My Child Returned Home to Find Her Cat was Gone
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My Child Returned Home to Find Her Cat was Gone
Yup. She walked into our family home, the one she hasn't visited in eighteen long months. And first thing she did was to run inside and search for her pretty little kitty cat. (We couldn't have her with us because we have a tiny overseas little apartment. She was living with Xah and our two other American cats.)
And her kitty wasn't there. So now xah decides to get around to telling her that her cat ran away two months ago, while he was in China. Only our shy little friend was afraid of the outdoors. So who knows what the truth is.
My poor children. They began their first unsupervised ten day visit with their father in our family home and this is how things begin. She loved that cat and so did I. How could he not tell her before her visit? She was in tears.
I am so worried for my children.
How do you grow up healthy and happy when your father is a psychopath? Does he feed on our pain? He must be feeling pretty bloated because there's an awful lot of it.
And her kitty wasn't there. So now xah decides to get around to telling her that her cat ran away two months ago, while he was in China. Only our shy little friend was afraid of the outdoors. So who knows what the truth is.
My poor children. They began their first unsupervised ten day visit with their father in our family home and this is how things begin. She loved that cat and so did I. How could he not tell her before her visit? She was in tears.
I am so worried for my children.
How do you grow up healthy and happy when your father is a psychopath? Does he feed on our pain? He must be feeling pretty bloated because there's an awful lot of it.
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I don't see how an active alcoholic could even remember to tell the poor kid he ditched... I mean the cat ran away. Yeah... that's it.
He's an inconciderate jerk. Why on earth would you expect him (after all he's done) to care about how your child reacts to knowing her kitty is gone. He doesn't care. The cat running away is about as believable as the sky pouring glitter in lieu of rain.
He's an inconciderate jerk. Why on earth would you expect him (after all he's done) to care about how your child reacts to knowing her kitty is gone. He doesn't care. The cat running away is about as believable as the sky pouring glitter in lieu of rain.
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Why would I, indeed? I am the biggest idiot on the face of the earth.
I can't learn that he doesn't care. It won't stick. He doesn't care. He doesn't care. He doesn't care...
What did I just write? I forget. But maybe he does care. Oh, rats. What was it I was thinking? Oh, right. He loves cats and loves his children.
I can't learn that he doesn't care. It won't stick. He doesn't care. He doesn't care. He doesn't care...
What did I just write? I forget. But maybe he does care. Oh, rats. What was it I was thinking? Oh, right. He loves cats and loves his children.
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Originally Posted by PippiLngstockng 
How do you grow up healthy and happy when your father is a psychopath?
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Join Date: Mar 2013
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That is one of the saddest things I have read here. Your poor daughter (and you). I am so sorry.
Piece of sh!t.
My bottom was the night my now rAH threatened to kill me and when that didnt get the response he was looking for he decided to threaten to kill our beautiful 20# Maine Coon. He was in a serious blackout drunken rage. That was the end for me. I took myself and my cat and locked ourselves in the bedroom only to wake to him in an even worse stage. That was the day he went to detox/rehab, but the damage was/is done.
Piece of sh!t.
My bottom was the night my now rAH threatened to kill me and when that didnt get the response he was looking for he decided to threaten to kill our beautiful 20# Maine Coon. He was in a serious blackout drunken rage. That was the end for me. I took myself and my cat and locked ourselves in the bedroom only to wake to him in an even worse stage. That was the day he went to detox/rehab, but the damage was/is done.
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He gave the children very expensive gifts for Christmas just now. Child support is two weeks late, but magically Daddy Santa had many thousands to give in electronics and cash to the children.
Oh yeah honey, your cat is gone. But here have some nice shoes and perfume and electronics. Your Mom might be too poor to buy you clothes, but if you stick with me you can have lots of nice treats. Ah ha ha ha!
Oh yeah honey, your cat is gone. But here have some nice shoes and perfume and electronics. Your Mom might be too poor to buy you clothes, but if you stick with me you can have lots of nice treats. Ah ha ha ha!
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Location: Midwest, USA
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How do you grow up healthy and happy when your father is a psychopath? Does he feed on our pain?
It's not even about you, what you have or don't have. It's about him. If it's not about him, he doesn't see it.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
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What a magnificent trip and show, Pippi.
The Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future all rolled into one event.
We asked, He Delivered.
While in the past you have mostly dealt with standing against the wind, or in the case of being blown to Europe, broad sail away from the wind . . . .
An experienced sailor, such as Pippi was/is figures out the boat sails much faster and smoother across the wind.
The learning is in tacking and trimming the sails.
All winds are favorable. Enjoy the ride.
----------
Dear God,
Please continue to show our friend, Pippi and her children Your Will and Your Way for them.
And grant Pippi and her children the Wisdom, Courage, and Strength to follow it.
Amen.
The Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future all rolled into one event.
We asked, He Delivered.
While in the past you have mostly dealt with standing against the wind, or in the case of being blown to Europe, broad sail away from the wind . . . .
An experienced sailor, such as Pippi was/is figures out the boat sails much faster and smoother across the wind.
The learning is in tacking and trimming the sails.
All winds are favorable. Enjoy the ride.
----------
Dear God,
Please continue to show our friend, Pippi and her children Your Will and Your Way for them.
And grant Pippi and her children the Wisdom, Courage, and Strength to follow it.
Amen.
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hi pippi,
your ex sounds a lot like a couple of men i know. they are difficult to divorce but once it is over they move on quickly and are really not interested in their kids. he might like being the knight in shining armor with them on christmas day, but he really has no interest in them in the long term. this could work to your benefit.
your ex sounds a lot like a couple of men i know. they are difficult to divorce but once it is over they move on quickly and are really not interested in their kids. he might like being the knight in shining armor with them on christmas day, but he really has no interest in them in the long term. this could work to your benefit.
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Now the task is helping your children sort out what is real and what is not.
If you can do this with them without disparaging and blaming your STBXAH, the will start to make a huge leap of understanding. From my experience, children believe deep within themselves that things happen because of them - - who they are, and what they do. It is a kind of magical belief system that is universal to children, and part of maturing is coming to terms with life not revolving around yourself.
So now, over these 10 days, your children will probably have a dose of reality of what their father is truly like. It is unlikely that he will be able to carry out being "good dad" for that long without glimpses of "real dad".
I understand and whole-heartedly sympathize with your feelings "my poor children I am so worried about my children".
There is that. And it is true, although from remembering your earlier posts, I don't believe he will harm them or physically hurt them. There is safety and reassurance for you in knowing that. They will come home physically intact.
I think you, as would most of us, want to protect your children from the emotional reality that their father is a self centered egotistical narcissist; that he cannot and will not, unless he makes radical changes in his behavior, be the father that they deserve, the father that all children deserve. He probably won't, over the longhaul, be even a passably okay father.
What I am hearing is your heart-felt desire that he metamorphose into the father you want him to be. What is behind that is that you want to protect your children and not let them be hurt emotionally by him.
Pippi, from my experience with my own children, this is another form of co-dependence - the wanting to "make it allright for your kids" even when you just have no power to control their father's behavior and never will.
The truth is that he, from your many posts, appears to be a man h3ll-bent on emotionally hurting people in service of his own emotional gain, grandiosity, and aggrandizement.
I tried, when my children were young, to gloss over their father's behavior, make excuses, make him appear more like the father I thought he should have been. In retrospect, my children were just more internally confused. Children are emotionally extremely perceptive. They know when adults are being real and they know when adults don't really care and are pretending.
What children don't know is how to interpret that behavior. They so often attribute its cause as themselves. "If daddy doesn't really want me to visit him, and I am just a bother and drag on his freedom, then it must be because
I am unworthy of being loved. If I were truly loveable, he would want me and he doesn't".
"And Mama seems to think he is okay -she said he wanted to come to my birthday party, even though he didn't seem to remember it, so I must be confused when I think he doesn't want me."
It would have been more helpful for me to have directly, without malice or blame or excuses, to have helped my children to clarify the integrity of reactions. Yes, giving you expensive gifts is nice of him, AND you are right that he doesn't want to spend time playing with you. That is NOT because of who you are; Daddy wouldn't spend time reading to ANY child. You are okay; you just have a dad who is who he is, not who we want him to be. That's just the way he is, and it is okay to be sad and sorry that he cannot do that, AND it is okay to enjoy other grownups who do like to play and read.
I think if I could have helped my children resolve their internal ambivalence about who owned their dad's lacking behavior - in some areas of their life they wouldn't have had to fight so hard to gain self belief and self confidence.
ShootingStar1
If you can do this with them without disparaging and blaming your STBXAH, the will start to make a huge leap of understanding. From my experience, children believe deep within themselves that things happen because of them - - who they are, and what they do. It is a kind of magical belief system that is universal to children, and part of maturing is coming to terms with life not revolving around yourself.
So now, over these 10 days, your children will probably have a dose of reality of what their father is truly like. It is unlikely that he will be able to carry out being "good dad" for that long without glimpses of "real dad".
I understand and whole-heartedly sympathize with your feelings "my poor children I am so worried about my children".
There is that. And it is true, although from remembering your earlier posts, I don't believe he will harm them or physically hurt them. There is safety and reassurance for you in knowing that. They will come home physically intact.
I think you, as would most of us, want to protect your children from the emotional reality that their father is a self centered egotistical narcissist; that he cannot and will not, unless he makes radical changes in his behavior, be the father that they deserve, the father that all children deserve. He probably won't, over the longhaul, be even a passably okay father.
What I am hearing is your heart-felt desire that he metamorphose into the father you want him to be. What is behind that is that you want to protect your children and not let them be hurt emotionally by him.
Pippi, from my experience with my own children, this is another form of co-dependence - the wanting to "make it allright for your kids" even when you just have no power to control their father's behavior and never will.
The truth is that he, from your many posts, appears to be a man h3ll-bent on emotionally hurting people in service of his own emotional gain, grandiosity, and aggrandizement.
I tried, when my children were young, to gloss over their father's behavior, make excuses, make him appear more like the father I thought he should have been. In retrospect, my children were just more internally confused. Children are emotionally extremely perceptive. They know when adults are being real and they know when adults don't really care and are pretending.
What children don't know is how to interpret that behavior. They so often attribute its cause as themselves. "If daddy doesn't really want me to visit him, and I am just a bother and drag on his freedom, then it must be because
I am unworthy of being loved. If I were truly loveable, he would want me and he doesn't".
"And Mama seems to think he is okay -she said he wanted to come to my birthday party, even though he didn't seem to remember it, so I must be confused when I think he doesn't want me."
It would have been more helpful for me to have directly, without malice or blame or excuses, to have helped my children to clarify the integrity of reactions. Yes, giving you expensive gifts is nice of him, AND you are right that he doesn't want to spend time playing with you. That is NOT because of who you are; Daddy wouldn't spend time reading to ANY child. You are okay; you just have a dad who is who he is, not who we want him to be. That's just the way he is, and it is okay to be sad and sorry that he cannot do that, AND it is okay to enjoy other grownups who do like to play and read.
I think if I could have helped my children resolve their internal ambivalence about who owned their dad's lacking behavior - in some areas of their life they wouldn't have had to fight so hard to gain self belief and self confidence.
ShootingStar1
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Just as an anecdote, my Narcissistic ex gave away my son's dog after having it for about two months. Later, when he got married, he made his wife give up her dog too.
No allergies, no consideration for anyone else's feelings, no reason other than that having a dog was an inconvenience for him.
No allergies, no consideration for anyone else's feelings, no reason other than that having a dog was an inconvenience for him.
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Location: Alaska
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Hugs for you and your kiddos, Pippi. The first time I left AXH after DS was born, our youngest cat 'got sick' and died. When I left him the next time, he wouldn't let us take either of the remaining cats. When he realized I wasn't coming back, our other cats disappeared. DS occasionally talks about the kitty he thought of as his. We've had the hard talk about pets leaving our lives. I don't know what AXH did with them, but he used to threaten to take them out to the woods with a baseball bat. I've never told DS this; I'm not sure there will ever be a reason to do so. It was enough to tell DS his kitty is gone.
Please read Stung's post whenever you worry about your kids growing up with a father like that. Because its not just him that they have. They have an amazingly strong mother showing them that a parent shoud be: loving, generous with their time, there for them through the day-to-day, supportive.... Everything you've shown yourself to be.
Hugs, hugs, hugs.
Please read Stung's post whenever you worry about your kids growing up with a father like that. Because its not just him that they have. They have an amazingly strong mother showing them that a parent shoud be: loving, generous with their time, there for them through the day-to-day, supportive.... Everything you've shown yourself to be.
Hugs, hugs, hugs.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 274
Oh dear - these posts are so sad both for the children involved and the cats. I do feel for your daughter Pippi. I just don't know what to say. I don't know how anyone could threaten a cat/dog but I guess it is a way of gaining control?
Thinking of you Pipi and your kids, especially your daughter.
Thinking of you Pipi and your kids, especially your daughter.
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Thank you everyone for your comments and wisdom. I have thought a lot about your reflections during these past dramatic days.
So much has/is happening since I arrived here. I have met with old friends and told them the truth about some of what has been happening over the past 18 months. Generally, Xah looks real bad and this community of enablers thinks it is because the kids live far away with me. That is what they assume because that is how they would feel in his shoes. But what they don't get is that he wants us there far away and he looks awful because his addiction and lies have taken over his life.
So people are still angry with me that I left but they are now talking to him and telling him to pay the child support (he's weeks behind. Santa Claus only came because my mother was there to fill his sleigh) and pay the health insurance premiums so that I can be reimbursed a year's worth of out of pocket medical expenses for the five of us.
Since the judge won't listen I need the community to hear, and they do. Even if they are a pack of the worst enablers in history.
So then this morning I pick up a Uhaul and drive to the family house, where I meet the police officers and whoever else is there. If the children and my in laws are still in, my mother will offer to accompany them to the neighbor's house where they can have tea and cake and chat. Xah agreed to let me get my things only because my Mom went to the house and told Xah in front of his parents that I would be collecting my things and when would be a good time. So he said sure, Tuesday at 10
It is easier to get things done with my lawyer out of the way. I paid her large sums and she only worsened things. She messed things up and I can do a lot by working with the people in my life. I am putting everything in the public regard, because if there is one thing Xah doesn't want is for people to know the truth. Well, here it is!
DD16, in the meantime, has been holed up in his former room up on the third floor for five days. It turns out all that money for a bike is an I.O.U. So he doesn't want to breathe to much in case it turns out to be nothing but, well, paper. My DD7 sounds like a hostage. She couldn't speak freely and yet she did mention that she played with the girls across the street and told them all about Daddy. She and I seem to share a wavelength.
Five more days to go. I am here in the dark in a motel room with my Mom, waiting for the sun to rise. Knowing that it will.
So much has/is happening since I arrived here. I have met with old friends and told them the truth about some of what has been happening over the past 18 months. Generally, Xah looks real bad and this community of enablers thinks it is because the kids live far away with me. That is what they assume because that is how they would feel in his shoes. But what they don't get is that he wants us there far away and he looks awful because his addiction and lies have taken over his life.
So people are still angry with me that I left but they are now talking to him and telling him to pay the child support (he's weeks behind. Santa Claus only came because my mother was there to fill his sleigh) and pay the health insurance premiums so that I can be reimbursed a year's worth of out of pocket medical expenses for the five of us.
Since the judge won't listen I need the community to hear, and they do. Even if they are a pack of the worst enablers in history.
So then this morning I pick up a Uhaul and drive to the family house, where I meet the police officers and whoever else is there. If the children and my in laws are still in, my mother will offer to accompany them to the neighbor's house where they can have tea and cake and chat. Xah agreed to let me get my things only because my Mom went to the house and told Xah in front of his parents that I would be collecting my things and when would be a good time. So he said sure, Tuesday at 10
It is easier to get things done with my lawyer out of the way. I paid her large sums and she only worsened things. She messed things up and I can do a lot by working with the people in my life. I am putting everything in the public regard, because if there is one thing Xah doesn't want is for people to know the truth. Well, here it is!
DD16, in the meantime, has been holed up in his former room up on the third floor for five days. It turns out all that money for a bike is an I.O.U. So he doesn't want to breathe to much in case it turns out to be nothing but, well, paper. My DD7 sounds like a hostage. She couldn't speak freely and yet she did mention that she played with the girls across the street and told them all about Daddy. She and I seem to share a wavelength.
Five more days to go. I am here in the dark in a motel room with my Mom, waiting for the sun to rise. Knowing that it will.
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Pippi, this seems like the beginning of a new approach, a new attitude, a new resolve!
You are accepting the inevitability of who your AH is determined to be. You are driving this bus now, and you are driving it where you and your children need it to go.
The very happiest of the New Year to you!
ShootingStar1
You are accepting the inevitability of who your AH is determined to be. You are driving this bus now, and you are driving it where you and your children need it to go.
The very happiest of the New Year to you!
ShootingStar1
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I am tracking this correctly?
You mom is covering the Christmas presents (or IOUs) he "bought?"
I guess if nothing else this frees you to believe there is no big pile of money?
You are right about the lawyers. Probably never needed lawyers as much as Angels.
You mom is covering the Christmas presents (or IOUs) he "bought?"
I guess if nothing else this frees you to believe there is no big pile of money?
You are right about the lawyers. Probably never needed lawyers as much as Angels.
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Originally Posted by hopeful4
I too am confused about that Pippi. Your mom is giving him money to purchase Xmas gifts?
Good luck today, Pippi!! Just a few more days to go and you'll be home with your children
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Got it...i'm slow...what can I say! Pippi, I think you are doing great. And good for your mom! This is allowing you to get your material things out of the home, that has to be a relief. Pack it up girl...get as much as you possibly can! I wish you peace and a Happy New Year. May the rest of this trip pass quickly!
Originally Posted by JustAGirl1971
I took it as Pippi's mom gave her money to buy the kids presents because Pippi did not have the money since he's behind on child support?
Good luck today, Pippi!! Just a few more days to go and you'll be home with your children
Good luck today, Pippi!! Just a few more days to go and you'll be home with your children
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