jacrazz

After a very bad breakup from my XABF this past summer, we have recently reconnected. We were able to clear up some unresolved issues between us. We both did a lot of emotional damage to each other and I'm grateful to have been able to own my part in the dysfunction. He also apologized for his behavior and lies. One thing is for sure, we still love each other. He has been going to meetings and is working on sobriety and I have also been going to therapy and working on me. We have been spending time together here and there and its been great. He expressed his hurt after our breakup. I betrayed him by lying, then coming clean, months later. Yes, I did wrong, but I own it and I asked for forgiveness. He hasn't said anything but I know that he struggles with our "reconnecting". Not to mention, he is working on his recovery and is emotionally fragile being newly sober. Things will be great between us, then, nothing. One thing I know for sure is that I can't worry about his feelings of forgiveness. It seems crazy that he is the one that doesn't want to let his guard down!! Shouldn't it be the other way around? Anybody go through this?

suncatcher

The important thing is to forgive yourself. I used to look to my XAB for approval and other things he was not capable of giving me in the throes of his addiction. He has a wall built around him that I could not seem to break through. This often left me feeling lonely and sad. I have since learned to take care of myself and not expect to get my emotional needs met by my XAB. I am glad your A is in recovery and that you support him through that. Just remember to be good to yourself during this time and this is a good place to come for support if you need it.

Leana

I don't know your story so it's hard to comment but as for your question about him letting his guard down? He can't. He needs to concentrate on his sobriety, not a relationship. The fact that he won't let his guard down, is actually a promising sign of his commitment to sobriety in my mind.

jacrazz

And I totally get that Leana. I guess im having issues with his "holier than thou" attitude...I havent said a word. I made ammends and it seemed like he accepted my apology, and that was my goal. Thanks for listening.