m1k3

Good Morning Y’all.

Having a weird morning. I woke up the morning with some debris floating around my head, from a dream I guess, and a general feeling that I am being a disappointment.

I am working on giving myself permission to feel what I am feeling and not to stuff the emotion but also not to attach to it too much. I don’t want to jump on the hamster wheel and start playing the crazy game. This is the first time this has happened in a long while and even though I am trying I can’t identify the trigger.

I’m not sure why I feel the need to write this down and post it but I have learned when I have this feelings it’s usually a good idea to follow them.
As I embrace the emotion I feel like a little kid again and I did something to set off my AF. I feel guilty, bad, sad, like a victim and also like I deserve it. I guess it’s just something that I experienced in the past and it’s time to let go of it. I really believe it has something to do with some reading I have been doing on the ACOA bill of rights. I have the right to feel my emotions. I guess reading this just let something lose, a feeling that I had buried a long time ago and now I am strong enough to feel it and let it go.

Well, it’s just something I will have to work through but I can say I feel better for writing it down and posting it here. No more hiding in the shadows. Thanks for letting me share.

Your Friend,

lillamy

Mike,

Thank you for sharing that. (That thank you button just wasn't enough.)
Reading how you process (or not) that emotion is really helpful to me.
I'm going through a phase (I hope) where I experience a lot of guilt and shame (the shame of having broken the rules) and I liked being reminded of how I can just let the feelings be. How I don't need to follow them to their source and dig them out with the roots and stomp on them and chop them up and burn them and bury them and dig them up and stomp on them again.

I can just let them be.

Thank you for that reminder.

What if we could see our emotions as clouds? Lying on our backs in the grass in the summer looking up and seeing "oh! Look! Doesn't that look exactly like guilt??? Nope, not one bit, don't you see, it's a BUNNY!!!"

Lots of love to you, friend.

Hammer

When . . . you do not know what else to do . . .

Go Do Good.

m1k3

Lillamy,

There is a Buddhist saying that goes something like this.

I am a mountain. My thoughts and emotions are clouds. The mountain doesn't cling to the clouds, the clouds don't move the mountain.

That saying was exactly what I needed at the moment.

Thank you.

Your friend, also, lots of love right back at ya!

Twinings

That's some wise words right there!

fluffyflea

Thanks for your post Mike!

lillamy

I used to work with a Buddhist. That was very helpful, actually, during stressful times.
I'm glad you live in my computer, Mike!

suncatcher

Very wise words! Like mike I have been feeling very emotional these past few days and have been on here a lot to cope with my emotions. I have a son who I believe is struggling with alcohol and pot and making poor choices,an XAB I am trying to detach from along with the aftermath of leaving the drama behind and a daughter who is not with her ex that is addicted to come and can't see my grandson until he gets clean. My grandson was here last night and misses his dad. I told that little man his daddy lives him and we could pray for him together. Sorry to get off topic I should have posted a new thread. Just wanted to thank mike and all the wonderful insight that others share here.

suncatcher

I'm so sorry for the typo! I meant to say my daughters ex is addicted to cocaine! Auto correct didn't let me type coke or I hit a wrong button. Either way it looked bad! Sorry about that wanted to make the correction!