Who leaves who?
 

I am wondering who normally leaves the relationship the person who is not an alcoholic or the alcoholic/druggie?
Husband usually is never home doing whatever he wants and I told him a few days ago to leave- He is still here. I don't see XMAS being an exception since he never made changes on our anniversary, or any other Holiday why stay home today.
So we had another discussion and I told him "things will never get better btwn us and it's ok to go ahead and go no hard feelings etc." (I will save the drama that unfolded this morning. I started crying because of what happened and he actually gave me a HUG one like a kid gives that is being forced to hug, one of those dead weight hugs).I know he has another place to live in fact its where he always go everyday twice a day at least. I am proud of myself because I wasn't yelling I was calm. I honestly believe I was crying because little things are hitting me like sparks of what is happening , why it is happening and what I need to do and I'm feeling stronger.
I noticed today that my thought pattern is changing I use to think of how if only he would try rehab, if only this or that, How I didn't catch this sooner, how I didn't notice that, how did I let things get this way. Why he doesn't want to spend time with me or come home early or take the day off.
But after my good cry, TODAY I find myself thinking of stuff that I want to do, go places even spending time with friends. I was wanting to sell my house and start fresh but as I'm cleaning up and I see things in a different light and I like my house again. I feel like I have a pep in my step. In fact I don't want him around right now. Is this normal am I on the right road to Normalville or am I being Naive?

I wonder if we could do a poll? Are there any options to do that?

I left my alcoholic husband.

:Xmas7

in my last marriage, we were both clean n sober when we met...he had 3 yrs in NA and I had over a year in AA. of our 14 years total, we got married about 7 years in, and I was drinking again at 7.5. conscious decision on my part. see I never really wanted to GET married....but he proposed while we were at High Tea at the Empress Hotel in Victoria BC and how the hell do you say NO?????

fast forward another 7 years, which were increasingly awful for me - wasn't him, it was ME. I didn't belong...I tired, lord I tried, to be the GOOD wife...and I was. kept a nice home, took care of him, the bills, the big financial decisions. and yet was off to the bar 2-3 times a week.

and then one day, after years of planning, I was ready to go. I left him the house, all the stuff except for the minimal amount I took with me that either was rightfully mine or my daughter's or he wouldn't care about and away I went to kickstart my own life that was about me. he was/is a great guy. just not the guy for me. I left him in better financial condition then when we met. and I left him the wretched dogs too!

I kicked him out, drove him to the hospital a few days later, he left the state after rehab, I filed for divorce.

I left, I didn't want the house(or the mess that came with it) and didn't want to live in that town anymore either. We moved 20 miles into the "big city". LOL

I left him.

Then he left his kids.

One of each for me.

XAH left us (our three kids and me) for a girlfriend (I can't call her another woman because she was a kid herself, barely 18).

Later, I left xabf. By then I was older and wiser and left before it became a marriage. Maybe 'wiser' isn't the right word choice. If I had been wiser, I wouldn't have let myself into the relationship in the first place.

I walked away from the relationship.

Thank you everyone for your answers

I'm not getting nitpicky here, but the A really leaves first. They abandon the family for their DOC. That's what I try to explain to people who want to make me feel bad for abandoning my AM. She abandoned me first, as a baby. The alcohol always came first. I didn't have a mother, I had a drunk who just happened to give birth to me. It's the same in any relationship with an addict. The moment they choose the DOC, they've left you.

Great point NWGRITS. The A has usually left the relationship long before we even realize it. What happens next is a consequence. I was the one who packed my bags in my situation, decided I wanted more and he seemed okay with things the way they were.

I'd check h a lawyer before making a decision like that. In my case it was my second marriage and it was my house so it was a no brainier, she had to go. I moved into another bedroom, filed for divorce then kept asking her if she had found another place yet. Took four long months but she finally found motivation to leave. She wasn't hanging around much back then anyway so all she really had to do was move her stuff out and change her mailing address.