Don't you just want to smack yourself??

Old 12-03-2013, 06:21 PM
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Angry Don't you just want to smack yourself??

Hello SR,

I'm a long time lurker here and have been in al anon for last 5 years. I'm pretty good at working my program, minding my own business, etc. etc. do I occasionally investigate? Yes especially if $$ is involved since my A is self employed and really hasn't contributed to household finances for last couple months since "business is slow." Finally had drawn my line in sand, he moved out, "working" his program, whatever. Long story short my own issues raised their heads... Holidays, anniversary, my idiotic need to believe that this time is different, you all know the routine. Anyhow, long story short... Yesterday was our 24th wedding anniversary, and happy anniversary to me, my A was drunk off his a&&, WTH?!?! I just wanted to ! What the hell was I thinking?!? Of course today he is all apologetic, yep too bad dude, it was yesterday and you missed it.

Who is that comedian with the "here's your sign routine????" Yep there's my sign!
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Old 12-03-2013, 06:37 PM
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Ole Jeff Foxworthy. lol

Heeeeeer'es yer sign.
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Old 12-03-2013, 09:09 PM
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So sorry about the lame anniversary disappointment. Even when you're braced for it, it still smarts.

I did finally learn with my XAbf to simply have no expectations. At all. I finally got it when he ruined his own birthday. He was too drunk the day before to remember we made plans, and too hung over the day of to see me anyway.

In fact, I haven't seen him since (July). I guess that was MY sign!

We are still in touch, occasionally, however; so when my DD's birthday rolled around (whom he claimed to love like his own), I actually kinda thought he would remember, care, be sober enough to mail a card, call her, email, act like a normal human?

OOps. Not. He totally spaced it, of course; and then I got a weird drunken text the next day saying he had "tried" to wish her happy birthday (what, with smoke signals?), and if it didn't get through to her, to please pass it on.

Yes, I want to smack myself. For maintaining, stupidly, even a shred of hope and connection.

Time to cut that last cord. No new contact = no new pain.
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Old 12-04-2013, 09:52 AM
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I hear you. ABF goes off for weekends to drinking camp...I mean hunting camp, and comes back smelling like a still and looking like he beat himself up.

I think I need a weekend of my own away up in the hills to kick my own a$& too....in a much different way than he does.
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Old 12-04-2013, 10:03 AM
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you can be the difference...........

maybe just for today, allow yourself to be all you need..

letting go of the expectations we have of others can be quite liberating/freeing

Wishing you peace.
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Old 12-04-2013, 10:13 AM
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I can so relate to everyone here! I still keep I touch with my XAB but know when to walk away and stay away now. Like you said no new contact = no new pain. He got sick with a stomach bug and switched to Gatorade instead of his daily case of Budweiser but goes to the bar and has them spike his Gatorade with vodka! I know about the expectations that you learn not to have because of all the broken promises and disappointments. Thanks for sharing your posts. I still have my days when I miss him and hope for things to be different. Coming here helps
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Old 12-05-2013, 12:23 AM
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My boyfriend told me two days ago on our anniversary that it gets overlooked sometimes bc my birthday is so close to it. Can just see whT marriage would be like. Sorry that happened to you, you are validated in being frustrated and human, ((hug)).
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