horriblethisis

I just broke up with my boyfriend of 3 months. I realized that he drinks too much. We have spoke about it, but I decided to end things. He is telling me that he will stop drinking and start living a healthly lifestyle. He said he does never want this to be the wedge that divides us. Do I believe him and give him a second chance, or just "date" him AND maybe others too, to give myslef a chance to see if his actions match his words? Thoughts...please!!!

SparkleKitty

Words don't mean anything. You have a relatively small investment of time here. It was wise of you to end things before you became too enmeshed with him.

Real recovery is incredibly selfish and difficult. If he's approaching it with everything he's got -- and he'll need to in order to be successful -- he won't have the time or energy to give you the kind of relationship you deserve. It might seem noble to stand by him (it might also feel wrong to walk away when he "needs" you, but that is a misconception, IMO), but there are no guarantees that you will be rewarded for doing so. Based on the experience in these threads, the odds are against it.

If you're still available and interested, maybe check back in with him in a year or two to see if his actions matched his words. That's, in my estimation, a minimum for how long it takes to walk the walk. Please don't hold up your life waiting for someone else to change. That would be doing yourself a great disservice.

Sending you strength and hugs.

Recovering2

You were smart to see the red flags early and end things. Lots of alcoholics "talk" about quitting....means nothing. Just not drinking doesn't make someone healthy. There is a tremendous amount of work that has to be done in real recovery. And, alot of A's will promise the sun moon and stars....in an effort to keep you enmeshed. If he is serious, he will get sober with or without you. I would not consider going back to the relationship until he has at least one good sober (no relapses) year.

hopeful4

This:
I know it is not what you want to hear, but going back would be alot of heartache for you.

HopeIsHere

Give him some time. He needs this time for thinking about values in his life. I use to know one great guy, he promissed to quit and told me frightning stories about cancer, but after several months I sow him in the same satuation...nothing changed, AND after several years he was alive))

But I know the couple who were in recovery center together (the girl was as a attendant). And they are still together.

AnvilheadII

hon, think HARD about where your life was and all that crap that addiction brought. you've known from the outset that this new guys drinks too much. and here we go on the "i'll get better, i promise" merry go round. you SURE you wanna do that crazy dance AGAIN?

doggonecarl

Good of you to catch it early, three months in. Still, with an exAH that drank, now a bf that drinks, you might step back and ask yourself why would you even think of putting yourself through this again.