Katchie

Well, my AH just got home w/the boys from being at the gym. They were home no more than 5 minutes when the gym called me to let me know my AH left his wallet full of cash in the locker room & he re-emphasized "full if cash" & in astonishment said another member turned it in. So, I let him know he left his wallet full if cash..he stammered in disbelief..not me..this is the second time he's just left his wallet only this time no one is on a shopping spree at Walmart w/are cards. So, he's stunned, I'm not, & he starts off to retrieve the wallet so I ask if he needs someone else I drive and he gets mad at me asking why do I always do this to him..really??? "I" do this to him!! He doesn't even have a legit license to drive!
Is it wrong I me to ask if someone else should drive? Usually a wallet is left somewhere because he's been drinking. I have no idea if that is the case today or not & I don't care.

suki44883

If he was driving your boys home from the gym, you should care if he's been drinking. Other than that, if he doesn't have a license, he shouldn't be driving at all. Chances of this turning out well are not good, especially if it continues.

Katchie

I know it's not good. He left the house sober. I "think" he's still sober. Usually I don't EVER say anything, which I hate that part if myself.

Stung

My concern would be that he's driving around with your kids after he has been drinking. :/ What happens if he gets caught driving without a license at this point? If you're concerned about him driving drunk it might be worth while to report him.

Katchie

That's one of the few things I have spoke to him about. I said in short few words he wasn't to drive the kids anywhere if he's been drinking. I think it's going to have to be changed again to just not driving them period since he doesn't have a license and because a couple if weeks ago he stopped w/them to eat wings w/some friends and according to my youngest son, he had a few beers while there. When I asked him about it he got mad at me then too an said it was only one. Not according to my youngest. I've read what is at stake in my state and shared it w/AH. He stare at me blankly but understood.
Sharing things like this has been so few times but it seems like he's starting to get mad at me for saying anything.

suki44883

Any time someone becomes a threat to an addict and his DOC, it will make them mad. An alcoholic will do anything to protect their drinking. They will lie to your face, knowing you realize it's a lie, they will drive their kids around after drinking, they will attempt to confuse you and cause you to question yourself. An addict is not to be trusted, especially with precious children.

Katchie

I just wish it didn't make me feel like crap

suki44883

Why should you feel like crap for protecting your children? Even so, feeling like crap is a small price to pay to possibly save your children's lives, don't you think?

Katchie

Yep, here's the penalty that I could find tho it doesn't mention if caught driving children.

Criminal Charges for Driving on a Suspended or Revoked License
If you drive while your license is suspended or revoked, you could be charged with a misdemeanor. (Okla. Stat. tit. 47, § 6-303.) The sentence may depend whether you have previous convictions. Your sentence may involve:
a fine between $100 and $500 for a first conviction
a fine $200 and $750 for a second conviction, or
a fine between $300 and $1,000 for a third conviction. (Okla. Stat. tit. 47, § 6-303(B).)
In addition, you could be sentenced to up to one year in jail. (Okla. Stat. tit. 47, § 6-303(B).)

If your license was suspended due to certain alcohol offenses, including DUI, your sentence may involve a fine between:
$500 and $1,000 for a first conviction
$1,000 and $2,000 for a second conviction, or
$2,000 and $5,000 for a third or subsequent conviction. (Okla. Stat. tit. 47, § 6-303(C).)
In addition, you may receive a jail sentence of up to one year. (Okla. Stat. tit. 47, § 6-303(C).)
Finally, the period of your license suspension or revocation may be extended in certain circumstances. (Okla. Stat. tit. 47, § 6-303(D-F).)

Katchie

Yes mam!

suki44883

Yeah, and all that is in addition to the possible hospital bills and/or funeral services for a hurt or dead child. This is about a lot more than just money. Even if the kids aren't with him and he wrecks the car, harms or kills himself, or harms or kills someone else, add that to the list.

Katchie

I know it is. I'm trying really hard to out my foot down. He's just not use to me saying squat I guess. I'm exercising my jaws

BoxinRotz

Katchie, he's in a state of denial that goes something like this:

It won't happen to me!!! Shut the EFF up! You don't know what you're talking about!!!

Let me tell you something... it's not a matter of if but when it's going to happen! You've got to save your children's lives because if he's driving them, they are at risk of severe injuries or death! I know this is painful to read but I'd rather you read it than live it!

Katchie

I just got off the phone with my sister who isI the only one I talk to about AH. I'm making some plans and getting ducks in a row. I agree with all of the above and don't know that I can take much more of this. I didn't marry a drunk nor do I want to be Marie's to one and I don't like what it's doing to me and the person I feel like I'm becoming. I've let my sister know I'm laying plans to separate for my mental health and that of the boys. I just can't even believe I can't think that way. Never in a million years would I have foreseen this present situation I find myself and children in.

Stung

Hugs sweetie. I feel the exact same way and wrote nearly he exact same thing here last night. It's hard but you're 100% doing what's in the best interests of yourself and your kids.

I'm here for you anytime you want to talk.

Katchie

Thank you so much. He just walked in and he's doing the responsible things like taking the trash out..ugh

Upsetnneedhelp

DUI's and driving around without license is not just a traffic issue. It is a criminal offense and the laws are getting stricter and stricter. In my state, driving without a license and getting a dui is a class 2 Felony. There is no probation and there is a mandatory prison sentence of 1-3 years. Your husband should invest in a good bike. My son's cellmate right now is a chronic DUI offender and received 7 years for his 5th one.

ladyscribbler

Yep, here's the penalty that I could find tho it doesn't mention if caught driving children.
It would be a separate charge like reckless endangerment (a felony), if someone is injured all the way up to vehicular manslaughter if someone is killed.
Praying for you and your precious children.

PohsFriend

A simple tail light being out could lead to him being arrested in front of the children and that would be harmful to the children in the eyes of any family court in America. Who is responsible for the vehicle? If it's titled in your name or jointly and you 'allow' him to drive are you liable? Knowing what it costs to have someone with DUIs on your insurance ...is he on it?

Let's assume he never drives with any alcohol in his system - if he is pulled over driving that vehicle he's arrested and it's important to understand what happens to the vehicle if you depend on it for your transportation. If he's not on the insurance and you are responsible for the vehicle it might be good to find out what your liability might be and if there is some way to mitigate that liability.

Sorry to add those worries to an already long list but perhaps there are some here that fall into the 'can do something about it' category :-(

Katchie

Theres a lot I can't answer. He needs not ever drive, which for the most part he doesn't, I so all the driving. I just have to dig down and find my voice.