change AH passcode or leave it alone? What would u do?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 51
change AH passcode or leave it alone? What would u do?
As most of you know on here that my AH is currently in jail awaiting trial for assault against me. Maybe some of you also remember he locked me out of the bank account in October to power trip. The account is only in his name, but he always allowed me access before. Now my moral question to you all....
I am tempted to change his login password to his online banking so I can gain some control with the bills (we have automatic bill pay through his account) and know what's going on. Would you change the passcode to gain access or leave it alone?! Please let me know your thoughts.....
I am tempted to change his login password to his online banking so I can gain some control with the bills (we have automatic bill pay through his account) and know what's going on. Would you change the passcode to gain access or leave it alone?! Please let me know your thoughts.....
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Indiana, IL
Posts: 424
Could that be considered illegal? If it is in his name only it would seem it is his account. How would you feel if your alcoholic husband stole from you? Us co-dependents should not stoop now to the alcoholics behavior.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
you are legally married and I am certain you have joint legal obligations.
that is a real good question, the fact that it is solely in his name, makes me question the legality of doing that, you might end up in hot water for tampering with it, I don't know..........
Are you currently on speaking terms with him?
if you don't need the money i would leave it alone, if you do need the money, perhaps enlisting an attorney help and getting a power of attorney would be the way to go..........
you really don't want to end up his cellmate, do you?
If you always play above the board, you will not have remorse, or legal complications.
that is a real good question, the fact that it is solely in his name, makes me question the legality of doing that, you might end up in hot water for tampering with it, I don't know..........
Are you currently on speaking terms with him?
if you don't need the money i would leave it alone, if you do need the money, perhaps enlisting an attorney help and getting a power of attorney would be the way to go..........
you really don't want to end up his cellmate, do you?
If you always play above the board, you will not have remorse, or legal complications.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
I do not mean to be harsh by this...
Do NOT change his password. That is his account in his name. It is not a joint account. You have no right to it. Tampering with someone else's bank account is illegal.
If you need to find out about finances, you might consult an attorney first. If you are on speaking terms you might ask him for access, but since he is awaiting trial for assault on you I would not count on him.
Have you been able to establish an income source other than him?
Do NOT change his password. That is his account in his name. It is not a joint account. You have no right to it. Tampering with someone else's bank account is illegal.
If you need to find out about finances, you might consult an attorney first. If you are on speaking terms you might ask him for access, but since he is awaiting trial for assault on you I would not count on him.
Have you been able to establish an income source other than him?
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Indiana, IL
Posts: 424
If this situation was reversed people here would say to call the police on the alcoholic stealing. It's interesting that codies share some of the exact same traits as the alcoholic. Except we do not drink booze to excess.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Here and now
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Originally Posted by Upsetnneedhelp 
If this situation was reversed people here would say to call the police on the alcoholic stealing. It's interesting that codies share some of the exact same traits as the alcoholic. Except we do not drink booze to excess.
I know what I would do if I needed to feed my baby and keep a roof over his head.....hugs!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 51
Well, so far I am seeing a big NO. :-) I do not want to get in any legal trouble; so I will leave it alone. I am not sure that an attorney would be worth the cost since its entirely his account. I have been applying for work but nothing so far. I just don't know if our bills are being paid anymore. That is why I brought this thread up. I appreciate all your honesty. There was an automatic order of protection for me, so we are not communicating at this time. Keep it coming....
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
the account is in HIS name only. let's reverse it....say you were otherwise engaged and he knew your access code. would you be cool with HIM logging into to YOUR account, changing YOUR passcode and doing whatever with the funds? if you feel you need those funds, go the legal route. do not do anything underhanded.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,871
you really don't want to end up his cellmate, do you?
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Indiana, IL
Posts: 424
This situation you bring up is a interesting one. What is moral and what is legal do not always go together. The justice system is extremely flawed. I have huge resentments towards the US legal system that is draconian in nature. I must work on this. Sorry, your post brings up a lot of emotions.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,728
I wouldn't do it if it were my husband's acct. I can also tell you that we have seperate accounts. After his accident, on a sober day (imagine that) we put a living will in place, a will and a POA. I can access his account now and pay bills but I can not remove money right from his account into mine.
What we do as a married, concenting couple is different. If your name isn't on it, you're out of gas.
What we do as a married, concenting couple is different. If your name isn't on it, you're out of gas.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 339
I was in a somewhat similar situation. I had lots of anxiety that would spiral from the bills aren't being paid to I'm going to end up bankrupt and homeless. I did not end up doing anything to his bank account. An attorney friend gave me the advice to keep my dealings clean in order not to discredit myself. My T stressed taking things one day at a time. It's another situation where you have no control and it feels awful. Good time to practice al-anon principles if you're into that.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Indiana, IL
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Originally Posted by suki44883
Sorry, but this made me giggle. If there's anything worse than living with an addict, it would be living with one in a 10x10 foot cell.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
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Well, I will keep myself from escalating the situation by leaving it alone. I know when he gets out he will be shocked I didn't touch it! Can't use that against me. Just will keeping applying for jobs and pray things are getting paid. I am also sure my AH likes being in there....no more responsibility. He doesn't like having to be a productive adult.
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 537
Banking might be different where you are, but if you have enough information to change the passcode, don't you have enough info to actually look IN the account? Or not? If your primary concern is knowing that bills are being deducted (or not) then wouldn't looking be enough?
Forgive me if its totally different where you are...just where I live to change the passcode means you have full access anyway...
Forgive me if its totally different where you are...just where I live to change the passcode means you have full access anyway...
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