martina12

Hi Steffip you have done exactly the right thing for you and your children. I totally understand that you are racked with emotion about whether you have done the right thing and want to reassure you that Yes you have!! Well done you...I also felt like this after my Xpartner assaulted me. I went to the Police and he was arrested. I had never had any dealings with the police before and was terrified of the consequences. However the domestic violence unit got involved and I felt that me and my children were so much safer. It also sends a strong message to your STBXAH that hitting women, let alone the mother of his children, is not only wrong but a criminal offence and I got protection for 5 years. You and your children are your number one priority NOT him. Like you my children were very young when it all happened. He still sees them every other weekend but I have as little as possible contact with him as he continues to be verbally abusive. Im hoping that the children will realise what he is like and one day not want to see him anymore..I think my eldest is beginning to realise, he's 10years old now. Just wanted to say again well done Steffip you have done the right thing for you and your children and keep us near as many of us have been through it too x

PippiLngstockng

Hi steffip,

I also did go to the police after a scary incident with xah last year. Long story, but I am also pressing criminal charges, after I agreed earlier to suspend them.

Why? Because he was violent towards me in front of the children, and violent and threatening towards my two older children (teens).

I don't think anything has actually worked to make me feel safe from him, but setting limits helps a little. Trouble is, the limits make him furious. He is very nice seeming when everyone does what he wants. He seems like the nicest guy. Just don't say a word against him and everything will be fine. Except he might get out of hand drunk...

I have a point to make. Sorry for rambling a bit.

I recommend you get help from a local domestic violence group. The alcoholism is no big deal compared to the abuse. And once you separate, an abuser can get worse. You are more in danger from him now than you were earlier. The dv center can help you develop a plan to stay safe. They will also help you realize how much none of this is your fault. Feel proud and assure yourself that seeking protection is the best thing you can do for you.

Blueskies25

Oh thank you. Martina, us right re racked with emotion but it'd such a relief knowing that he can't text his nonsense anymore. He spoke to the kids today and I'd normally be expecting texts later and now I'm not which is so relaxing. I can tell by his voice that he is still sober but I know the stats fr first relapse are not favourable and the second anything else bad happens to him, I would be his target again. He wouldn't come to the house as is in another town and has no car now. Tbh, I think the police won't take it much further although he's been charged and court next month, the incident in question was last year and its my word via his but you're right, it sends a strong boundary message, I've been in such a state and have really struggled on occasion but like you Martina, I cry at night when the kids cannot see. But other than the guilt and absolute sense of finality, my feeling is of relief.