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Don't they just LOVE a CRISIS!

Old 12-07-2013, 12:11 AM
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Don't they just LOVE a CRISIS!

So, my youngest got into a fight at school and punched another kid. Not any, old random kid mind, he whacked his best friend, who just happens to be the son of one of my best friends...awkward? Perhaps, but it doesn't have to be.

I got home late from work as I had a function. Youngest kid pounced on me (I was totally exhausted) and told me he had to finish a project which was due in the morning and, by the way, he whacked "Fred". He was very upset with himself and freaking out.

My head started to spin. I was thinking:
What do I do about this?
How do I fix this?
Should I phone Fred's Mom, my friend?

And then I thought, nah. DON'T DO ANYTHING!

And I didn't. I thought: "Don't just do something, sit there". And so I did.

I told my youngest that he had done a very silly thing and there was no excuse for violence and he would have to deal with the consequences. The school my kids go to is excellent: The youth workers and student advisors had already interviewed both boys and my youngest said they had to go back to student counseling the next morning. I was OK and all good with this. Youngest was still upset but resigned to the fact that he would have to revisit and deal with what he had done in the morning.

It was 9pm and not the time or even my place to go phoning and fixing and explaining and running around the house yelling "THIS IS A CRISIS!".

Except that XAH phoned to talk to the kids. Next thing, youngest is on the phone to XAH and weeping and wailing and sobbing. I could hear XAH yelling at the kid. Then XAH demands to speak to me.

XAH started yelling at me, using that real superior, "I'm the king of the family" voice, except of course he was drunk and I think affected by something on top of alcohol and pot.

"WHAT IS GOING ON IN THAT HOUSE?" He yelled at me over and over again.

My answer: "I'm not sure I understand your question and I don't like what your question is implying.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE ABOUT THIS?"

My answer: "Nothing. I got home 20 mins ago and I am not getting involved. The school is dealing with it and will sort it out.

"BUT HIS MOTHER IS YOUR FRIEND!" "YOU HAVE TO FIX THIS!", "CALL HER AND FIX IT OR I WILL" quack quack quack. He also called me a f*cking useless b*tch and a f*cking useless mother. Made threats about taking the kids from me, wondered aloud to me who I was f*cking. It was a lovely, pleasant conversation. My end consisted of "That's interesting", "Oh, I see", "Hmmm", "OK" etc.

XAH, after all his yelling at me, phoned my friend. What a freakin' JERK!

She called me afterwards almost peeing herself laughing. She said that her Fred was all a bit "meh" about the whole thing and it was about time one of his friends whacked him for being incredibly bossy and annoying. XAH had demanded my friend phone him back however she laughed about that and said that as he sounded pretty drunk, she had no intention of doing so.

I was really thankful XAH no longer lives with us. He loves this kind of event as he can make it a CRISIS and a CATASTROPHE and therefore have a reason to drink more and rant and rave more.

I did say to him at one stage that there was no need for his reaction and that he was using the situation as a reason to drink more. I think he called me a f*cking idiot in return: "I AM NOT DRUNK!" he yellslurred.

Kids and I just switched off the phones and went to bed in relative peace.
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Old 12-07-2013, 12:25 AM
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yellslurred... that's a good one.

Sounds like it's all said and done with and you and your friend didn't have to do anything. ahhhh Now that's the life. lol
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Old 12-07-2013, 12:25 AM
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And then I thought, nah. DON'T DO ANYTHING!
And I didn't. I thought: "Don't just do something, sit there". And so I did.


You did the right thing. My oldest has been getting in minor trouble in school since his dad died. I've found if I go with the flow, things tend to stay on an even keel.

"BUT HIS MOTHER IS YOUR FRIEND!" "YOU HAVE TO FIX THIS!", "CALL HER AND FIX IT OR I WILL" quack quack quack. He also called me a f*cking useless b*tch and a f*cking useless mother. Made threats about taking the kids from me, wondered aloud to me who I was f*cking. It was a lovely, pleasant conversation. My end consisted of "That's interesting", "Oh, I see", "Hmmm", "OK" etc.

Ugh. What a wanker. (You guys say that, right?) Hope the censors don't bust me if that means what I think it does.
All in all, beautifully handled- by you, of course.
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Old 12-07-2013, 08:35 AM
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You did good. Really good!
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Old 12-07-2013, 08:35 AM
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[/QUOTE]

Ugh. What a wanker. (You guys say that, right?) Hope the censors don't bust me if that means what I think it does.
All in all, beautifully handled- by you, of course.[/QUOTE]

I agree. There are free speech items worth getting busted for. . .
He's not just a wanker

He's a supercalafradulistic wanker

wanker deluxe

Man of Wank

You did great!
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Old 12-07-2013, 08:45 AM
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dunno if it would work, but maybe do a caution to him, that when the yelling and names start . .. you all (kids, too) hang up the phone. Not hostile or drama on your side -- just No, We Are Not Going To Be Treated Like This.

It is a boundaries thing. Does not really control him, but it protects you and the kids. Pretty much what I have learned from Alanon, and the kids the same for Alateen. We just sort of walk off -- not really confrontation -- but it just works out the abuse stops when we all go out of range.

We have watched the Rage stuff go Way Down, when we do not give ourselves as place for it to go.
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Old 12-07-2013, 03:04 PM
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Agree with Hammer. Last time I agreed to talk to xah on the phone, he started yelling about something within the first two minutes. I told him that he needed to stop yelling at me. So he started screaming that I should not dare hang up on him. When he couldn't stop, i ended the conversation by returning the phone to its hook.

Never to pick it up when xah calls again.

When he speaks to the children, i keep one ear open to the sound of their voices, to know that they are having a normal conversation and not getting yelled at.

I am happy for you that your friend wasn't more upset about the situation between your boys. It's always tricky to get the full picture about the conflicts between boys. I like to give it some time to let the story expand or evolve before acting.

Next to your kids' father wants to scream at you on the phone, your kids might be interested to watch you model how it isn't necessary to let him yell at all.
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Old 12-08-2013, 12:01 AM
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This sounds so much like a lot of my interactions with my XAH. My son has anger issues and has been seeing a counselor for a year with good results - not getting into fights at school, keeping his cool, etc. But his dad swears it is doing no good because it doesn't improve his behavior when he is at his dad's house....hmmm, here's an idea - set a better example and stop being an a$$?

Sorry, ranting a little but I totally get where you are coming from.
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Old 12-08-2013, 12:16 AM
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Oh, I did hang up on him. About 3-4 times. He kept calling back.

When he does this I pick up the first few times as it's only sporting of me to do so and I like to test myself to see how much of his crap I can say "Uh huh" and "OK" and "that's interesting" to before I say Enough! and refuse to pick up.

I suppose it's stupid, but it's like I test myself to see how uncodie and disengaged I can be, if that makes any sense.

Afterwards I do feel some angst but it doesn't last like it used to as I don't care what he thinks about me. I don't care about his threats as I know they are QUACKS.

This time last year he threatened to drag me to court as he was currently drafting some kind of legal order to take the kids. I believed him LMAO! for about 5 days, until I realised it was a QUACK. Where I live we call these kind of threats "gunnas": I'm gunna QUACK QUACK QUACK, he never, ever follows through with anything he SAYS he is going to do EVER. And now I have learned this and believe it.
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Old 12-08-2013, 01:11 AM
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It's no wonder the kid whacked someone. Look at what's on the other end of that phone! FWIW, my 8yo son has gotten mean and a bit physically pushy and I know where it's coming from. I'm working on fixing myself to set a better example, but I also have to let him own up to his own mistakes. I can't very well do what I do and face my consequences, and then swoop him up to safety when he does the same thing. If only his father would learn that lesson, too...
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Old 12-08-2013, 06:58 AM
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I absolutely LOVED this post!!..you are the bomb!..lol
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Old 12-08-2013, 08:01 AM
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I LOVE that your friend laughed at him. Glad it all worked out with minimal damage to you and the kids. Good job!
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Old 12-08-2013, 08:05 AM
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That was awesome!
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Old 12-08-2013, 10:00 AM
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Originally Posted by Lulu39 View Post
Oh, I did hang up on him. About 3-4 times. He kept calling back.

When he does this I pick up the first few times as it's only sporting of me to do so and I like to test myself to see how much of his crap I can say "Uh huh" and "OK" and "that's interesting" to before I say Enough! and refuse to pick up.
Ahhhh. . . . well . . . cannot complain too much about the game when we choose to play along.

I suppose it's stupid, but it's like I test myself to see how uncodie and disengaged I can be, if that makes any sense.

Sure. Sort of like can an Alkie just drink 1 Beer? Test your manhood HERE.



Afterwards I do feel some angst but it doesn't last it used to as I don't care what he thinks about me. I don't care about his threats as I know they are QUACKS.
Fortunately, you are likely getting bored with the game. Good for you in that regard. Remember we cannot get well messing with them.

Have Fun.
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