Ritual

I am so taking you up on this

PohsFriend

I have a list of helpful tidbits for you there mate.

You have to practice these in the mirror and can NEVER smile or be aything but deadpan but try these:

"Son, I'm not afraid to go back to prison"
"Anything you do to her, I can pay 5 of the biggest, ugliest men alive to do to you".
"If she cries, you cry"
"Big ocean out there boy... shark sh-t can't file assault charges now can it?"


...we've got time, she's young yet. Let's worry about the other stuff first - I've got your back once she gets to dating age and we can do an Irish/Texan cultural exchange program.

Ritual

PohsFriend

Funny how a frightened teen boy can remember his scripture. It's possible I mumbled something like God help you if you have her home a minute late...
Kid reminded me that God commands us to forgive. I didn't pause an instant before replying "Two things to remember there boy - First, I'm not Him, second, He had a son, not a daughter - clear?".

It was so cute watching the blood drain from his face... and other things... when I said that.

clematis

Just read your post, I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time, it must be hard and you're trying so hard ( at least that's what I read) Isn't there anyone in her family you can talk to? Since they know about her problem, maybe her mother or father? I don't know but maybe they can give you some support? I hope the best for all of you, but especially for your little girl...

FeelingGreat

Hi Ritual
I refuse to believe that as the father of a child you have no rights, especially when the child's mother is incapable of caring for her. In Australia there have been several high profile cases where children have been neglected and the judges have been very harsh towards the fathers for standing by and allowing it to happen. Although there are a lot of anecdotal horror stories out there about father's rights, the facts are that in Australia, when fathers actually contest custody they have a better that 50/50 success rate, probably because they tend contest when the mother is a danger to her children. So don't believe everything you hear around the town; get ye some proper legal advice.
Document, record, keep evidence. It will all be needed should it come to a legal contest for custody.
Stay strong; you are your daughter's best hope now. All the best.

Ritual

@clem - her mother is aware of the problem, but refuses to acknowledge it. Can't say I blame her tbh, it's her little girl after all.

@FeelingGreat - it's mainly because we're unmarried. I'm not automatically granted legal guardianship, even though I am named on the birth certificate. That can be remedied though (did a little reading), and after that I can make some progress. In the meantime, documenting!

Once again, thank you all for advice and support

Pamel

Ritual, your situation is heartbreaking (I guess they all are...).

One thing occurs to me: lead by example. You said that you relapsed into gambling once; having been married to a (mostly recovered) gambler, I can tell you it was not lost on me (I'm an alcoholic) when he went back to GA to deal with a one-time relapse. Maybe your GF would respond well to your re-addressing your problem with honesty and not blaming her, and consider AA herself?

Just a thought. I applaud you for your actions, don't mistake me!

Ritual

Thanks Pamel. I have already decided to get my butt back on the wagon and back to GA this evening. I know that I'll get good feedback there…I always do at the meetings. But although I will remain hopeful, I can't see it making an impression. She's a bit too deep in denial as far as I can see.

But then, I'm no expert - maybe I will be pleasantly surprised

Rit.

PS: Having read lots and lots of threads on this board, I actually consider myself very fortunate that no really harm has (yet) been done. But I do want to try to find a solution before she finds herself as far down the road as I did. And for the sake of my daughter, I'd really like us to be a family again, and I want her Mum to get well. I'm trying not to give in to the "poor me" syndrome - I am too aware of where that will lead for me. So onwards and upwards….whichever direction upwards turns out to be

clematis

hmm, I hoped you were more lucky than me. The mother of my exhusband likes to be in denial too, even after her grandkids told her what was wrong with their dad and asked for her help. She promised to help and talk to him about getting help, when she heard their stories. A few days later she phoned them and accused them of lying; her son didn't have an alcohol&drug problem. I never saw my kids more disappointed.