Just learned how to quote people :) sorry to those I didn't directly reply to before.

Stung, my husband is very controlling with money. Anyone else?

I just got to my parents and facetimed with AH and he was *********. I asked "where we you?" (I called him 2 hours ago with no answer). "I walked across the street to get takeout". For two hours?
No answer. Lies lies lies. I wonder if he cheats on me too.

No, but that's because I'm an accountant so I handle all of our family's finances. AH is a serial liar though and he runs anything that he doesn't want me seeing through his corporate AMEX. He's such a snake. I'm nearly certain that he skipped AA tonight and he's telling me that he went anyway.

Easter weekend of 2011. Another holiday where I did everything and he 'relaxed.' On Monday I drove to his office and picked him up. Told him that I could not take the drinking anymore, that I was at my breaking point. I told him I'd give him a week to figure out his next step.

A week later, he'd stopped drinking at home at night, but the following weekend more of the same. Low level drinking, medicated, checked out. Me and the kids alone as always. I woke up on a Sunday morning, walked to his car, looked in the trunk, found vodka bottles there. In a single moment, it all crystalized, it all became so clear, and I knew I could not spent one more night with him. I quietly hustled all four kids (in their jammies) into the car, drove them to my parents' house nearby. AH was still passed out in bed.

When I came home, I was going to tell him he had to leave. The amazing part is I got home and he was packing. I figured he'd fight me tooth and nail to stay in the house; I was prepared to leave. I told him that we had to live apart, that I couldn't take it any longer and could not let the kids continue to be exposed to that.

We met a few days later and I told him that I wanted to live apart but that I would give it 1 year before doing anything. I think he went to an AA meeting or two that first week, then pronounced them "full of losers." He moved into our empty rental condo. I spent the next year in a fog, hoping for a miracle. I figured if this didn't get his attention (losing his family), then what would? He drank more that year. A year later, we had the same conversation, and he cried and said he had a problem and blah blah blah. He shopped treatment programs. He did nothing. I told him it was time to start the legal process for divorce.

So to answer your question. He never got sober. He ultimately decided he didn't really have a problem. And by that time, I was done. When we first separated, there was a chance at saving our marriage, but after that first year apart, there was just too much water under the bridge. I was done.

The crazy part is that I remember the first night he was gone. I felt incredibly light and free and relieved. It has been a couple of years of sheer hell, grieving the end of my marriage, but I'd never go back to that life again. It was going to kill me to live like that.

Stung, I found that my AH was very dishonest as well. I always felt like he had some other secret life in his head. He lies even when it makes no sense to lie.

SoaringSpirits, 4 kids?! How old we're they when you finally left? You're turning out to be my hero, but I have to admit, I hope that my idiot husband makes better choices than yours did. :( It baffles me that anyone can willingly choose to do this to their wive/husband and children. But good for you for doing what's best for yourself and without doubt what is best for your kids.

The kids were 18, 16, 13 and 10.

Yes, it's baffling for sure how readily alcoholics choose their mistress (booze) over their family.