Mango blast

AH drove us home from the company Christmas party tonight -- 11 years we've gone and that's probably a first. Maybe once or twice long ago he only had a couple drinks early and then drove later? This is a major thing here. It was 9 years of heavy drinking, progressively getting worse. We had a sober and okay (steady, good, pretty ho-hum, blah and that's okay) Thanksgiving and now this. Yes, that was a short sobriety (2 weeks) and a heck of a relapse, but he's again sober and working on it. First time socializing without drinking that I ever remember. One day at a time. No rollercoasters of emotions. Blah is okay for now, with a couple smiles at some point (not happiness, but both of us on our way to getting better) and a bit of "everyday" conversation that normal people seem to do. He's had many other attempts at sobering up, but this time it's very different. This time he's getting help and he realizes how far gone he's been. He's also opening up more and being honest.

We had a misunderstanding while there, but much more my doing than his, and me really not realizing how tough that was for him, with feeling like everyone knew what was going on with him. I'm totally socially inept and have my own issues to deal with. That has come back to bite me several times this past week. (this was the first time involving him)

I'm working on that. I apologized and while I'm hopefully (???) learning, the good of it is that we have been learning to talk to each other. Seriously been working on that for the past couple years and have been improving at it more over the past 6 months, even when the drinking was increasing (or in between there somewhere).

One day at a time....

So what I really need to do for myself is learn to wind down at night and get more sleep. We've been home for hours and I have a hard time turning my mind off at night lately. I know I need to get in to see the doctor, but I keep putting it off as I have a hard enough time just dealing with each day. Steps I can take to have a better week ahead: sleep. sleep. sleep. Breath deeply and slowly. Stretch. Get active. Make a doable list of things to accomplish in a couple of hours and try to finish it by the end of the day. Drink more water. Take my supplements. Find fun and joy in life (LOOK for it, FAKE it, and then let myself FEEL it). PRAY more often. Meditate to balance myself and quiet my mind.

I can feel myself physically out of balance - it's always worse in the winter, but not nearly as bad right now as some years. My heart races, been having slight anxiety issues, super tired, not accomplishing things. I have been taking D supplements this past week, but maybe not as much as the doc had me on last winter. If I don't improve soon, I need to test to see where my levels really are. As for everything else that throws me off, I've been here before and can sort it out again. Just typing this and I realize a couple things that really help that I need to take. Major victory for me tonight was eating only some nuts, the steak and green beans and talking with the chef ahead of time to make sure the veggie didn't have anything on it. I forgot to ask about the steak, but so far it seems like it was okay for me. Drank lots of water and wonderful hot teas they had. So many food intolerances now, but so glad I got through this evening out.

Another realization: in the past week I feel like I've gotten so little done, but I did have a long trip last weekend with our 6 year old, a lot going on with AH and went to the doc with him on Monday (4 hour round trip), did online shopping plus another day shopping in town (a 5+ hour round trip because roads were bad) and then the Christmas party today. I must be doing better than I thought. Now I need a couple days of working on ME and feeling better before we leave for a few days over Christmas. My apologies for the ramblings, but since it's helping me straighten out my mind, I thank you very much for letting me do so!!

DesertEyes

thanks for the update, keepingthefaith, it's great to hear that you and your husband are making progress. _Your_ recovery is certainly shining, I think it's wonderful how you are working on your own issues.

Oh, and please feel free to ramble all you want, that is what SR is here for

Mike

Mango blast

Thanks, Mike.

I'm physically and emotionally exhausted today. AH and I met with his boss (owner of the company he works for) and manager yesterday. After talking with the manager early last week, AH was under the impression they were going to let him work on his sobriety from home. Yesterday it seemed like there was no option other than inpatient treatment as he's too much of a liability risk right now. Ironic - he's working on sobriety and now he's a liability? His boss has experience with this though and I think that's his way of motivating AH to get treatment that can really help him. I completely agree that inpatient treatment is the best route and AH knows he needs help. The one thing I realize now is if I'd picked up the phone and asked for help from them before, it would have been there. I've been closed off from life and others for a very very long time, partly due to AH's drinking but a larger part due to my own issues. I had to find somewhere for our 6 year old to stay for a few hours on Friday night and again yesterday. It was really good for me to have to think of people to call and pick up the phone and call around to find help. It was hard, but very good to do. People are there for me and I need to connect with them more.

I need to wrap presents and pack up for going to our oldest son's home for Christmas. A bunch of other things I really should be doing, but that's at the top of the list and I'll be happy if I accomplish that.