michellestg

My husband is an active drinker and it is only getting worse. He has been continually drunk for every weekend for the past 7 months. He has become verbally abusive, and says he wants to leave and doesn't feel anything for me anymore. I have been going to al-anon for two months, and I do feel better, except it is so hard to ignore and live in the same house with him. He plays loud offensive music, leaves the doors open when he passes out drunk, has left the stove on when he was drunk, many times has left his keys in the door several hours until I discovered these things. Even when he is not drinking, he just watches t.v. and pretty much ignores me. I know I need to ignore, but I find it so difficult, how long am I expected to keep on trying to remain in the same home as him. He has cheated on me, he is completly tied to his drinking friends, he says he can not say no to his friends, and that he is attracted to other women and will probably stray again.
I love him so much, I just don't know what to do. I practice the al-anon steps but sometimes, I feel as if I have no peace in my own home, no guiet space, no safe place. How do I hang on! Or do I ask him to leave.
He has admitted he has a drinking problem and has gone to 3 AA meetings, but each time following he has gone on an even worse drinking binge over the weekend.
we attend couples counseling, and he goes to individual counseling, but I think both are probably serving no purpose until he takes control of his drinking.l
How have any of you dealt with the constant caos living with an alcoholic brings- when do we need to get out- If we stay there is no quarantee things will get better- I just need some feedback

Gabe

Hey Michelle,
Welcome to Sober Recovery. I'm glad you're here.
I'm sure you love your husband.
That being said, he's openly cheating on you, making you miserable with his drinking and ignoring your very existance.
I can't imagine what you're getting out of this relationship, except a lot of heartache.
Staying or leaving is your choice.
Whatever you decide, remember that you deserve to live a happy life.
Stick around, there are a lot of people here who understand what you're going through.
Hugs,
Gabe

JT

Welcome Michelle,

Good for you for going to Al Anon and sticking with it! Like Gabe said above...what you do is your choice but what is it that you love about him? Are you loving him the way he is today or the way he was yesterday? Are you loving the man he might become if he stops drinking or are you loving and appreciating who he is now?

And about your recovery...you can continue that no matter where you live. If you leave you will be taking yourself with you...I have married 2 alcoholics and dated several. In recovery you can learn that you deserve to have it all!

Hugs,
JT

ChillGal

Michelle
I was in the same place as you 3 years ago. My husband was also becoming physically abusive. The last time he was I think I had one of those lightbulb moments and realized that no matter how much I loved him I did not deserve to be treated this way. No one does. I guess when I faced this reality maybe he did too. He had tried many ways of quitting but never followed through. He would even quit for 2 years at a time. Anyway I was REALLY going to leave!!! He started going to AA for real then and I think it was partly because he knew that there would be no us anymore. I just didn't want him like that. It's been a hard 3 years and I wished I had started Alanon back then. Keep going!!! You have to decide what you want to do but no one should be abused physically or verbally. Hang in there.

Lorelai

Michelle -
My H has been drinking every day for 15 years. I'm not saying that there is no hope because people get sober every day but I am saying that the drinking can go on forever.

Only you know whether you are willing to stay with him or not but JT is right. You have to figure out you and then, whether you stay or go, you'll be fine.
L