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Need to vent: Mr Nicey Nice is driving me crazy

Old 12-11-2013, 07:32 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Thanks ladies for making me feel better. I think my anxiety goes back to high school when my sister was battling leukemia. For health class I did a report on blood cancers and lymphatic system cancers, mainly because the brochures were in her doc's office and I was sitting there bored. After reading those handouts I got paranoid that I, too, had cancer. I never shared my fears with my parents, they had enough on their plate but I would sit around and check my body for lumps, bone pain, whatever was in that brochure basically. I remember feeling my armpit area and feeling my lymph glands, I cried myself to sleep for days on end in my junior year. It was awful and sometimes I fall back into these patterns and I remember those fears.


And, Hopeful, I have tried Celebrate Recovery but their meetings are 3 hours long here and there isn't a location that doesn't take me a half hour to drive to. It was too much time out of my night and I found just as much wonderful support in Al Anon and have met some wonderful supportive Christian women in the rooms of Al Anon whom I consider trusted confidantes(did I spell that right, LOL?)
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Old 12-11-2013, 07:42 AM
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My friend, I did not realize your sister had leukemia. I can definitely understand how an experience like that would create higher-than-typical fears about medical issues. ((hugs))
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Old 12-11-2013, 07:59 AM
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Awe Liz...I am so sorry. What a terrible thing to have to go through. Huge hugs to you. I can totally understand why that would give you major and huge anxiety. My thoughts, hugs, and prayers are for you. We are here for you!

I am sorry to hear CR did not work for you, but very glad you have found an Alanon group you click with, that is what really counts. Not the program you work, but if it works for you and if you click with the people who are ultimately your support system.

Keep posting, we are with you my dear!



Originally Posted by lizatola View Post
And, Hopeful, I have tried Celebrate Recovery but their meetings are 3 hours long here and there isn't a location that doesn't take me a half hour to drive to. It was too much time out of my night and I found just as much wonderful support in Al Anon and have met some wonderful supportive Christian women in the rooms of Al Anon whom I consider trusted confidantes(did I spell that right, LOL?)
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Old 12-11-2013, 08:36 AM
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Originally Posted by lizatola View Post
Thanks ladies for making me feel better. I think my anxiety goes back to high school when my sister was battling leukemia. For health class I did a report on blood cancers and lymphatic system cancers, mainly because the brochures were in her doc's office and I was sitting there bored. After reading those handouts I got paranoid that I, too, had cancer. I never shared my fears with my parents, they had enough on their plate but I would sit around and check my body for lumps, bone pain, whatever was in that brochure basically. I remember feeling my armpit area and feeling my lymph glands, I cried myself to sleep for days on end in my junior year. It was awful and sometimes I fall back into these patterns and I remember those fears.
Liz, it makes absolute sense that this would trigger a panic reaction in you given your history. I had also forgotten about your sister. ((((HUGS))))

I have been triggering in a similar way because my 40th is this weekend & that was the year that my then-RAF hit his 5-yr sober mark just before turning 40, was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer & died before his next birthday. I feel like I'll be holding my breath until I turn 41. Utterly irrational, I know.

Maybe the hidden silver lining in this for you is to be able to work through this trigger in part of your therapy.... so that when it turns out to be nothing more than a "disgusting ingrown hair" (Thank you Florence, I am still laughing) you will have had growth in an area of your healing that may not happen any other way.

Yep, I'm all "glass 3/4 full & filling" today!
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Old 12-11-2013, 09:03 AM
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Originally Posted by FireSprite View Post
Liz, it makes absolute sense that this would trigger a panic reaction in you given your history. I had also forgotten about your sister. ((((HUGS))))

I have been triggering in a similar way because my 40th is this weekend & that was the year that my then-RAF hit his 5-yr sober mark just before turning 40, was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer & died before his next birthday. I feel like I'll be holding my breath until I turn 41. Utterly irrational, I know.

Maybe the hidden silver lining in this for you is to be able to work through this trigger in part of your therapy.... so that when it turns out to be nothing more than a "disgusting ingrown hair" (Thank you Florence, I am still laughing) you will have had growth in an area of your healing that may not happen any other way.

Yep, I'm all "glass 3/4 full & filling" today!
LOL, yes Florence did make me laugh on that one. I'm sorry about your dad. My dad died 2 years ago and he died of a brain tumor that was located on his spinal cord. His older sister also died from a brain tumor and that is one of those things in the back of my mind, wondering if that's something I should be concerned about in my future?

As for my sister: she's in her 30s now with 2 kids, living her own drama filled life. We are very close and when my son lost a friend last fall to leukemia and lymphoma, my sister was very supportive to him and to us. It's so hard to see that some live and some don't when it comes to cancer.


UGH: and I sent an email to AH to let him know that I'm a bit on edge because my mind is caught up in the 'what ifs', so please disregard my spaciness. He sent back an email with a Bible verse about worry attached to it. Then, I did a very bad thing: I gave him the finger through the walls of the house(he was in another room, obviously) and I cursed in my head in Italian at him(I studied Italian for 7 years and I know all the good ones, LOL!). At this point, anything nice he does is bringing up some serious anger and resentment issues for me so I really have to watch that in my own attitude so that it doesn't bring me down.
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Old 12-11-2013, 09:05 AM
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Originally Posted by Wisconsin View Post
My friend, I did not realize your sister had leukemia. I can definitely understand how an experience like that would create higher-than-typical fears about medical issues. ((hugs))
She was 5 and I was 13. It was a crazy time for all of us. She was being treated at one of the best cancer hospitals in the country though: Sloan Kettering in NYC. I still go all big sister on her and I've found my Al Anon program wonderful in helping me to watch what I say to her. I don't give advice unless she asks anymore, I don't 'should' her anymore, etc. It's really helped our relationship tremendously!
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Old 12-11-2013, 10:27 PM
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Matthew 6:34? I keep that bookmarked in my Bible for when I need to keep the hamster wheel from spinning night and day. I future trip a lot.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

You've grown and changed so much in the past year. I hope you are able to see the growth and just how big it is! I'm hoping for nothing more than a cyst. Keeping you in my prayers.
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Old 12-12-2013, 02:13 AM
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Hi Liz,
I'm so sorry to hear about your lump mass under your arm. I absolutely understand your concerns and although there's say an 80% chance it's nothing there's still a 20% you need attention. I know that's not a nice thing to say but we only get issues one life and for women breast cancer is pretty darn dangerous. Have you done the self diagnosis's techniques that are available on the net? One thing I'm 100% certain of is the stress you're experiencing can and WILL get you sick! I had a bad breakup many years ago and as a result of the stress I was experiencing I ended up with Thyroid Storm Crisis and came very close to death, in fact I had an actual out of body experience, gone for over 2 minutes.
Anyway, I'm really glad you have a sponsor, and it sounds like you're trying to do the right things. One thing you need to do is get the man out! His path to total destruction will destroy you and like you said you truly might be better off taking your son and leaving for somewhere safe. I know it's none of my business but is he a functioning alcoholic? Just wondering if he's responsible enough to keep the house payment paid, the lights on, the phone paid, water and gas on and all the other things necessary to keep the house running. I'm not a gambling man but I'd be willing to bet you take care of everything I listed. I guessing you do everything for this man. Well it's time you take care of your son and yourself and I hope you have a place you can go. Sounds like you have a very good head on your shoulders and with prayer you will make the right choice.
Remember life is a gift and wasting it even a day is wasting the gift. Your happiness starts one day at a time and it starts with you. Boy have I ever been there and done that. Nine years ago November I joined Alanon, when I went I was not only going through intense Chemo but I was also very sick due to my qualifiers in my life. They were so selfish that they could care less that I was dealing with a life threatening disease and being treated with daily doses of poison. I lost close to 80 lbs dealing with my disease. Alanon saved my life, together with my sponsor and me working the program and of course attending as many meeting as I could. I learned early in my recovery that I'm responsible for my own happiness and that NO is a complete sentence. Having the courage to stand up to my qualifier and saying NO was one of the greatest feelings I think I have ever had.
Fortunately for me it didn't require me moving out but it sure was hell on my life. Today my main qualifier is still ungrateful and unappreciative but I'm aware of who this person really is and I wont be hurt again. The only way I can be hurt is by me letting my guard down and allowing myself to be hurt.
I have a pretty good idea of what you're going through but everybody's circumstance is different and the way we handle it may take a lot of time. For me, there where days that I had to focus on making one breath at a time and eventually I was making an hour at a time and gradually I'd make to one step at a time to one day at a time but by compartmentalizing my pain to smaller segments be it one breath or one day, I always was able to deal with the situation in real time. can't change the past at all, can't control the future but you can control your "Now" space and who you let in it.
Gosh I'm probably not making much sense, I'm just trying to offer you some food for thought. I know probably like many others here, that you're in a lot of pain and you don't need to walk it alone. I'll be sure to pray for you and your son, I'll pray for your husband and especially your family.... God has amazing power and He NEVER makes mistakes. I can honestly tell you that everything in my life has happened for a reason. The reasons become much clearer as you grow your relationship with your higher power.
Good luck and God Bless!
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