lizatola

To answer your question: It seems that way at this rate. Why would I want to reconcile with this mess?

I am looking for homes to rent at this point. I am not letting our money get sucked into a mortgage which comes along with expensive a/c units, landscaping that needs maintenance, appliances that need purchasing, rooms that need painting, garage doors that need fixing or replacing, locks that need replacing, monthly HOA fees, etc. All of those things are included in a rental(well, most around here anyway).

I think he's bluffing even though he's getting the financials in order. I think he's trying to push me out and quite frankly, I'm OK with that. I wanted to avoid uprooting our son but our son can still come back to this house and hang out and have his room set up, etc. What I'll have is peace and that is priceless at this point.

dandylion

Having owned several houses--I couldn't agree more with the endless money p it that they are. My question is--if he buys it with only h is inheritance money--and there is nothing you can do about this---are you saying that he will likely dip into your mutual monies for the expenses and upkeep?

dandylion

lizatola

Oh, he told me has to at this point because he hasn't gotten any money from the inheritance and that he's fighting with the bank right now. Umm, that doesn't sound promising and he told me the amount he's looking at getting first: barely enough for a 20% down payment on a property. He'd have to dip into our funds to buy a fridge, washer dryer, etc.

It's insanity and I love how he makes it sound like I'm the crazy one!

hopeful4

Our funds = 1/2 your funds. You have the right to say NO!

dandylion

Oh, wowzers, Liz. I can't comment too much on any of your details--as this is just over my head in terms of legal and financial knowledge. Personally, I would have to get advice from a financial professional (who is also a lawyer).

I still say that his is mostly just poking you with a stick to get you to turn back. Still, you have to take your financials very seriously---and do everything to protect yourself that you legally can!!

dandylion

lizatola

Amen to that. I told him I didn't want to be on the deed and that I wasn't ready to sign the spousal waiver until I get something in writing that shows how he's planning on paying for all of this. He keeps putting up smoke screes and turning it on me.

I am meeting a realtor later to look at a rental property that's about 1.5 miles from my house. It looks promising so I'm really hoping I can get approved for it. I may have to leave the dog with AH, though, but we'll see.

lizatola

Oh, and FYI: anyone who's ever given me counsel or advice is now considered a 'feminist nazi'. I just thought you all would get a kick out of that!

dandylion

Oh, Liz.......I know that Hammer(especially) will cherish the title, "Feminist Nazi".

Even more descriptive than "Our ladies of perpetual revenge".......LOL!

dandylion

Florence

Feminists and nazis are strange bedfellows for sure.

Some of us are strident feminists though. I might even be called shrill and humorless... when it comes to dealing with abusive jerks, anyway.

wysiwyg

That's rich. I'm personally a fan of the Rebecca West quote: "I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute."

lizatola

Oh, that's awesome!

I had a bit of backpedaling today mentally, I assume this will keep happening. I tried to convince myself that I can keep living like this for another year or so, that I don't have to move out, that I don't have to find a few extra thousand dollars a month to live off of, blah, blah, etc. I realized that I can quack just like the rest of them.

The good news was: I went to a program friend's house today and helped her pack up her house as she's divorcing her alcoholic and moving into a new home. And, then another program friend came over and the three of us sat there and discussed our situations. All of us were in 'separating from the insanity' modes and it was nice to be with women who understand. It felt good to know that I'm not alone here in my little corner of the world. Cyber support is wonderful but real life support and genuine hugs and loving words go a long way to strengthen our fortitude.

lizatola

Seriously?? Now, he's back to Mr Nicey Pants. Greeting me with a kiss and a smile in the morning and then going and reading his Bible. He's even coming to church with us this AM.

So, I realize I've become so jaded that all I see is manipulation: a way for him to keep the status quo, keep us all in the same house, keep his money where he wants it, all in an effort to 'save our family'. Never mind the fact that I asked him to find some sort of recovery program, go to weekly counseling, and to make some of effort to get help for his attitude issues and 'stinking thinking'. Nah, he doesn't need accountability or a therapist. He just needs to make a show of things by reading a Bible and acting like everything is normal?

And, YES, I am a bit on the edgy side this AM. All I see is; too little too late.

Wisconsin

My AH trots out "feminazi" accusations all the time, too.

First and foremost, I am so relieved to hear that your mass is benign. What a huge relief!

As for your AH--keep trusting yourself. Keep trusting your path. Keep trusting that "more will be revealed" as you get farther down the path to separation.

Seren

I'm so very happy to know that the mass you discovered is benign!

I agree that more will be revealed....how are you feeling today?