My Child Returned Home to Find Her Cat was Gone

Old 12-31-2013, 08:34 AM
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Sending you strength & peace to get through the coming days. I'm so glad you have your mom's support and the police will be present for the collection of your belongings. All the best to you and your children...may the new year start a little brighter for you!
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Old 12-31-2013, 12:50 PM
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Eight hours later...

Leave it to an A to make the most suffering and drama of each moment.

Xah wasn't ready for us at 10. He, his elderly (alcoholic) parents and the children were all there, going about their morning as though nothing was happening. I had the Uhaul waiting around the corner for my police back-up.

My mother arrives first. Xah goes out immediately to her car, saying, 'you have no right to be here. You have to go through my lawyer.' She said, 'you continue to be irresponsible. Show me the money. That's why I'm here.' He was maybe going to make her leave, but then a neighbor drove up, then me followed by first one, then two police officers. He retreated out back and was probably calling his lawyers.

The police went inside to check out the situation. They came back and told me that Xah was giving me one hour to get my stuff and go. One hour?! I asked if the children could go out first because I didnt want them to experience this. The officer told me I was already on the clock.

So I went in and no one was visible. I tried to work discretely and the house was silent. Then DS16 came over to lend a hand. He was reserved but okay. Helpful. Bringing boxes downstairs, my younger two were near. I hugged DD7 but she was - very - reserved. Not at all herself. I greeted DS10 and we exchanged looks, but he also was shut down. Very little light inside.

Xah took them somewhere and I frantically grabbed what I could, with much help from DS16 and my Mom. The van loaded, my time up, I went to find my in-laws. I knocked and they eventually ket me in. I wished them happy new year and gave MIL a box of chocolates i had brought from Europe. I gave them a nice travel coffee thermos and a bag of coffee beans from a place in NY he likes.

I invited them to gather for tea at a friends', all of us. MIL almost did not accept my gift but I stood calm and patient and she relented without saying anything. Then she said, 'this is the last time I will ever see the children again'. I didn't fall for the pity party. I said, 'they are coming for three weeks this summer. Didn't you know?' She knew.

They refused tea. Then MIL added, 'this isn't all our fault'. I said no one was blaming anyone. I said it would be nice to all get together and show the children that we can move forward in the new year as peaceful adults. Etc. the police officer came and said we had to go. She had an emergency call. So I got.

Good bye sad, tense, ashamed, dusty, silent house.

Going through boxes on New Year's Eve, old photos of the children when all seemed well. Such beautiful children.
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Old 12-31-2013, 08:02 PM
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It's amazing how attitudes can change when there are members of the general public around. I'd guess it's pretty hard to play both the victim and be a rude unreasonable a-- at the same time. I'm glad you were able to get some of your and the kids' stuff.

Sorry to hear about the in-laws' reaction. (It sounds so familiar. For some reason, it's easier to just roll my eyes at your in-law's poor-us stance and shrug it off than it is to do when dealing with my xIL's.)

Happy New Year, Pippi. Wishing you all the best and a house filled with light, love and laughter!
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Old 12-31-2013, 11:41 PM
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Happy New Year everyone!!!

I slept two hours but now I'm awake already. A bunch of drunks were shouting outside the motel window. Yuck. There's tons of cars speeding around at this late hour.

I want a fresh and hopeful start. I can begin by being grateful to my neighbor, who is caring for my cat while I am away. Then to my girlfriend, who wants to hear my story and offered me her guestroom for my remaining time here. Also the local police, who have been so helpful and understanding this past 18 months that I've needed them. I am extrememly grateful for my strength and health. I am standing strong and upright and thanks to all my workouts I can carry a lot of boxes and withstand a lot of trouble and pain and I am still there on my feet.

These people and this strength must come from God, because the burdens are too much for me to bear alone.

My mother has been beside me every hour in every day since I stepped off the plane two weeks ago. We work so well together. Her heart is so big and her support so vast, she will do whatever it takes to help me get on and stay on my feet no matter what. We are completely in synch, two minds like one, trouble shooting and making steps forward together.

The children are not with me yet, we have three days to go. But they are seeing their old friends and neighbors and they must feel that they are important to and loved by many. They are resilient, independent-minded, and brave. And they know I am near, when they want me and when they aren't so sure. They know I am there no matter what.

I can't control what will happen next.

The i.o.u. turns out to be a check to DS16 from his father that goes to our joint account. Which has nothing in it. May God help us figure out what to do with that!

Lots of doors keep closing in places I thought we might find ourselves a safe spot to rest. Yet there's always been someone to let us in, somewhere, when we need it most.

Long ago, I thought God would simply rescue me from xah's destructive force in my life. I didn't get off so easily. It has been so much harder and enduring than I'd imagined it could ever be. But God hasn't let me break. I am gathering confidence with the knowledge that I might continue to not break.

2013 turned out to be the hardest year ever. And here is a new one and we all get a fresh start.

Happy New Year everyone!!! I am grateful to your willing hearts, all of you who patiently follow my story and lend me a word of support.

May we all find peace in 2014!!!
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Old 12-31-2013, 11:47 PM
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You are handling this remarkably well! Hang in there and do what you know is the next right thing. For a while there, things seemed to be so heavily on HIS side, but now, with your steadfastness, the tide seems to be turning. You are making progress, and with that progress comes greater strength. Keep on keeping on! (((HUGS)))
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Old 01-01-2014, 03:43 AM
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"...but God hasn't let me break"

Those are powerful words.
You sound strong.
Praying that this is your best year yet.
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Old 01-02-2014, 02:26 AM
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No, but God did insist I spend the entire day in bed yesterday. Boy was I wiped out!

In the meantime, I haven't received child support in over three weeks. There has been a mix-up at the employer's headquarters (in India, I think). They are very apologetic.

I wrote to xah to tell him there is nothing in the account to live on, and taking the opportunity to wish him a happy new year and mentioning that he is sinking lower and God loves him and help is there if he chooses...

Vindictive response. He is boiling over with wrath. His parents, too. Even while they know they have done wrong! Can't they be happy already?! It's the holidays! They think this is war and the children are objects to fight over.

I cried for hours yesterday. But I am back, I think. There's fresh snow outside.

Finally, one thing I want to share with you. I spoke to some people in the community about xah and how he isn't paying child support and that he refuses to cooperate so that we can have health insurance coverage. This is their response: 'i am sure it would be different if you weren't living in Europe with the children.'

So they are telling me to move back so he could be closer to the children? In the assumption that THEN he would fulfill his obligations?!

And if they are wrong? I have uprooted us to leave an excellent set of friends and education system with virtually free college to come here, counting on xah to then be reasonable?

I mulled this over with a domestic violence counsellor. She said he hasn't asked me to move back here because that would give me control. Something he would never do.

People are advising me to move near my abuser and give up my life so that we might have food on the table.

Wow.
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Old 01-02-2014, 02:28 AM
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P.S. And this is the feminist capital of the country. The lesbian feminist across the street is one of his drinking buddies. Oh well! :-)
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Old 01-02-2014, 03:04 AM
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funding a college education for 3 children would cost him a fortune at good schools. from a purely logical economic standpoint he should be thanking you.
i would also bring up the fact that there is zero funding in the child support account, hell i would take out an ad in the NY times ( silly). i would say it to him, his parents, his feminist friends, his employer and his housekeeper...but that is just me. your talk of this brings up many old issues from my own tug of war in divorce.
as the kids get older it gets easier to deal, they will make many decisions for themselves, and if he wants to keep a relationship with them, he'll have to act like a human.
sadly, my daughters father died in his bed at age 54 found by his mama, alcohol exacerbated his health and cold little heart, he left a huge financial mess for his only child to clean up....they were not speaking for 2 years before he died but she has since forgiven him.
hope you have an uneventful day.
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Old 01-02-2014, 05:18 AM
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Wow, Pippi. I'm sorry, your NYE/NY were less than desirable On the upside, only 2? more days now? You know you're doing the right thing for you & your children so just ignore the rest and keep doing what you're doing! Here's to a happy, peaceful 2014 for you & your children
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Old 01-02-2014, 06:35 AM
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Hi Pippi;
I know it hasn't been easy, but you've risen to the task and it is almost behind you.

I'm glad you and your mother have such a strong relationship.
Keep your positive attitude-that brings it's own peace and also I think an upward spiral.

Don't worry about what those a$$hats think you should do or not do.
You have chosen the path which offers you the most freedom in the long run
though the short term is steeper. You will get there and after you are set up
in Europe, he can kiss your a$$hat. Who knows how long he will stay employed
with his drinking on the increase. Having college figured out yourself is a very smart idea.

I also think the secret will out ere long. His drinking buddies will start catching his crap
since you aren't there to take it anymore. I've seen it many many times.

Happy New Year!
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Old 01-02-2014, 04:32 PM
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Move over strategic, grateful, moving forward Pippi. Here comes pi**ed off fed up ate too many jelly bellies in this over quiet motel Pippi and the gym closed early Pippi.

I want my stuff back.

I rented a storage unit but it is mostly empty. He is holding my personal belonginfs hostage.

Give me back my life!!!

I just ranted on the domestic violence hotline. Her final word (the counsellor's) was that this is more than just your run of the mill abuse. And deeper than simoly a desire to control.

She says he can't accept it's over.

That is what my European lawyer said. 'C'est perverse. Et grave.'

Yeah. I know. I don't care.

Pippi wants her stuff back. I want my life back. Every single minute, every thought, breathe, glimpse. Just Pippi's.
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Old 01-02-2014, 05:03 PM
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Your husband just doesn't seem like a reliable source of income. How is your job hunting going? Maybe you can return to school to update your resume?
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Old 01-02-2014, 05:46 PM
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Oh be quiet. How does a person conduct a job search when it is the holidays and they are on the other side of the world practically?

How do I go back to school when I can't pay for it? They don't have those kind of programs in Central Europe for women my age.

Of course he isn't reliable ultimately. For the moment, the world is on his team, though. He is professionally very protected at his level of seniority.

And now don't rile up those annoying People who get on the get a job already Pippi tirade.

Getting a job where I live takes on average 6 months to a year, minimum. Different world.
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Old 01-02-2014, 05:48 PM
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Back to topic. I want my stuff back.

He is freaking mad. He cannot accept that the stuff has to come out of there and it is all over.
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Old 01-02-2014, 05:55 PM
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Hey, Pippi...I'm trying to send you a PM but your mailbox is full.
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Old 01-02-2014, 05:56 PM
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How can you go about getting your stuff back?
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Old 01-02-2014, 05:59 PM
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Well if you rented a unit in your name only and put things in it that were yours,
couldn't you file a police report for theft?

How did he access the unit?
Usually the person who rents it has the only access.

If someone let him in, they would be a witness wouldn't they?
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Old 01-02-2014, 06:09 PM
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I could be wrong but I interpreted Pippi's post as saying she did not retrieve all of her personal belongings from the house her AH lives in.

I wish I had some great advice for you Pippi. If I were you I would be just as PO'd as you are right now. The whole damn mess is just intolerable.
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Old 01-02-2014, 06:28 PM
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Thanks, guys. Yeah, I did rent a storage unit. And he didn't let me get most of my stuff out of my house, so it is pretty sad and emptyish.

Word has it he is stuck in his brain because he cannot accept that I am DONE. Gone. Impossible to control.

I wrote to his lawyer and said that I am in conversation with the attorney general, which is true.

But I am supposed to leave tomorrow (the state) and his attorney says she is too busy to deal with this.

I w-a-n-t m-y s-t-u-f-f b-a-c-k
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