SpringsEternal

My AH did a 5 day detox leading up to the 3rd of December at which time he was supposed to head to a rehab facility. Unfortunately availability didn't permit his entry and it was pushed to the 10th. The wheels fell off BIGTIME during that interim period. I was absolutely dumbfounded as he fell into the bottle yet again! I believe that lapse in time from detox to rehab gave him time to say (or perhaps his AV to say), "Hey...heading to rehab anyway. Now is the time for one last hurrah!! Have a drink, friend!" It sickened and disturbed me greatly...but as I've become oh so accustomed to saying...whatcha gonna do?

He was a mess on the 9th. Anticipating his 'vacation' as he has termed it, he chose to self medicate to calm himself (huge surprise there). It was a horrible day. In retrospect I'm glad I had to work. I was stressed, but it allowed me to detach. Anyway, he made it to 'vacation' hotspot, folks. But he was no longer officially detoxed and his head space was poisoned and polluted with all the negative thoughts that come after he turns to the bottle again. After his initial consultation with the staff, they determined he should be transferred to the psych ward of a hospital for further evaluation. We spoke last night on the phone regarding this turn of events as he was awaiting an ambulance trip to the hospital. He is in such a bleak space right now- as sorry for myself as I'm feeling that his choices have ripped my husband, and my children's father out of our home over the holidays, I'm sure it pales greatly in comparison to what he's going through at this moment. But he did to himself, I guess, didn't he. In the depths of his alcoholic driven depression, he tends to have suicidal thoughts. He fantasizes about ways he might extract himself from us, that we may receive insurance money, and ultimately be without the upheaval he visits upon us. Anyway I'm sure that was the essence of his discussion upon admission....hence this detour in his journey. I expect he will be transferred back to the rehab place when they deem he is ready.

I have no idea what to expect...don't know what's going on...don't know how long he will stay...don't know what the protocol will be with him there...I don't know much, and that is the b i t c h of it right now. All I know is what I got over a brief emotional conversation on the phone and subsequent gloomy texts.

If nothing else, I know he is 'contained' and will be soon working the problem. There is a certain amount of peace that comes with knowing that. He is where he needs to be right now. And I slept better last night than I have in some time. (Helps that he wasn't snoring drunkenly beside me....lol)

So there it is. Husband, friend, father.....absent for Christmas. I lay in bed this morning and thought....geez...I won't get a stocking this year...and probably no gifts. How ridiculous is that? lol Because believe me, he certainly wasn't dotting his 'i's and crossing his 't's before he left. I will simply try to make it as 'normal' and excellent as I can for the kids as they are the ones that really count.

Anyway...thanks for listening. Just needed to kinda say it out loud....as this is the only place I sort of feel I can do that.

Any insight to the psych ward aspect of this post from members with some experience would be appreciated. I will try later today to get to the source and learn more.

hopeful4

I am sorry. I will say that my AH went to rehab and did not really get anything out of it. In retrospect I wish he had chosen the other facility we looked at. It is a dual diagnosis facility and would have also treated my AH's underlying issues. We were just looking at who could get him there first. So while you may be in a panic, and I understand, look at it as though he will be getting the help he needs for his true issues. Drinking is self medication for something....I have always believed my AH will never stop drinking until he is treated for the underlying issues he has...which are mental issues.

Hugs to you. See this as a step forwards...

Ps...My AH was amazed when he got to rehab how many people said they were wasted when they walked in the door...the last hurrah.....

cgfox

I'm sorry for what you're going through right now.
My ex/bf never actually made it to rehab when we were together (I'm still trying to detach myselft completely, he has a great hold on me) but I've heard many times after his "bad" weekends that he was going to rehab the next day so it was okay to keep getting high as it was the last time etc etc.
He also told me it was 'normal' (his words, not mine) to want to have one last night/day/whatever of fun before going in. It made me very sick too.
He would definitely need a facility that deals with his mental issues or rehab wouldn't do a single thing for him. I least you know he'll be taken care of in that matter.

Hammer

Hubby in rehab . . . and starting with the Shrinks?

I am seeing some maybe Silver Lining on this Cloud.

Dunno, but this may be like the BEST Christmas Present Ever.

See . . . a LOT of "them" do not know they are whacky (how is that for a respectful, technical term?) We KNOW they are whacked, the kids may KNOW they are whacked . . . but they do not really know they are whacked. The Alcohol (or other Drugs/Behaviors of Choice) keeps them from seeing that.

------------------------

BUT How About You? I do not recall . . . Alanon and all that?

They have any sort of family program through the Rehab?

Take Care of YOU for Christmas. He is taken care of.

SpringsEternal

Ya know? His alcoholism has been a known issue for the past few years. This is the first time I've looked at the possibility that there might be something genuinely misfiring that draws him back in. I'm unaware of any traumas, or overt depression, or anything that would need numbing. It sort of evolved so gradually that I couldn't see the forest for the trees. Hard working...and playing hard just the same. Nose to the grindstone, for the week, and knock back a few/a lot with the pals come the weekend. And quite frankly I was alongside. Somewhere, sometime, though, things took a turn for him. It saddens me to think that he suffers something alone in his own head space that drives him to make such self destructive decisions. I hate that for him. And yes, I believe this is a step forward. It is my only hope, wherever this takes us, that he is able to identify what it is that causes him to believe alcohol is the only reprieve. He's a good man. His kids adore him. I adore him. We have a quiet loving home. He has always been a good provider with a good job........WTF?

Somebody said it once before in the forums.....I SO wish I could throat punch booze...

hopeful4

I understand. While my AH does have underlying mental issues, he only treats with medication and sometimes booze which is a whole other problem. The thing is, he does not drink all the time. He has a good job. He is not some homeless man like people think of when you think of mental issues and alcoholism. He is still an alcoholic and it is still causing me and my family trauma.

SpringsEternal

Yup...at the end of the day, that's what it is. We can analyze, worry, do all our codependent backflips. Regardless of what has brought us/him to this spot, hopeful4, He is still an alcoholic and it is still causing me and my family trauma.

dandylion

Dear SpringsEternal---I am glad to hear that your husband is finally in a safe place where his issues can be assessed. At least, you will have some time of relative peace in your home.

I would like to mention that now is the time to make plans for your "program" for when he comes back home. The early recovery period (first year, at minimum) is a very crutial time in the alcoholic marriage--actually, more vulnerable to falling apart than the period of drinking prior to rehab/sobriety. This comes as a great shock to most spouses--as they were not expecting it. For many-it is as if many of their feelings had gone into hibernation during the drinking period---and emerge in a large bolus at the early recovery period.

Those who do best have a support system for themselves--to help with the changes that are boun d to come. Personally I suggest alanon and a personal counselor who is experienced with addictions. And, SR...LOL!

I'm just saying.......

dandylion

SpringsEternal

Hiya, dandylion. Yes, stuffing and numbing feelings for so long with alcohol can't be good. They will eventually have to emerge with a vengeance I suppose. Might be an explosive thing without something to stifle them- and an atrophied ability to cope with them.
I have spent some time taking care of myself leading up to this. If nothing else, I'm hoping my measures will make me better equipped to handle whatever may come. And coming here has certainly helped. Knowing I'm not alone, and in fact have many allies on this warfront has been an immeasurable comfort. One day at a time. That's what's going to get me to the date he returns, and what will determine the outcome thereafter I suppose.

Hammer

A+++++++++

Good Gordies! THAT is an Understatement

Holy Crap! What a year. Just. Holy. Crap.

Naw . . . . You IS SINGING.





Sing It, Angel Dandylion! Sing It!

Gilmer

Hi, Springs Eternal. I have been in a psych ward before, and it was one of the most pivotal times of my life. I was diagnosed bipolar there, and I was in with an alcoholic, a violent manic, a heroin addict, and a depressed woman who had gotten cracked up and set her boyfriend on fire. The psychiatric visits were great, the technician's group sessions were fantastic, and the camaraderie was good. If we cooperated, we got to go outside to the main house to eat real breakfast, lunch, and dinner with the technician.

Considering what a blubbering mess i was, the stay did me a lot of good. I know it did for the others, too, even though we were all limited to ten days or less because of insurance.

They even offered optional art therapy, which I stank at but loved anyway.

I was in over Christmas in 1998, and what could have been a miserable time turned out wonderful. By Christmas Eve just three of us were left--the firewoman, me and the violent manic. I called my husband and asked him to do me the the tremendous favor of driving out in the freezing rain and bringing us some hot steamed spiced shrimp from the supermarket. Very reluctantly, he did.

The three of us had a wonderful Christmas Eve meal. The "killer" apologized for his previous manic-ness and was much happier. On Christmas day the nurses brought us turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and cranberry sauce in a styrofoam tray. It was a nice gesture. They were so kind.

You get out of it what you put into it. If you make the best of it, you'll get the best.

SpringsEternal

Thanks, Gilmer! that helped to set my mind at ease earlier today. But even feel better now after finally having an encouraging conversation with AH. He has received an assessment and is now in a dual diagnosis setting in yet another city. He's traveled a lot of miles in the last few days. Anyway, they feel he may be suffering from chronic/clinical depression. He appears somewhat uplifted in knowing that there is a name for what haunts him and drives him to self medicate- and subsequently a possible treatment. It was a rather brief conversation, but it sounds as though they will be picking his brain, so to speak, and coming up with medications to alleviate his symptoms. There is much I don't know just yet. But at least for the time being rehab is on the back burner as he gets to the root of the problem that inspires him to reach for the bottle again and again.
He sounded hopeful.....I haven't heard happiness in his voice for a long time that wasn't tainted with alcohol. I know that it will still be a long and winding road ahead, I just hope and pray that this will help him find his way. Thanks for those who have taken time to respond...you guys helped me get through this day!! xoxoxoxoxo