Worried about a Friends advice

Old 12-09-2013, 08:14 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I could tell this was something she does not want to do and that she loves me.
Babe -- you don't have enough gas in the tank to worry about what she does or thinks or who she is or isn't taking advice from right now. You are pretty recently sober, I gather, and that means you have a full time job working your own recovery. As we say here -- sweep your side of the street. Stay sober. Work your program. And the rest will work out one way or the other.
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Old 12-09-2013, 09:39 AM
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WR, I just went through your previous posts....On October 23 your wife called the police on you twice. You were completely drunk and spent time both in jail and the mental health unit of a hospital.

I am guessing that she has an order of Protection against you due to your erratic behavior. You've been sober about a month? that is a good start, but you have to let this go and stay sober for yourself. Hopefully if this sticks, you can rebuild a relationship with your child.

and BTW, I am the alcoholic, (sober about 31 months). I accept responsibility for all my actions, I do not blame others, friends, neighbors, the mailman.

I think your Xwife or STBXW deserves some space (and child support of course). I hope you feel better soon, it's good that you WANT to change... why don't you start by cleaning up what you can financially for her? working will help keep you focused and sober too.
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Old 12-09-2013, 09:56 AM
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Congrats on your sobriety, WhiteRhino.

You've gotten great advice from this side of the street. I think a key we look for as the F&F of A's is ACTION. Your words mean very little at this point. The action we look for is recovery work - treatment program, AA, sponsor, working the steps, counseling, etc. You may be sorry for the things you have done, but saying "I'm sorry" will not cut it now...you have to live sorry - that's making amends for the past behaviors.

MountainMan spelled it out very clearly...take care of yourself, take care of your family & personal obligations, turn it all over to your HP. As you do have children, you & your wife will continue some sort of relationship. When time has passed and your actions are speaking for themselves, you may be able to request couples counseling to see if you can come back together. Maybe you can, maybe you can't. For now, let her go work on herself.

As for her friend...it is her choice who she confides in and trusts now. Someone that has a close A family member is going to be a trusted confidant because they know or understand better what she has gone through with you. Her friend is not the problem. Your wife is grieving her marriage - her hopes, her dreams, etc. She is dealing with the emotional & mental fallout of alcoholism. It is painful and heart wrenching, even without physical abuse.

For now, keep working on you. Thanks for your post.
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Old 12-09-2013, 10:38 AM
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I think you have gotten some great advice here - the main focus is you - keep working your recovery...Actions will go a lot farther than anything you can say right now. If you put your recovery first, and work it 100% you will find happiness whatever the outcome may be.
Put your faith and trust in your higher power and focus on your recovery - you will be happy that you did!
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Old 12-09-2013, 10:55 AM
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Well, I think y'all about summed it up! Always impressed with the good advice here from both sides of the street. Speaking of streets, you are only responsible for your side of it. Much success in recovery to everyone
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Old 12-09-2013, 05:33 PM
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I am in the wrong for posting what I did. I offended someone that I do care about I was just frustrated and lost last night and I wanted to write about it and get feed back. The feed back I got was great thank you guys. I know this is a heated subject and things can go anyway in an alcoholics life they just need to stay focused on the now and not what will happen later. I will work hard and get my life together if my wife wants to come along for the ride I would love that because she is the love of my life and I will never be able to get over her. She is the most incredible women alive imo and its very hard not to be able to talk to her. I hope one day she will talk.
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Old 12-09-2013, 05:46 PM
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Originally Posted by Whiterhino24 View Post
she is the love of my life and I will never be able to get over her. She is the most incredible women alive imo and its very hard not to be able to talk to her. I hope one day she will talk.
I understand that feeling all to well. But I've come to love myself and realize there are lot of good people out there, and I'm deserving of love.

I hope one day you see yourself as deserving of love not only from yourself, but others as well.

It would be nice to find a woman who could be my one and only - but when it becomes tunnel vision can be very detrimental to your spiritual/mental well being. She's just a person, flawed in her own ways - just like you are. We are all flawed, it's just a matter of severity.
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Old 12-10-2013, 03:05 AM
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Take care Whiterhino - I wish you all the happiness in the world. Please be patient and please focus on your own sobriety at this moment in time. Very best of luck. Sorry if some of the posts sounded hard - I didn't intend mine to but a lot of us have experienced abuse and it does take a long time to recover and forgive.....
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