WalkAlone

Hi guys. I've posted here a few times needing help and you have always given me advice and strength.

This time, it's just to vent as I know nobody understands the situation better than all of you.

My dad is an alcoholic, he has been drinking ever since I can remember and has caused too much pain and hurt over the years that I simply couldn't write it all down. A few months ago, after myself and my mother putting up with his behaviour for years, we finally found the strength to kick him out.

Since he's left the house has been a much more peaceful and calm place. My relationship with my dad hasn't really got any better, but it hasn't got any worse I suppose. Even though he's moved out I know he's still drinking as he is still in the denial stage and hasn't made any effort to get help with his drinking as he won't acknowledge his problem, always blaming someone else.

A couple of weeks ago he fainted in the street and a passer by had to call an ambulance. My dad said the doctor said this was just from overworking and stress but I take that with a pinch of salt. If it was drinking related my dad would only hide it as he isn't ready to give it up. He told me that he was going to go the doctors and "tell him everything" because he wanted to change. I told him I would come with him to make sure he did tell the doctor everything but he wouldn't let me. Again, I knew he wasn't going to acknowledge his drinking but I've accepted the fact that I can't change him now.

My mum let him come to the house today and stay overnight as she didn't want him spending Christmas alone and is worried about him after him fainting. He'd been fine all night, up until half an hour ago when I heard him up to his usual tricks in the room next door (my mum was on the sofa downstairs). I heard him banging and stumbling around. My mum went in the room to find him with a couple of cans of lager (which were already in the house) and half a bottle of vodka (which wasn't, so he'd obviously bought it with him without us knowing).

I told my mum after he'd been the doctors that if he doesn't make the effort to change then I'm finished with him. She told me I had to give him a chance but I knew he wouldn't change. This is it now, I'm done.

Ordinarily I'd feel upset and angry but I just feel nothing. I feel empty. I'm not going to waste another second of my energy on him. He's the most selfish person I've ever known and couldn't resist ruining what had been a lovely day up until now.

There's no talking to an alcoholic, it's like banging your head against a brick wall. I've never believed he'd change but my mum keeps giving him chances because she feels sorry for him because he's now living alone. I need to keep reminding her that he has nobody else but himself to blame for his situation.

Booo

This sounds cruel and I don't know your age, but thankfully he's not in the house for good and eventually you will be old enough to leave (if not now ) I know my fathers alcoholism was enought to get me to dash from the house when I was old enough and moved 700 miles away. Once I was gone, my mum eventually left and came back, left and came back. I was a buffer removed from the situation. She did this until he died.

She never believed my dad was an alcoholic, because he had a job, they had a nice house, they were not living in the streets.

I as a teen was a go between between them, I had forgotten that until I read your post.
I called him every Father's Day, and he was usually raving like a lunatic. So keep those expectations low kiddo.
You are smarter than me.
I always had hope.
My Hopes always were dashed.

I do thank god that our last meeting he was not drunk and we ended with kind words. He was a remarkable father when I was a kid. He drank but was not anywhere close to the final stages. It all changed when I hit about 13. I think I know how you feel and I am so sorry.