Dave1977w

I've been about 1 month not living with my soon to be ex wife. Last couple of weeks has been almost no contact.

I heard a song on the radio last week, goodbye my lover by James blunt. Not my normal cup of tea but all the words seemed to match how I am feeling.
Anyway I've listened many times, sobing, sobing and sobing.
Other times I have been out with friends and seem to be laughing, and laughing at things again.
I think my emotions are returning. I no longer feel numb and cold!!
Is this grief? Am I recovering?

I think that as strong as my wife's addiction to alcohol is, my addiction to my wife was? I think I was too heavily addicted to her, that only by not seeing her could I start to get better.

I have learning a lot in the last six months from al anon, therapy, books, and by reading the threads on here, initialy about alcoholism, and now about myself.

I would like to thank you all very much, for all that I am learning from you guys

Thank you

lillamy

Well, that's sort of what happened to me.
First I felt nothing. Then I felt nothing. And then I felt ALL THE FEELINGS!!!! At once.
It was quite overwhelming.
Sort of like having a bucket full of crawfish running every which way.

It was hard for me to feel that it was a good thing to have feelings again.
But I think it is.

suncatcher

Wow is that what this is? I felt emotions when I was with XABF then learned to not feel my emotions to protect myself and not have any expectations. It was a numb feeling but better than continuing to be let down and hurt by him. We have been broke up for a year now and I feel my emotions returning in full force. I am reflecting back on the pain I used to feel and know I never want to feel that way again. Though I don't want to go through life being void of emotion, I have to admit I'm scared to feel them again.

gothbarbie

Suncatcher, if you don't mind me asking, how did you guys break up finally? was it a mutual split or one sided? I'm going on month 4 from my AXBF & it's been terribly rough for me :/ We've had zero contact since the day he left for rehab & promised to keep in touch... I like to hear other's stories about how it all happened & how they've dealt.

suncatcher

Gothbarbie, we were together on and off for five years. He broke up with me several times but I always went back to him when he called. He told me when we first got together that he was an alcoholic and I should just run. I didn't listen, thought I could fix him and fell hard for him. He like most alcoholics could be charming, fun and very living. Then he started to show his other side. He would say hurtful things when he was drunk and not remember them the next day etc. the last time he broke up with me last summer, something just clicked in my brain that this was it. My guard went up and I couldn't do it anymore. I packed up and moved an hour away from him. We are still friends but I don't play his game anymore. I went through a lot of emotions at first then I got to the point where I just felt absolutely nothing. I will always care about him but I have to care about myself more. I wish you all the best and I wish your A the best too . Keep posting and let me know how you are doing! Peace

suncatcher

Sorry for my typing errors. Living=loving

gothbarbie

How long would you guys be broken up for? And what were his excuses for breaking up with you? Sorry for all the invasive Qs , I'm just trying to see the correlation with how things ended for us. I keep trying to make sense of everything bc for me it's the closest thing to closure I'm gonna get. Sounds like he put you thru emotional hell like mine did :/ Glad to see you've growm much stronger from this in time.. I'm hoping I will also

SCAN2CROW

Suncatcher, it is also going on 4 months since my AXBF left. He was coming home from a camping trip called me told me he loved me and would be home in 2 hours never saw him again except for him to pick up his belongings from our home. gothbatbie, When he picked up his things he said he was trying to straighten things out with himself but really his drinking buddys didn't like him having to leave the bars to come home to me. Well long story short he was just arrested for the 3rd time so he won't be spending time with anyone but his cellmates for quite awhile. Don't get me wrong I still love the man but my sanity is more important and I just hope that someday he will be happy

Hammer

ewwww. Just clicked that on Youtube. Fully understand.

Not such a good place to be.

Would not recommend you do too much of that.



Here is what I now see as the tipping point . . . .

When you want to get well more than you want to stay sick.


You, too.

suncatcher

We would break up for a week or two then he would call and invite me over for dinner or need my help and codependent me would rush back and go through the same bs over again. I got to where I could see when it was about to happen again. I was always preparing myself for the other shoe to drop. His reasons were usually "I don't want a commitment!" He would say that all the time yet he moved in with me and always wanted me to drive everywhere. Basically used me for transportation and a place to pass out. Addicts are selfish and they will take much and give little back in return. It is better to be a friend to them but don't let them consume you. Find your own happiness in other ways by having meaningful friendships and hobbies you enjoy. If you let them, they will walk all over you and leave you depleted and sad. Take care of you first and foremost. Maintain a healthy distance. Don't let them drag you down with them. It gets tricky and grabs hold if you before you know what's happening. I couldn't see it until I removed myself and then it all became crystal clear. I hope this helps.

suncatcher

Dave, I just now listened to that song on YouTube. It is sad but one I think many can relate to. I posted another thread about theme songs lol. We love who we love whether they are addicts or not. I think they could love us back if their disease didn't rob them of so many feelings and emotions? So sad that many of us give up to save our sanity and that we often don't have a choice. Peace and kind thoughts to you.