Are some of us programmed codie from birth?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
stung, counseling will help you a lot. i know you said you aren't ready for al anon, but for me al anon helped me identify things in myself that others had too. only they had names for it and reasons why they were like that.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
I agree that I need counseling. But alanon truly sounds uncomfortable for me. I don't like hugging strangers (I like personal space) and hammer makes it sound like its a crying/hug fest. That's just not my cup of tea.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
So let me ask a stupid question: do you guys all see different counselors/therapist for different issues? Like you see an addict specialist on Tuesdays for your relationship with your partner and then a general one on Thursdays for your own personal issues? How does this stuff work? And do you guys go weekly?
We were seeing our marriage counselor weekly because things were spiraling and we couldn't figure out why, duh, it was because AH was sinking further and further into alcoholism and the more I tried to pull him out the deeper he sank.
We were seeing our marriage counselor weekly because things were spiraling and we couldn't figure out why, duh, it was because AH was sinking further and further into alcoholism and the more I tried to pull him out the deeper he sank.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
I saw a regular therapist alone for myself. She specialized in women's issues, which dovetailed nicely with some of my personal stuff. She give me some sketchy advice around AH's alcoholism while we were still tying to work things out, but I was using SR heavily and so I could disagree with her and she supported my decisions.
The addictions counseling would have been occasionally through my AH with family sessions, but he continued to assert that he didn't really need it and cancelled it left and right. I kept going to my counseling independently.
My counselor focused on my maladaptive coping mechanisms and propensity toward depression which clouded my decision making. I was also heavily codependent and still under my narcissistic mother's thumb. She helped me ind a way to start shifting those dynamics. Your mileage will vary depending on what your situation is. It didn't work for me until *I* bottomed out and decided I couldn't live like this anymore.
The addictions counseling would have been occasionally through my AH with family sessions, but he continued to assert that he didn't really need it and cancelled it left and right. I kept going to my counseling independently.
My counselor focused on my maladaptive coping mechanisms and propensity toward depression which clouded my decision making. I was also heavily codependent and still under my narcissistic mother's thumb. She helped me ind a way to start shifting those dynamics. Your mileage will vary depending on what your situation is. It didn't work for me until *I* bottomed out and decided I couldn't live like this anymore.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,057
Ditto MissFixit. Exactly the same combo for me a couple of years ago.
Way back, right after a sudden divorce from XAH, I went to an counselor who specialized in relationship counseling/addiction. She was awful (for me anyway). She would sit there and say almost nothing, just nod her head, and every so often would ask, "Would you like an opinion?" I was naive to what I should be looking for in a counselor and it was a wreck.
Several years later during the breakup with xabf is when I was introduced to my very talented counselor (free, through church) and I stumbled upon SR around the same time. My pastor recommended Al-Anon at the same time. I was scared to death of it, but I went anyway.
And the combination worked wonders for me. Like MissFixit, I got different types of guidance from each.
Way back, right after a sudden divorce from XAH, I went to an counselor who specialized in relationship counseling/addiction. She was awful (for me anyway). She would sit there and say almost nothing, just nod her head, and every so often would ask, "Would you like an opinion?" I was naive to what I should be looking for in a counselor and it was a wreck.
Several years later during the breakup with xabf is when I was introduced to my very talented counselor (free, through church) and I stumbled upon SR around the same time. My pastor recommended Al-Anon at the same time. I was scared to death of it, but I went anyway.
And the combination worked wonders for me. Like MissFixit, I got different types of guidance from each.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
I would like to make an observation that is solely my own---sparked by Healingwillcome's comment that she was "scared to death" of alanon. This is such a very common feeling. I have so often seen people who are terrified of alanon--therapists--support groups---anyone in a "helping' organization or capacity, more or less. And YET---these same people may have lived with the most awful, abusive, mean and hurtful alcoholics and addicts for years!
These people are strong enough to withstand pain and misery and darkness!!!!--and, yet, are afraid of people who are dedicated to being "on their side"; to care about them and help them.
I say that anyone who has withstood the slings and arrows of what the alcoholic or addict, or dual-diagnosis person can dish out----Facing a room full of fire-breathing dragons ought to be easy!!
It has always appeared to be an amazing irony ( to me).
I have no point to make---other than voice my observation.
dandylion
These people are strong enough to withstand pain and misery and darkness!!!!--and, yet, are afraid of people who are dedicated to being "on their side"; to care about them and help them.
I say that anyone who has withstood the slings and arrows of what the alcoholic or addict, or dual-diagnosis person can dish out----Facing a room full of fire-breathing dragons ought to be easy!!
It has always appeared to be an amazing irony ( to me).
I have no point to make---other than voice my observation.
dandylion
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