help
 

I am new here, I happened on it by accident, a fotunate accident I would say. I am currently in therapy for my codepenncy issues. I didn't start therpay because of my husband's problem, I started it because of problems with work. Though I found that this thing, co-depenency that was inside of me and had nothing to do with the fact my husband drinks. The codependency permeated my whole life, not just my realtionship with him. In my last long term relationship before I met my husband, my past boyfriend refused to drink, not because he was in recovery or a hard core Christan or anything but for his own reasons. Yet I was still a co-dependent with him as much as I am with my husband now. I had problems at work because I was co-depenent, I had problems with friendship becase I was co-dependent.
This was my problem all by itself and had absolutely nothing to do with him. I found that I was addicted to him, because I didn't have to face my own problems when I could obsess about his. I went back to the beginning. I went back to where my problems started.
Right now though I'm so stuck. I'm having this huge identity crisis. I've admitted that ever since I was little I felt "I was bad."
Okay so that is out in the open, great. Now I should be on a path to fix myself. Right? Once that is done then I can deal with how I want to handle my marriage.
I am so stuck. I can't get past this feeling. I can't figure out what is good about me. I can't even figure out what is REAL about me. So many of my accomplisments were done for all of the wrong reasons. I was playing a role. Everything I was proud of doing I found out was really just part of some twisted role I was playing.
Right now the only thing I have is that I am tall, very tall. Over six foot. Nobody and nothing can take that away. Everything that is in my personality because I am tall is real. Good bad or otherwise.
I have my faith, but truthfully now I find out that my view of God is probably pretty skewed by this problem. I can't even really pray. I'm scared to pray for some reason.
I've found a lack of people whO I can really ask for help in all of this. I don't know what I think I will accomplish by putting this information out there into the world. But maybe, just maybe...

Hello Farmgirl!
Welcome to the recovery forum.

I have recommended this book so many times, I believe I am in danger of breaking the "no advertising" rule. "The Seashell People" by Martha Horton. It's about people who have trouble functioning emotionally in adulthood that can be traced back to a time when they stopped growing emotionally in childhood. The way you feel about being "bad", and the fact that you have felt that way since you were little makes me think there may be something for you in this book. There was for me.

There are other people here who feel the way you do, whether it's a mood that comes on them, or just an underlying feeling of unworthiness. You are not alone, and I know they'll be along to share their stories with you shortly.

Please keep posting and hang out here with us! This group makes me feel better every time I come here. And by the way, just in reading your post, I can start the list of good things about you. You are modest, considerate and well spoken. If you need me to pull examples from what you wrote to illustrate how I came to this conclusion, I can, I will.

Hugs!
Smoke

Hi Farmgirl - welcome to our forum. I hope you will gain some insight here and join in on the recover sharing (and also some fun).

There is a terrific 12-step group called Codependents Anonymous (CoDA) which has been a Godsend to me. It is a fellowship of people like you who share the emotional turmoil of codependency. They have a website that has some good material at <a href="http://www.codependents.org" target="_blank">www.codependents.org</a>

Again welcome and hope I could be of some help.

Hugs

Ooooooh! And look at Pernell Johnson's recent "Say Something Positive" post in the General Recovery forum!

farmgirl
Welcome!!!
You are in the right place. People here will be honest when they need to, cry with you if you need it, and congratulate you when appropriate. I have only been lurking around here a couple weeks and have already had very good advice and congratulations (I just bought a car :D )
Keep coming back
Take what you want from here......and leave the
rest
(((Hugs)))

<small>[ May 27, 2002, 09:13 AM: Message edited by: onway2sanity ]</small>

Hi farmgirl,

Welcome to the board. I am just like you. Your post could have been my post except that I'm 5'2 and have a being too short problem :D

The best statement I saw in your post is that you realize that your issues are not caused by anyone else. That is the hardest truth to learn. Taking responsiblity for our issues opens the door to our healing.

I also have a hard time understanding where I am with God. I just tell myself that God is God and he will never change and it doesn't matter that I may be confused right now or feeling unworthy and unloved. My thoughts are not his thoughts, thank God.

It sounds to me like you have made great progress. Keep reading and keep posting. We're all in this together.

MG

Let me just jump on the welcome wagon! You are in the right place. We are wacky bunch when things are going well...and even sometimes when they are not...but we take our collective recovery very seriously. And we will take yours as seriously as our own. Just keep coming back.

Thank-you very much all. It may me cry! In a healthy way.
For someone who says smoke gets in their eyes may I just say you are very intuitive:) I was in desperate need for someone to say something nice to me. I guess I needed a jump start on figuring out what is 'good' about me.
I checked out the CoDA site, I think I will try a meeting.
And that posting in general recovery seems like it will be very helpful. Though it might take me awhile to get the nerve to do it!

Farmgirl

They will welcome you with open arms. They have all been where you are and are there to share their experience, strength and hope. Just like we welcome you here. When you go to a meeting, you can participate as little or as much as you are comfortable with. My first four meetings I just sat and cried...couldn't even share why. And the love and support I felt there was so comforting. I found the best sponsor (I call her my she-devil sponsor with a heart of gold) and she helped me work the steps and grope my way to recovery.

Go as a gift to yourself - you deserve it.

Hugs