Booo

Does anyone else have this problem? I have told Very few people of my struggles with being a Co to an A, so few people know he is an A.
He is a mostly at home drinker with a few issues on vacations when "everyone else is having a beer"
Um, well yes, and yes Of course not everyone else is an alcoholic.

But now with the holidays, are men just harder to buy for? This happens at his birthday too, we have always had dinners or get togethers and it is always a BYOB thing (which was an issue but that is in the past and I am trying to look ahead) they ask, even when we say NO GIFTS "can I get him a bottle of wine? Single malt? Flavored vodka of the month? Or just fill in the blank with the cocktail of your choice.

His birthday last year I told one friend to both of us who has no idea and wanted to give him some Port wine or something "you know he's actually trying to cut down" and that is as far as I went. No actually I said, "he won't admit that outloud, but he really wants to cut down" (like me and Toblerone as an example)

I am not sure i should shout his issue from the roof tops, its his problem, not mine (until he progresses) so if someone actually asks if they just just "get him a bottle of booze or something" for Christmas or birthdays, do any of you say anything about your As issue? Or does this only happen to me?

dandylion

If it were me--and I didn't want to share his alcoholism with the world--I would just say--

"The best thing you can do is bake him a carrot cake--he just Loooves carrot cake".

dandylion

lizwig

Does he have a favorite charity? If so, perhaps you could suggest a donation in his name? This is a tough one...alcohol seems to be the grab and go for so many occasions.

atalose

I think the best thing you can do/say to those that do ask is to steer them in a different direction. Simple tell them that your home has far too much alcohol in it now, more is not needed. Then steer them towards cookies, deserts, cheese, I love the charity idea, movie tickets, books there are so many other ideas you can give them.

Yurt

I have been struggling with what he offer my AH for a gift as well. I am a bit gunshy after the disaster that resulted from the gift that I gave him for his birthday in August. I bought him a comforter for our bed in colors that he likes. He threw it at me in disgust.
I hesitate to buy tools (he has most of what he needs), and while he enjoys cooking, he says that he doesn't want any more kitchen items. Probably need to buy something soft again, for my own safety!

atalose

Rather then continue to keep trying to please him, because that obviously is not going to happen. Simple give him a gift card so he can please himself. End your hurt and disappointment, keep it simple and thoughtless - kind of like him.

Hammer

dunno if I mentioned it. Thinking real hard about getting Mrs. Hammer a new DSM - V.

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition: DSM-5: American Psychiatric Association: 9780890425558: Amazon.com: Books

Figured we (me and the kids) would all sign the inside cover . . . Love, Christmas, 2013.

She actually needs a new one. For work and all.

Kind of funny to me.

Leana

Here are a few responses:
"The only gift we want this year is your presence at the party"
"Our family is trying very hard this year to get back to the true meaning of Christmas, we really would appreciate no gifts"
"We understand Christmas is about giving please use whatever money you would have spent on us to give someone less fortunate that us."
"We've decided to take alcohol out of our Christmas celebration this year, please respect our decision."

Leana

P.S. Maybe not the most "tactful" but when issuing invites for Thanksgiving I ended each conversation with "please do not bring alcohol" That's it. No explanation. And not one person asked why, nor did they bring it.

LindaLou

Love this idea!