Struggling with relapse

Old 12-21-2013, 02:54 PM
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Struggling with relapse

My partner has been in recovery since early this year. He relapsed three weeks ago and has been drinking on and off since (pretty much every weekend since). He's full of self pity and I'm trying so hard to stop myself from telling him how much of an a**hole I think he is.

Around June this year I had a miscarriage and tomorrow would have been my due date. Whilst I have come to terms with it all and get it does just happen etc I do feel a bit weird about tomorrow. It irritates me that I feel I can't feel how I want to feel right now and reflect about things peacefully because in the back of my mind I'm thinking about him and his issues.

For the first time in my relationship with him I'm actually thinking "mmm do I really want this life?". I felt happy and secure knowing he was sober, going to AA and generally being a decent person. This relapse is proving to be a challenge for me. In the sense that I'm struggling to keep cool and detached. Even hearing him snore so loudly right now (because he's been drinking all day) is making me want to scream.
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Old 12-21-2013, 03:23 PM
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Most alcoholics I know are full of self-pity. Yet most don't see that a partner is hurting, because they are so concerned about their own "woes". What does you gut say? Stay or Leave?
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Old 12-21-2013, 03:36 PM
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oh sweetie...F him, FEEL what you need to feel. go wherever you need to go so that you can remember, recognize and reflect. you are far more important that his relapse. that was a CHOICE he made SOBER. treat yourself well.
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Old 12-21-2013, 03:41 PM
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KKE---I remember when you were pregnant and the emotional suffering you went through--with your husb. as well as enduring the miscarriage. You have seen what life is like with him during pregnancy as well as when you are not pregnant.

As Lena suggested--- ask your self the hard questions...NOW. I can tell you, it is a much rougher road after you have children. Many times more difficult. Now is the time to get honest with yourself. Is this the kind of family life you want for your children? Your husband is an alcoholic for l ife. Even with recovery--there is always the specter of relapse.

As for me--the pain of relapse has been much worse than the origional wound of the drinking.

You are can decide, freely, how you want the rest of your life to be. He is responsible for his life and his decisions. You, likewise, are responsible for your decisions as well as the consequences of the decisions. This is why you must be brutally honest with yourself--as well as him.

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Old 12-22-2013, 02:06 AM
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Thank you.

One thing I do know is I don't want a life of sober relapse sober relapse. Especially the way he seems to relapse. Things are starting to change in my mind.
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Old 12-22-2013, 05:23 AM
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KKE, Again, I'm just so sorry for the loss of your child. Please do not let whatever is going on with him affect how you want to spend that day.
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