted as authentic feeling or authentic change.
Until he has long-standing recovery, with counseling and a program of some kind, there can be no chance of a happy outcome anyway.
I would not want to be in his space, the next several days, weeks, or months.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: The planet Earth, or at least that's what I've been told.
Posts: 130
Booo,
I think the first step is to get yourself some help. Seek out a therapist promptly and start going every week. A betrayal like that is traumatic and you will need the support.
I think the first step is to get yourself some help. Seek out a therapist promptly and start going every week. A betrayal like that is traumatic and you will need the support.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 216
Since I can't leave, but it's hard to be with him (for those late to the party) we are on holiday in an extremely remote spot with dogs and surrounded by a few holiday priced accommodations. I am fluctuating wildly between being "nice" and being HORRIBLY FLIPPANT and passive aggressive. And when I am, I want to immediately say "I'm sorry" the whole thing is flippin surreal. I am trying to join yet another web board to deal with this, because obviously web boards are my new life, but no one is around to approve on NYE.
I am still in shock with small waves if peace in between which I savor. Happy new year. It's been one of those years I have not hated, was not dying to see go, until about 24 hours ago. Have I said surreal?
I am still in shock with small waves if peace in between which I savor. Happy new year. It's been one of those years I have not hated, was not dying to see go, until about 24 hours ago. Have I said surreal?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Powerless ... and free
Posts: 201
Booo, I am so sorry. Hugs and peace.
I thought my xAH wasn't a cheater. Then I found the emails to prostitutes. That forced me to see him for who he was: A Drunk Lying Cheater.
I got tested for STDs. I found a great therapist (for me). I confided in several close friends. One friend put me in touch with a close friend whom I never knew was dealing with an A spouse. Talking and sharing has deepened our friendship and helped us both.
In therapy, I came to realize that my vodka-fueled active A needed inpatient rehab before we ever approached marriage counseling. He tried to get our pastor to convince me to go to marriage counseling to "fix the problems in our marriage" (i.e., dump on me with NPD lies). I wouldn't budge from my "rehab first before marriage counseling."
The A said words of regret but gradually said more words of resentment, false accusations, lies, and finally abuse. He never did go to rehab. More than a year after finding the first email, and sleeping in separate bedrooms, I finally filed for divorce.
I wish I'd read the advice above about not making yourself a memory bank of pain. During that year, I found more emails, texts, fake FB accounts, dating site posts, etc. More crap, more tears for me. I did this ostensibly to see if the adultery was continuing (it was - at least 5 prostitutes!).
I wish I'd focused more during that time on a healthy recovery for me. I did discover SR then and began reading on alcoholism and on recovery, and I continued (and continue) therapy. I wish I'd gone to AlAnon during that painful horrible time.
Sunshine was a good disinfectant, though. Talking to friends and family (selectively) was an enormous help.
I thought my xAH wasn't a cheater. Then I found the emails to prostitutes. That forced me to see him for who he was: A Drunk Lying Cheater.
I got tested for STDs. I found a great therapist (for me). I confided in several close friends. One friend put me in touch with a close friend whom I never knew was dealing with an A spouse. Talking and sharing has deepened our friendship and helped us both.
In therapy, I came to realize that my vodka-fueled active A needed inpatient rehab before we ever approached marriage counseling. He tried to get our pastor to convince me to go to marriage counseling to "fix the problems in our marriage" (i.e., dump on me with NPD lies). I wouldn't budge from my "rehab first before marriage counseling."
The A said words of regret but gradually said more words of resentment, false accusations, lies, and finally abuse. He never did go to rehab. More than a year after finding the first email, and sleeping in separate bedrooms, I finally filed for divorce.
I wish I'd read the advice above about not making yourself a memory bank of pain. During that year, I found more emails, texts, fake FB accounts, dating site posts, etc. More crap, more tears for me. I did this ostensibly to see if the adultery was continuing (it was - at least 5 prostitutes!).
I wish I'd focused more during that time on a healthy recovery for me. I did discover SR then and began reading on alcoholism and on recovery, and I continued (and continue) therapy. I wish I'd gone to AlAnon during that painful horrible time.
Sunshine was a good disinfectant, though. Talking to friends and family (selectively) was an enormous help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 216
Tonight at midnight was really one of the saddest 5 mins of my life, to add to it all this is our "I love you" anniversary. The very first time we said it was just after mid on a NYE. I would not kiss him, of course, and he started to cry. I started to cry and my little voice "you ruined everything" came out of my mouth.
If there is anything good to be had....anything at all, he's started looking for online recovery until we can get home. I don't want him to be here, until my threads start dropping down, which means I would like to calm down posting eventually. If the A boards are as fantastic as this board is, I don't want to deny him that. This is a magical place, though out the horrible things we share, there is true caring. I told him to find something that they are easy to find. This is such a huge step. You know, the whole admitting you have a problem. This is such a safe place for me and he thinks it's alanon, so maybe he will never look under friends and family if he finds us. Happy new year to us all. We have earned it and we deserve it, if not tonight, soon.
If there is anything good to be had....anything at all, he's started looking for online recovery until we can get home. I don't want him to be here, until my threads start dropping down, which means I would like to calm down posting eventually. If the A boards are as fantastic as this board is, I don't want to deny him that. This is a magical place, though out the horrible things we share, there is true caring. I told him to find something that they are easy to find. This is such a huge step. You know, the whole admitting you have a problem. This is such a safe place for me and he thinks it's alanon, so maybe he will never look under friends and family if he finds us. Happy new year to us all. We have earned it and we deserve it, if not tonight, soon.
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,681
Booo, hi, I feel for you, I have tears in my eyes because I was like your husband. I was a nice person sober but when drunk I am ashamed of what I did. It took my husband walking out after a row, not about my drinking, but then I realised I did not like who I was.
Since that day I have not drank, it's been a rocky road sometimes but determined not to be the jeckyl and Hyde I'd become. We did reconcile but it's a long hard struggle, for me, as my sober self has took over, honest, upright, full of integrity. Drink causes so much evil and badness but we have to want to stop.
I hope your husband takes stock of himself and turns a page to sobriety.
I wish you well, Booo x
Since that day I have not drank, it's been a rocky road sometimes but determined not to be the jeckyl and Hyde I'd become. We did reconcile but it's a long hard struggle, for me, as my sober self has took over, honest, upright, full of integrity. Drink causes so much evil and badness but we have to want to stop.
I hope your husband takes stock of himself and turns a page to sobriety.
I wish you well, Booo x
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
Hi Boo,
it really sounds like you are calming down and keeping away from him, so that is about as good as it gets while you two are trapped together in your cabin. your post reminded me of the initial craziness that i felt upon finding out and the mental and physical shock we go through. it is horrible, but you will feel better in time. i had trouble believing that at the time, but time really does help. it doesn't change anything except you can see things clearer and hopefully learn about yourself and how to deal with others.
i am glad that you are planning to take steps to help yourself. therapy, the medical testing and living apart for the time being really will benefit you. again, i hate that you or anyone has to go through this, but you are handling it relatively well.
one thing i did as i processed info was (like another poster wrote about), i kept finding out more info (which really didn't help other than to increase the self loathing i already felt and increase how stupid i felt for not seeing it). i do not recommend finding out more and more info. it keeps the wound fresh and inhibits healing. you keep reliving it again and again.
another thing i did that i do NOT recommend is accepting or taking ANY responsibility for his cheating and lying. that is all on him, not you. i think i was still trying to be in control by thinking there was something i did or didn't do that provoked him. i thought that if i could rationalize it, then i could figure out how to fix it. i couldn't and took years to learn that it couldn't be fixed, it just was and couldn't be undone.
much LATER on i learned that i had tremendous power in my life and in my relationships if i chose to create boundaries for myself and others about what i was not willing to put up with. and then NEVER wavering on those boundaries. i had to put aside what i wished or wanted to happen and really embrace the reality of the situation and what was actually happening. once i accepted reality for what it was, i could chose to engage a situation or person or not engage it. that was MY power and in my control. there were/are consequences with either choice that i fully accept.
i never again want to be in a situation with someone i cannot trust or who chooses their selfish desires over my well being. life is too short and there are plenty of people who don't lie and aren't majorly screwed up. this empowered attitude is definitely harder in some ways as i am much more intolerant of BS (and there is a LOT of BS out there). however, the flip side is that i have much more control in my life.
i hope so much that you find peace with this.
hugs
it really sounds like you are calming down and keeping away from him, so that is about as good as it gets while you two are trapped together in your cabin. your post reminded me of the initial craziness that i felt upon finding out and the mental and physical shock we go through. it is horrible, but you will feel better in time. i had trouble believing that at the time, but time really does help. it doesn't change anything except you can see things clearer and hopefully learn about yourself and how to deal with others.
i am glad that you are planning to take steps to help yourself. therapy, the medical testing and living apart for the time being really will benefit you. again, i hate that you or anyone has to go through this, but you are handling it relatively well.
one thing i did as i processed info was (like another poster wrote about), i kept finding out more info (which really didn't help other than to increase the self loathing i already felt and increase how stupid i felt for not seeing it). i do not recommend finding out more and more info. it keeps the wound fresh and inhibits healing. you keep reliving it again and again.
another thing i did that i do NOT recommend is accepting or taking ANY responsibility for his cheating and lying. that is all on him, not you. i think i was still trying to be in control by thinking there was something i did or didn't do that provoked him. i thought that if i could rationalize it, then i could figure out how to fix it. i couldn't and took years to learn that it couldn't be fixed, it just was and couldn't be undone.
much LATER on i learned that i had tremendous power in my life and in my relationships if i chose to create boundaries for myself and others about what i was not willing to put up with. and then NEVER wavering on those boundaries. i had to put aside what i wished or wanted to happen and really embrace the reality of the situation and what was actually happening. once i accepted reality for what it was, i could chose to engage a situation or person or not engage it. that was MY power and in my control. there were/are consequences with either choice that i fully accept.
i never again want to be in a situation with someone i cannot trust or who chooses their selfish desires over my well being. life is too short and there are plenty of people who don't lie and aren't majorly screwed up. this empowered attitude is definitely harder in some ways as i am much more intolerant of BS (and there is a LOT of BS out there). however, the flip side is that i have much more control in my life.
i hope so much that you find peace with this.
hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 22
Hello All!
This is my first post here. I came here looking for answers, but what I just realized is that I already know the answers and I've just decided not to live in denial any longer.
Here is my truth:
I met my husband 3 1/2 years ago, he told me on our first date that he was an alcoholic and sober for 17 years. He went to AA because it was like going to church for him. We fell in love, we married. Things weren't easy, I moved to another state, left a good job, couldn't find a new one as good, he had an unexpected job change...blah blah blah regular life stresses. He got angry. We went to marriage counseling. I tried to learn to be a better listener, a better communicator, a better anything to make him less angry and more happy with me. December 14,2012 I get the phone call from the hospital that he had a serious car accident. The ICU nurse is the one who told me he had "a lot" of alcohol in his system. I told her he didn't drink? My world stopped. When he finally was able to talk to me, the truth came out. He started drinking again at the beginning of our marriage, he was hiding bottles all over the house and around the property. He had a bottle hidden behind his AA book! He told me he was an alcoholic, he was sorry, he needed help. Lots of promises. I stood by him but I lost respect for him and trust. He lived and so did the other people he crashed into. He got off with his life and no criminal charges...he was lucky in more ways than one. He went to one AA meeting. I discovered in March by looking at a credit card statement that he was still drinking. I called him out on it. He said he wants to be a "normal" drinker. I told him that made no sense. I asked to go back to marriage counseling as I was so uncomfortable and confused by this person I didn't seem to know anymore. We went to marriage counseling. He kept drinking. I counted beer bottles and dealt with his anger and his new lifestyle he was keeping separate from me. My instincts told me there must be more going on. On December 6, 2013 I couldn't help myself any longer and looked on his computer. That's when I found the messages between him and his girlfriend. I confronted him. He says he started seeing her in March or April of 2012. She was an ex-girlfriend and friends on his facebook. She knew he was married. I started packing. I got a lawyer. I'm still packing and waiting on my separation agreement before I can move back to my house in another state. I am grateful I still have my house and no tenet living in it currently. I have no job and perhaps I will fall flat on my face financially but I would rather lose everything than stay with this lying, cheating, sick person. I deserve better!
I'm going to start taking care of me now! I went to my first Al-non meeting, I cried the whole time. I will keep going back. I will start seeing my own therapist. I'm putting my music on and having dance parties for one. I'm going to heal my pain, I'm going to grow, I'm going to love, I'm going to be happy again.
I don't know the man I married anymore. I don't need to find the answers to who he is or why he's done what he's done. I only need to focus on myself now. I have a tough enough road ahead of me. I don't have time to worry about him anymore.
This is my first post here. I came here looking for answers, but what I just realized is that I already know the answers and I've just decided not to live in denial any longer.
Here is my truth:
I met my husband 3 1/2 years ago, he told me on our first date that he was an alcoholic and sober for 17 years. He went to AA because it was like going to church for him. We fell in love, we married. Things weren't easy, I moved to another state, left a good job, couldn't find a new one as good, he had an unexpected job change...blah blah blah regular life stresses. He got angry. We went to marriage counseling. I tried to learn to be a better listener, a better communicator, a better anything to make him less angry and more happy with me. December 14,2012 I get the phone call from the hospital that he had a serious car accident. The ICU nurse is the one who told me he had "a lot" of alcohol in his system. I told her he didn't drink? My world stopped. When he finally was able to talk to me, the truth came out. He started drinking again at the beginning of our marriage, he was hiding bottles all over the house and around the property. He had a bottle hidden behind his AA book! He told me he was an alcoholic, he was sorry, he needed help. Lots of promises. I stood by him but I lost respect for him and trust. He lived and so did the other people he crashed into. He got off with his life and no criminal charges...he was lucky in more ways than one. He went to one AA meeting. I discovered in March by looking at a credit card statement that he was still drinking. I called him out on it. He said he wants to be a "normal" drinker. I told him that made no sense. I asked to go back to marriage counseling as I was so uncomfortable and confused by this person I didn't seem to know anymore. We went to marriage counseling. He kept drinking. I counted beer bottles and dealt with his anger and his new lifestyle he was keeping separate from me. My instincts told me there must be more going on. On December 6, 2013 I couldn't help myself any longer and looked on his computer. That's when I found the messages between him and his girlfriend. I confronted him. He says he started seeing her in March or April of 2012. She was an ex-girlfriend and friends on his facebook. She knew he was married. I started packing. I got a lawyer. I'm still packing and waiting on my separation agreement before I can move back to my house in another state. I am grateful I still have my house and no tenet living in it currently. I have no job and perhaps I will fall flat on my face financially but I would rather lose everything than stay with this lying, cheating, sick person. I deserve better!
I'm going to start taking care of me now! I went to my first Al-non meeting, I cried the whole time. I will keep going back. I will start seeing my own therapist. I'm putting my music on and having dance parties for one. I'm going to heal my pain, I'm going to grow, I'm going to love, I'm going to be happy again.
I don't know the man I married anymore. I don't need to find the answers to who he is or why he's done what he's done. I only need to focus on myself now. I have a tough enough road ahead of me. I don't have time to worry about him anymore.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,429
Hi Designgirl and welcome to SR
You may want to start you own thread with story again on Friends and Family or in New Comers and I bet you will get more responses
This particular thread isn't being viewed by as many people since it is about one person's situation. You are of course welcome to stay here or post here too, but
I thought you might want to know in case you are looking for more people to read and respond.
You may want to start you own thread with story again on Friends and Family or in New Comers and I bet you will get more responses
This particular thread isn't being viewed by as many people since it is about one person's situation. You are of course welcome to stay here or post here too, but
I thought you might want to know in case you are looking for more people to read and respond.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,429
Hi Booo;
I hope things are going OK this evening.
Have you thought of cutting your trip short a few days or is there a reason you need to be there for the full time?
If you are comfortable, that's great, but I did want to check in.
I hope things are going OK this evening.
Have you thought of cutting your trip short a few days or is there a reason you need to be there for the full time?
If you are comfortable, that's great, but I did want to check in.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 216
Thank you hawk eye, the trip, next it impossible to cut short due to holidays and planes etc, but I am ok. I have longer peaceful stretches today, then the thoughts come flooding in and I know I can't do anything to stop them so I feel them and they hurt like hell.
I am with a humble and remorseful man right now. I have been told not to expect that to last, but if it does not, well, my bags are half packed .
He's productive not drinking and we have accomplished things we have needed to, yet more to do and only a few days left o do them.
I don't hold back tears when I feel them now, I am not bottling things up. Why should he NOT have to see how hurt I am? I am wounded and far from healed, I have not even begun but I am miles away from where I was just 48 hours ago when I was a screaming meemie. It's not enough, but it's something.
I am with a humble and remorseful man right now. I have been told not to expect that to last, but if it does not, well, my bags are half packed .
He's productive not drinking and we have accomplished things we have needed to, yet more to do and only a few days left o do them.
I don't hold back tears when I feel them now, I am not bottling things up. Why should he NOT have to see how hurt I am? I am wounded and far from healed, I have not even begun but I am miles away from where I was just 48 hours ago when I was a screaming meemie. It's not enough, but it's something.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,218
Originally Posted by Designgrl 
Hello All!
This is my first post here. I came here looking for answers, but what I just realized is that I already know the answers and I've just decided not to live in denial any longer.
Here is my truth:
I met my husband 3 1/2 years ago, he told me on our first date that he was an alcoholic and sober for 17 years. He went to AA because it was like going to church for him. We fell in love, we married. Things weren't easy, I moved to another state, left a good job, couldn't find a new one as good, he had an unexpected job change...blah blah blah regular life stresses. He got angry. We went to marriage counseling. I tried to learn to be a better listener, a better communicator, a better anything to make him less angry and more happy with me. December 14,2012 I get the phone call from the hospital that he had a serious car accident. The ICU nurse is the one who told me he had "a lot" of alcohol in his system. I told her he didn't drink? My world stopped. When he finally was able to talk to me, the truth came out. He started drinking again at the beginning of our marriage, he was hiding bottles all over the house and around the property. He had a bottle hidden behind his AA book! He told me he was an alcoholic, he was sorry, he needed help. Lots of promises. I stood by him but I lost respect for him and trust. He lived and so did the other people he crashed into. He got off with his life and no criminal charges...he was lucky in more ways than one. He went to one AA meeting. I discovered in March by looking at a credit card statement that he was still drinking. I called him out on it. He said he wants to be a "normal" drinker. I told him that made no sense. I asked to go back to marriage counseling as I was so uncomfortable and confused by this person I didn't seem to know anymore. We went to marriage counseling. He kept drinking. I counted beer bottles and dealt with his anger and his new lifestyle he was keeping separate from me. My instincts told me there must be more going on. On December 6, 2013 I couldn't help myself any longer and looked on his computer. That's when I found the messages between him and his girlfriend. I confronted him. He says he started seeing her in March or April of 2012. She was an ex-girlfriend and friends on his facebook. She knew he was married. I started packing. I got a lawyer. I'm still packing and waiting on my separation agreement before I can move back to my house in another state. I am grateful I still have my house and no tenet living in it currently. I have no job and perhaps I will fall flat on my face financially but I would rather lose everything than stay with this lying, cheating, sick person. I deserve better!
I'm going to start taking care of me now! I went to my first Al-non meeting, I cried the whole time. I will keep going back. I will start seeing my own therapist. I'm putting my music on and having dance parties for one. I'm going to heal my pain, I'm going to grow, I'm going to love, I'm going to be happy again.
I don't know the man I married anymore. I don't need to find the answers to who he is or why he's done what he's done. I only need to focus on myself now. I have a tough enough road ahead of me. I don't have time to worry about him anymore.
This is my first post here. I came here looking for answers, but what I just realized is that I already know the answers and I've just decided not to live in denial any longer.
Here is my truth:
I met my husband 3 1/2 years ago, he told me on our first date that he was an alcoholic and sober for 17 years. He went to AA because it was like going to church for him. We fell in love, we married. Things weren't easy, I moved to another state, left a good job, couldn't find a new one as good, he had an unexpected job change...blah blah blah regular life stresses. He got angry. We went to marriage counseling. I tried to learn to be a better listener, a better communicator, a better anything to make him less angry and more happy with me. December 14,2012 I get the phone call from the hospital that he had a serious car accident. The ICU nurse is the one who told me he had "a lot" of alcohol in his system. I told her he didn't drink? My world stopped. When he finally was able to talk to me, the truth came out. He started drinking again at the beginning of our marriage, he was hiding bottles all over the house and around the property. He had a bottle hidden behind his AA book! He told me he was an alcoholic, he was sorry, he needed help. Lots of promises. I stood by him but I lost respect for him and trust. He lived and so did the other people he crashed into. He got off with his life and no criminal charges...he was lucky in more ways than one. He went to one AA meeting. I discovered in March by looking at a credit card statement that he was still drinking. I called him out on it. He said he wants to be a "normal" drinker. I told him that made no sense. I asked to go back to marriage counseling as I was so uncomfortable and confused by this person I didn't seem to know anymore. We went to marriage counseling. He kept drinking. I counted beer bottles and dealt with his anger and his new lifestyle he was keeping separate from me. My instincts told me there must be more going on. On December 6, 2013 I couldn't help myself any longer and looked on his computer. That's when I found the messages between him and his girlfriend. I confronted him. He says he started seeing her in March or April of 2012. She was an ex-girlfriend and friends on his facebook. She knew he was married. I started packing. I got a lawyer. I'm still packing and waiting on my separation agreement before I can move back to my house in another state. I am grateful I still have my house and no tenet living in it currently. I have no job and perhaps I will fall flat on my face financially but I would rather lose everything than stay with this lying, cheating, sick person. I deserve better!
I'm going to start taking care of me now! I went to my first Al-non meeting, I cried the whole time. I will keep going back. I will start seeing my own therapist. I'm putting my music on and having dance parties for one. I'm going to heal my pain, I'm going to grow, I'm going to love, I'm going to be happy again.
I don't know the man I married anymore. I don't need to find the answers to who he is or why he's done what he's done. I only need to focus on myself now. I have a tough enough road ahead of me. I don't have time to worry about him anymore.
You can do this - and you know it! Unfortunately, so many people have been through this double nightmare of alcoholism and cheating. It's a NIGHTMARE. I love your attitude of positivity and resolve.
Welcome to SR.
Hawkeye's suggestion is great, by the way
You will get a lot of support for your story and struggles if you begin a thread.Peace.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,429
Hi Designgirl;
I really appreciated you sharing your story and I hope you keep posting.
Like Ona said, what you have shared is very relevant to what's happening here too--
It sounds like you've been through a very rough time but are making positive changes for yourself. That inspires us all.
Booo I'm glad you are getting things accomplished and that you are feeling your feelings.
Growing moments of peace are a good sign.
A long shower, warm bath might be the ticket this evening before bed.
There is something so comforting about warm water. A back to the womb thing perhaps.
Hugs
I really appreciated you sharing your story and I hope you keep posting.
Like Ona said, what you have shared is very relevant to what's happening here too--
It sounds like you've been through a very rough time but are making positive changes for yourself. That inspires us all.
Booo I'm glad you are getting things accomplished and that you are feeling your feelings.
Growing moments of peace are a good sign.
A long shower, warm bath might be the ticket this evening before bed.
There is something so comforting about warm water. A back to the womb thing perhaps.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Originally Posted by Designgrl
Oh sorry, I didn't mean to post on someone's personal thread. ...
Mike
Moderator, SR
Member
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 216
Design girl, I am so sorry as I know the shock, so recent and so well. So raw. Yup ou see how these amazing people will help you stand on your feet or hold you if you can't, until you can. You do deserve the support I have gotten and I hope you can get some of your own, I am sure you will with a new thread. I wish I had advice, but I am still very unclear. I wish you nothing but a happy future.
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