HopeIsHere

Hi everyone.
I have an alcoholic in our family. My father is the one. He doesn't want to quit it, it better to say, he doesn't belive in any sistems of recovery centers. He is just fine with this lifestyle. During all my conscious life I have been watching this s***t. I love him when he is sober, and I hate him when he is drunk.

Seren

Hello Hope,

I'm really sorry to hear about your Dad. I wish I had some wonderful and insightful words that you could tell him to get him to see how self-destructive he is being--but I don't.

The horribly sad truth is that there is nothing you can do or say that will make him want to quit. He has to want sobriety for himself.

Are you at university? Do you have your own home now? Sometimes, just being able to spend time away from the alcoholics in our lives is very helpful!

Please keep coming to this forum and read all you can. There is a lot of combined wisdom and experience here.

Welcome!

SnoozyQ

Welcome hope , keep posting ..so many of us here understand what you are going through xxxx

HopeIsHere

Thank you for such great words. I appreciate your attention.

Yes, I'm still studying in University (Masters degree), but I'm married and don't live with my parents anymore. When we are going to visit my parents, I just pray to God to see my father sober. And when I see him drunk, I just back in time and all my feelings from the past are bombarding my mind...

Seren

Growing up in a home with active alcoholism affects people well into their adult lives--even if the alcoholic thinks he or she is 'hiding it' from the children.

If and when you feel comfortable, you might want to read through our Adult Children of Addicted/Alcoholic Parents forum. You will find many people there who understand exactly what it is like growing up with an alcoholic parent.

Adult Children of Addicted/Alcoholic Parents - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Congratulations on your Masters Degree work! Are you close to defending your thesis?

honeypig

Welcome to SR, Hope. Glad you found us here and hoping you are able to educate yourself about alcoholism and find some support for yourself. Read as much as you can here, and make sure not to miss the stickies at the top of the page.

You may also want to check the Adult Children of Alcoholics section of the forum Adult Children of Addicted/Alcoholic Parents - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information as that may be helpful to you also. It's nice to have real-world as well as online support, IMHO.

Is it possible for you to find an ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) or an Alanon meeting? Either one would probably be useful for you in regards to detaching from your father's behaviors and setting boundaries for yourself to help you remain peaceful.

Again, welcome, and I hope you find comfort and help in this forum.

HopeIsHere

Thank you guys for your support.
Seren, 1 more year))
honeypig, I'm not sure about this...I mean, I'm not hiding that fact about my father, I can understand him "WHY" he drinks, I want to know why he is OK with it.

I don't know, maybe I should thx to my father, coz I don't drink alcohol at all (with yoga help). I look at my brother and sometime I see that he acts like father. I mean he drinks alcohol ( but maybe I become a paranoic) with out any limits.
So I'm asking myself, can it is be genetic?
What is the % that my children can get this s***t.

I'm sorry for my English(

choublak

Well if your father grew up in an alcoholic home himself, it's probably all he knows, for example.

HopeIsHere

But this mean that this system effects on me too. Right?
But looking at my family, I knew for sure that I don't want to be the same. And I want to show him another way of life. Happiness and joy

How I could help my brother? He is older then me (+6 years). I feel that he is still can't perceive me, coz I'm his lil sister.

honeypig

Hope, that's why I recommended Alanon for you. You cannot change your father. You can only change yourself. However much you want to "show him another way of life", he will only see it when/if he is ready, and it certainly doesn't sound like he's anywhere near ready. If all we had to do to change/cure our A's was to "show them another way of life", this forum would not exist, nor would AA, Alanon, rehab centers, etc. An addict will only get help when he is ready, and not one moment before, regardless of how much others try to "help."

Have you had a chance to read much here? Have you looked at the stickies at the top of the page? Have you read this one? http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html

As I said before, educate yourself about alcoholism and you'll begin to see "why he is OK with it." You'll also begin to see why you may need to detach and let go rather than focusing your efforts on "showing him another way."

choublak

That doesn't really answer the question though.

HopeIsHere

Yes, thank you.

lizatola

I'm sorry you are struggling. My dad was an alcoholic and I was really affected by it while in college as his drinking was increasing. My dad admitted to being an alcoholic and said he didn't care, either. He was not raised in an alcoholic home. But, I was. I had to set boundaries with my dad and his new wife once I got married. We lived across the country from him and I told him I didn't want to see him drunk. His wife helped me and would force my dad to comply with my wishes, especially after my son was born.

If I called him and he was drunk, I would politely get off the phone and try him the next day. Al Anon has really helped me do some serious soul searching and I encourage you to try the program in your area. You are not alone!

HopeIsHere

The same situation. When I hear him or see him drunk... I just get off. But after I feel like he stays in some line ( or time ), some kind of illusion that he doesn't able to understand and it is really upsets me.

I felt ok befor this forum (that was my illusion) now after that my story was written I understand that I'm not.

HopeIsHere

Well... I had a talk with my mom last Saturday. She told me that everything is going worst.
Usually my father drank about the week long but the rest of the month was sober. Now he drinks every 3 days and become very agressive. I'm worrying about my mom. He is screaming on he with no reason, breaks dishes and shuts the door when she trying to talk to him.
Damn...

hopeful4

I am so sorry. Yes, alcoholism is a progressive disease. You have good reason to worry about your mom. It really would be best for her to get away from him.

I am so so sorry. Please get support for you and for your mom if she is willing.

God Bless.