MissFixit

I just watched law and order svu. at the end of the episode the husband (serial killer) and the wife (accomplice) are being interrogated by the detectives. they asked the wife why she helped him trap and murder women and why she stayed married to him knowing he did those horrible things. her answer was she thought that if she loved him enough, then he would stop. and if she helped him, then he would know how much she loved him. nothing she did was ever enough.

that codie relationship is EVERYWHERE, even in the world of tv serial killers.

suki44883

Well, yeah, but I think that's just a little more than being codie. Anyone who would do anything like that has to have some fairly severe mental health issues.

Upsetnneedhelp

I believe a person has to be very sick and have a mental disruption to become a serial killer. Drugs and alcohol do not make people into killers.

MissFixit

hi

i was only kidding! just being silly.

but there is some parallel co-dependence there.

lillamy

I think a situation like that - and fictive - is a good way for us Codies to understand how our stinking thinking looks to healthy people. Because I can assure you, as insane as that thinking looks to us, our thinking in alcoholic relationships is different in grade not in kind from that...

We spend our relationships setting boundaries and letting the a walk right through them. We end up accepting things we never dreamed we would.

EnglishGarden

I agree about the parallel. It is codependency at the far extreme.

But when parents sit quietly and allow their drunk spouses to scream at the children or to take the children in the car, hoping things will be okay, unwilling to leave the alcoholic, unwilling to call the cops about the drunk who is driving away with the kids, then they have become unhinged, too, in their own way. Isolation with a crazy person over time makes us crazy. Only those of us who have been in the belly of the beast understand that.

MissFixit

yes. the reason i posted this is because i immediately heard all of the excuses that many of us have made over the years to justify staying in our own abusive and unhealthy situations. it read like a codie playbook word for word. i was stunned as i never thought about how extreme and crazy it does sound, but those rationalizations really do sound insane if you are in a healthier position.

i do not mean to offend anyone, but some of the statements made were exactly things i read here or have said in my previous relationships. wow.

Hammer

The Drama Triangle. (the victim + rescuer + villain)

Works for Disney Princess Stories, TV Cop Shows and Life With an A.