I got angry today
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 216
I got angry today
I have been planning a piece of furniture for the holiday home for a few years. AH had another idea, not a BAD HORRIBLE idea , but not what I have been planning for literally years.
"If we do it this way" he said
"But I don't want to do it this way" I said
"this is MY idea, MY dream, MY plan my one bit I have been waiting for for Many years"
I started to demonstrate why his way was not the way..it was not the picture in my head nor the 30 pictures I have sent him for many years.
I wanted form, he wanted function.
he is a great planner, a mature architected and GC, I can't take that away from him, but THIS. Pushed my button and I snapped.
I add he has not gotten much sleep, he has been running around doing the mundane, and when he got home his eyes were red and I thought he had a drink while he was out, but due to the lack of sleep and the apparent illness coming on which he mentioned this morning, it really could be just that.
He said "why are you so angry about this"
It may be because I said it to a drunk man for 5 years,
Maybe because I thought he MAY have had a drink out tonight
or I felt free enough to realize that my anger was not enough of an excuse to make him drink.
Even I thought I was not acting like me. I was just tired of the bickering over a literal measurement of about 4 inches.
Thoughts?
"If we do it this way" he said
"But I don't want to do it this way" I said
"this is MY idea, MY dream, MY plan my one bit I have been waiting for for Many years"
I started to demonstrate why his way was not the way..it was not the picture in my head nor the 30 pictures I have sent him for many years.
I wanted form, he wanted function.
he is a great planner, a mature architected and GC, I can't take that away from him, but THIS. Pushed my button and I snapped.
I add he has not gotten much sleep, he has been running around doing the mundane, and when he got home his eyes were red and I thought he had a drink while he was out, but due to the lack of sleep and the apparent illness coming on which he mentioned this morning, it really could be just that.
He said "why are you so angry about this"
It may be because I said it to a drunk man for 5 years,
Maybe because I thought he MAY have had a drink out tonight
or I felt free enough to realize that my anger was not enough of an excuse to make him drink.
Even I thought I was not acting like me. I was just tired of the bickering over a literal measurement of about 4 inches.
Thoughts?
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
I've been angry on and off lately. And my anger, though it is about seemingly insignificant issues (like a measurement of 4 inches) is scary. I get what we used to call "the rage"- we called it that in Iraq. I contemplate doing outrageous things to exorcise it- like causing physical or emotional harm to others. But I make myself be logical. I let myself feel the anger, because I'm entitled to my emotions and they are not wrong or bad or foolish, as I was taught as a child. But then I examine it to try and find the true source- my anger is often a symptom of something else, like rage turned inward.
You feel the way you do for a reason. sometimes it's easier to just rage than to get to the bottom of your feelings.
You feel the way you do for a reason. sometimes it's easier to just rage than to get to the bottom of your feelings.
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Real World
Posts: 729
Happens to all of us sometimes. No man is happy to hear his wife make the 4 inches complaint, it just completely kills our self esteem... oh crap, this is a furniture meas... OK never mind so what you are saying is that when tired, scared, frustrated and female you think it's possible that maybe you aren't QUITE as reasonable as you might be on your best day?
That just shocks me... no really, that's confounding seeing as how men and women always see everything the same all the time ;-)
OK, attempt to make you laugh aside, serious question: Any chance that this argument had to do with the fact that you are human and married? Easy to forget around here that normal old boring married couples with no 'problems' annoy one another at times and well, not to give away any of our secret man tribe knowledge or anything but we any conversation that begins with the phrase 'only 4 inches' makes us defensive, don't ask why, just, really... talk in millimaters or something, don't make me elaborate on this one...
Ya know how on those days when you are feeling particularly awful and can't decide what is more appealing - the thought of a king sized Reese's cup or the image of your husband with a flaming spear lodged in his chest? Yeah - on those days you have little sense of humor... that's how we are when you complain about small measurements... don't go there.
For the love of God woman, don't prey on our insecurities like that.
That just shocks me... no really, that's confounding seeing as how men and women always see everything the same all the time ;-)
OK, attempt to make you laugh aside, serious question: Any chance that this argument had to do with the fact that you are human and married? Easy to forget around here that normal old boring married couples with no 'problems' annoy one another at times and well, not to give away any of our secret man tribe knowledge or anything but we any conversation that begins with the phrase 'only 4 inches' makes us defensive, don't ask why, just, really... talk in millimaters or something, don't make me elaborate on this one...
Ya know how on those days when you are feeling particularly awful and can't decide what is more appealing - the thought of a king sized Reese's cup or the image of your husband with a flaming spear lodged in his chest? Yeah - on those days you have little sense of humor... that's how we are when you complain about small measurements... don't go there.
For the love of God woman, don't prey on our insecurities like that.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 216
Yes this morning I was a bit embarrassed that I even posted that last night. So thank you for even responding. I have just swallowed my "anger" about other things for so long I was a bit shocked that (I believe) all the past anger it came out on this. Using his insufferable (not usually..really he is also patient and kind and convincing ) logic, he can usually get me to see things his way, or I just tired of the endless convos about and let him do what he wants. Maybe I was afraid in the past that if I got angry he would drink. Since I have not seen him drink, maybe I felt safe to absolutely put my foot down, on this thing and if he drank, it was not because of me.
Thanks. I do hope this is usual married boredom. I wil learn!
Thanks. I do hope this is usual married boredom. I wil learn!
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