Christmas wishes...focus on the GOOD
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 90
Christmas wishes...focus on the GOOD
Merry Christmas all,
Not the best for me, and seeing a whole lotta sadness again on this board today. So my message and wish for all of you is that today we strive long and hard to focus on the GOOD & POSITIVES in our lives. We all have them. Let's make sure we surround ourselves with those who love and appreciate us, not wallowing in remorse, self-pity, hurt, sadness, anger about those things and especially people who DO NOT. Start today, and it will help us all get through this trying holiday season. We are in control of our own destiny. We make choices...some of them not the best ones. But we pick ourselves up (again & again), and learn to love ourselves so that in time we will make better ones that lift us up, instead of tearing us apart. Only then can we be on our way to becoming the strong person we were meant to be. She/he's in all of us.
That's my wish for all of you. I'm right there with you...sloshing through the mud with my emotions very raw. We can get through this together. Let's make a promise to change our mindset...if only for today. Baby steps. We CAN do it.
Sending happiness & light
Not the best for me, and seeing a whole lotta sadness again on this board today. So my message and wish for all of you is that today we strive long and hard to focus on the GOOD & POSITIVES in our lives. We all have them. Let's make sure we surround ourselves with those who love and appreciate us, not wallowing in remorse, self-pity, hurt, sadness, anger about those things and especially people who DO NOT. Start today, and it will help us all get through this trying holiday season. We are in control of our own destiny. We make choices...some of them not the best ones. But we pick ourselves up (again & again), and learn to love ourselves so that in time we will make better ones that lift us up, instead of tearing us apart. Only then can we be on our way to becoming the strong person we were meant to be. She/he's in all of us.
That's my wish for all of you. I'm right there with you...sloshing through the mud with my emotions very raw. We can get through this together. Let's make a promise to change our mindset...if only for today. Baby steps. We CAN do it.
Sending happiness & light
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 609
I really love your post Wynter. It was just what I needed. My 5 year old just went with separated AH and once she left, I cried like a baby for 20 minutes. Missing him, our family, etc...He is choosing active alcoholism and I have to remember that. Thank you for pulling me out of my pity party!!
Hope everyone chooses to focus on blessings today!!! We have many!!!
Hope everyone chooses to focus on blessings today!!! We have many!!!
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 47
RE: Two Christmas Celebrations because of Substance Abuse
Well
Right after work (yes, I am at work) I will go to my brothers house to celebrate the holidays. This will be family christmas celebration number 2. I have 2 sisters and a brother. We range in age from 50 to 59. 25 Years ago, my brother started using and drinking. He has never been sober or has never been NOT high in his life. There have been times we have disowned him. There have been times we could not associate with him. He has been in jail a number of times and has become a thief to support his habits.
I am saying all of this because Sunday when we all celebrated the holiday, nobody asked, brought his name up, wrapped up a present or talked about going to his house. You see, he clowns so bad during the holiday that it makes the children uncomfortable to see him in this condition and I started to give him a beat down last year when he fell inside the place we all went out to dinner at.
I told everyone that Never Again will I put myself through that Bull####, however after a year, it seems like it is bothering me so I made up my mind to go by his house today after work even if nobody else does. I have no idea how this will turn out, so if any of you have some advice for me....speak now.
Right after work (yes, I am at work) I will go to my brothers house to celebrate the holidays. This will be family christmas celebration number 2. I have 2 sisters and a brother. We range in age from 50 to 59. 25 Years ago, my brother started using and drinking. He has never been sober or has never been NOT high in his life. There have been times we have disowned him. There have been times we could not associate with him. He has been in jail a number of times and has become a thief to support his habits.
I am saying all of this because Sunday when we all celebrated the holiday, nobody asked, brought his name up, wrapped up a present or talked about going to his house. You see, he clowns so bad during the holiday that it makes the children uncomfortable to see him in this condition and I started to give him a beat down last year when he fell inside the place we all went out to dinner at.
I told everyone that Never Again will I put myself through that Bull####, however after a year, it seems like it is bothering me so I made up my mind to go by his house today after work even if nobody else does. I have no idea how this will turn out, so if any of you have some advice for me....speak now.
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,057
Originally Posted by iamthird 
My 5 year old just went with separated AH and once she left, I cried like a baby for 20 minutes. Missing him, our family, etc...He is choosing active alcoholism and I have to remember that.
My girls just left to spend Christmas day with their dad, but...I "get to" enjoy my solitude for the rest of the day. I mean that in a very positive way.
We've been following our tradition for the 14 years since we've been divorced. They spend Christmas Eve and morning with me, then head to their dad's. My family of origin lives nowhere nearby, so I am typically alone for the rest of the day...but it's okay! I've learned to enjoy it a lot, believe it or not. I treat myself to a long, hot bath, a mani/pedi, Christmas music of my choice, a good book, a day of no cooking for anyone unless I feel like making myself something delicious - woo hoo!, a good movie of my choice, phone calls to my far-away mom and siblings...basically I do whatever I feel like doing.
Wynter, thanks for a positive post on this day that is hard for so many affected by the family illness of addiction.
Praying for peace and healing for the entire SR family today. Merry Christmas.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 47
I got 45 minutes before I have to leave. I thought I would be nervous as this is the first time I have spoken to my brother in months. His substance abuse is emotionally hard on the rest of the family, but because I have the "speak now and tell the truth" attitude, he and I avoid each other because he knows I will not back down drunk, high or not.
For some reason everybody in the family just allows him to be that active alcoholic and drug addict. Me, he pisses me off so I tell him off. It makes me feel a little disrespected when he shows up in those conditions and everybody in the family says "you guys know how he is"....damn all of that. Folks got to man up and deal with life.
This probably will never happen but I used to tell my brother when he would show up drunk or high "what would you do if I came to one of your friends house in the same condition you are in right now"....what if I started feeling one of them up, or what if I took one of them outside behind a building and jumped his bones. What would you do if I started getting high with a few of them and let them have their way with me....what then?
He would get real upset, stop talking and sit in a corner and stay mad, sometimes even crying. I am not sure if he gets what I am telling him, but its the truth.....most folks who are substance abusers can't understand how others see them....they fall down drunk, **** on themselves, throw up everywhere, say stupid stuff, make inappropriate comments, never wash, sit around stinking everyday and just basically **** off life.
But I am pretty sure they have never actually witnessed someone else in the family doing exactly as they are doing. I am sure it would have one of those "unforgettable moment" impact on them.
For some reason everybody in the family just allows him to be that active alcoholic and drug addict. Me, he pisses me off so I tell him off. It makes me feel a little disrespected when he shows up in those conditions and everybody in the family says "you guys know how he is"....damn all of that. Folks got to man up and deal with life.
This probably will never happen but I used to tell my brother when he would show up drunk or high "what would you do if I came to one of your friends house in the same condition you are in right now"....what if I started feeling one of them up, or what if I took one of them outside behind a building and jumped his bones. What would you do if I started getting high with a few of them and let them have their way with me....what then?
He would get real upset, stop talking and sit in a corner and stay mad, sometimes even crying. I am not sure if he gets what I am telling him, but its the truth.....most folks who are substance abusers can't understand how others see them....they fall down drunk, **** on themselves, throw up everywhere, say stupid stuff, make inappropriate comments, never wash, sit around stinking everyday and just basically **** off life.
But I am pretty sure they have never actually witnessed someone else in the family doing exactly as they are doing. I am sure it would have one of those "unforgettable moment" impact on them.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 47
You are so right. Thanks for the pep talk. I really needed it. I know I get on here and talk a lot about my brother and his issues, but trust me.....the rest of the family is effected by having a mom and dad who were both alcoholics and died. Each time someone flies in, comes over during the holiday or starts talking about growing up and our experiences, we re-live it all. Not much we can do, but if we are alive writing a post on this site, we can still put one foot out in front of the other and keep moving. Merry Christmas everybody.
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