Justwantnormal

How do you convince an A to see a doctor? AH has a long list of ailments that (according to google searching) appear to be directly related to the drinking (liver and heart issues). Heart arrhythmia's, high blood pressure, nosebleeds, terribly scaly/cracked skin, IBS, frothy pee, chronic fatigue and on and on. The last few days he's been complaining of chest and shoulder pain and still won't go! He either truly believes he's invincible or he's terrified the cat will be out of the bag and he'll be forced to face the real problem. I'm worried he's going to suddenly drop dead of a heart attack and I'll be left wondering what I could have done. Do I just call an ambulance one day so he has no choice?!

SparkleKitty

You didn't Cause it, can't Control it, and can't Cure it. It is horrifying to watch, but our A's have the right to not take care of themselves.

The addiction protects itself. He will not listen to reason while he is allowing it to run the show. All we can do is decide how much of an audience to this we are willing to be. And yes, of course, if a crisis occurs and you are present, you should call 911 as you would with anyone else.

I know how frightened and frustrated you are. Sending you strength and comfort.

ResignedToWait

The worst part...if he is conscious and aware, he has the right to refuse treatment from an ambulance or EMT personnel even if you do call them.

suki44883

You really can't force someone to seek medical attention any more than you can force them to stop drinking. The thing about calling an ambulance is that he can refuse medical attention and they can't force him, either.

I know how hard it is to watch them self-destruct, but as an adult, he has the right to live his life however he wants. On the other hand, you have that right, too. You don't have to take a front row seat to his destruction. What are you doing for YOU?

Justwantnormal

Hmmm... I've heard that somewhere before Thanks for the reminder SparkleKitty!

Justwantnormal

I know in theory that I don't need to take that front row seat, but it's difficult when he's constantly complaining to me about these things. I suppose I could make that a boundary of sorts? As in, "if you don't go see a doctor about this, I'm not willing to listen any more".

Mountainmanbob

that's exactly what my wife would tell me
I do have some aches and pains that I complain about from time to time
at a point
she says "make a doctors appointment"
I know then to either make the appointment
or shut up
and with time I usually make the appointment

Mountainman Bob

wellnowwhat

This is my boundary too, with the addition "and follow their recommendations".

dandylion

justwantnormal--many people (non-alcoholics) are terrified to see a doctor because they fear that the news will be catastropic. I am sure he is terrified.

I guess, if it were me--I would go ahead and call the ambulance. Sometimes, they just "cave" and go--once the professionals take over.

His symptoms do sound serious, to me.

You are in a very difficult position. I have had to deal with certain extended family members.

dandylion

hopeful4

Can you tell him that you are so worried you are thinking about calling an ambulance? Would that motivate him to go on his own then? Just a thought? Most people do not want an ambulance if they are capable themselves. It does sound serious.

Hugs....Addiction is horrible.

Justwantnormal

Sorry to hear you've dealt with this Dandylion

I've decided I'll ask him this afternoon if he's still having the chest pain. If he says yes, I'll tell him to go to the hospital or I'm calling an ambulance. If he says it's gone away, I'll ask him to make a dr's appointment. I'll explain at that point that if he doesn't go (and follow through with the dr's recommendations) that I'm no longer willing to listen to his 'whining'. I don't need to hear him explain the death he's dying, I can already see it.

Quish16

Justwantnormal
How old is your husband? My heart goes out to you as we are in similar situations. Mine has had bad back ache for months but now he is complaining of a new pain - spasms in his middle back. He too has high blood pressure, lupus, and red spots over his legs plus itching - falls asleep in the day and awake at night and always cold. He is also going to the loo often - I think it may well be a bladder infection. He was so bad last night he had a 500mg naproxen plus cream on his back plus he was coughing from4am - he sleeps n the sofa due to his gout. But I agree with everyone else, we can't make them go to the doctors, or in my case, be honest with the doctor when he goes. I have been told if I call an ambulance, he will refuse it, and he can if he has medical capacity - I am in the UK.
Do try to talk to him but as I am sure you know, even if he gets medication for his heart problems for example, the alcohol may well affect how well it works.
Very best of luck.

NWGRITS

It was always pretty pointless to prod my AM about her ailments. If she did go to the doctor, she was just going to wash down her medication with bourbon. Which was worse, really? I became pretty apathetic about it because she was killing herself either way. Nothing I could do to stop her. But when dealing with anyone who isn't well, my stance is "So, do something about it or quityerbitchin." My husband learned pretty quickly that the Man Cold is not worthy of complaining about, because he's never going to haul his butt into the doc for what truly amounts to the sniffles. If he's going to whine, he'd better be prepared to make an appointment! Lol

Fandy

you cannot diagnose anyone accurately with Dr.Google..so what he is assuming can be grossly inaccurate, wrong. he won't know if he has a heart arryhthmia and liver issue by reading symptoms on the internet.
it is his choice to seek treatment or not...
i know its hard to step back and be objective, but what you describe can't be treated unless he sees a cardiologist , urologist and a nephrologist....oh and stopping drinking might help a lot.
shoulder, chest pain and neck pain would scream to me get me to the ER, cos i might be having a heart attack....or it could be gastritis from booze and poor physical health? only your doctor knows for sure...an ekg and cardiogram are pianless

Lulu39

And sometimes they just drop dead, right in front of you!

Happened to me just six months ago.

MIRecovery

At the end of my drinking I did not want to know what was wrong with me because it threatened my drinking and secretly I wanted to die because things got so hopeless

Quish16

So sorry to hear that Lulu - it must have been horrible for you. I suppose it is something many of us worry about, but you actually experienced it.