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I took a baby step.....

Old 06-14-2002, 02:08 PM
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Arrow I took a baby step.....

Hey everyone...Hope everybody is off to a good weekend.

I am proud of the fact I finally went to the doctor. He put me on Celexa, and gave me another kind of prescription for something I have never heard of and told me to only take one if I am have severe feelings of aniexty. I am officaly scared of that one and proboably wont take it. I am though going to take the celexa and see him again in a month. He is also making me a referral to a therapist, he thinks the combination will work wonders for me. Once talking about my situation, and the fact I was trying to stay in Al-anon online and in face to face meetings, he listened, and told me I dont jave to feel this way, there is some medication to help.
I know this isn't going to take away all the pain, but if it will help, thats what I hope for. I have never taken any anti-depressants before. I feel a small shimmer of hope, I like that.

My A left night before last, and I have not seen or heard from him since. He mysteriously parked my car up the street from our home, I assume he is with the other woman. No words, just empty promises about how he was going to the temp. employment place to work yesterday,as he knows finances are horrible with us right now. He told me this before he left. It has been almost 2 days, I've not heard a thing. I have cried, screamed,and driven around with no destination point...

I am at the point where I know I need help, and I am not going to sit around anymore in limbo, when help is out there for me.

stick a fork in me I am done..
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Old 06-14-2002, 02:30 PM
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Good for you Bonbon,

Keep up the good work. You are worth so much more and you'll know that soon.

I'm starting some Prozac myself tomorrow. I'm afraid to take it, but I've been depressed for too many years. Even though I manage depression well, I'm tired of it.

I've never taken medication so we'll just wait and see. If I start acting strange, remind me that it might be the Prozac.

I've heard that new medication can actually increase anxiety at first. I'm not sure if I could handle that.

I'm sure the other pills the doctor gave you are probably addictive, so use them cautiously.

Keep it up Bonbon, you deserve better.

Hugs,

MG
 
Old 06-14-2002, 02:34 PM
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Hi Bonbon

My doctor also gave me an antidepressant for daily use and an anxiety medication for emergency use. The daily one didn't agree with me and I tried a different one and had problems, so stopped them and just took my emergency ones.

They work for me. My prescription is almost a year old and I have taken less than half of the 60 pills I have. And I had no bad reaction to these.

Anyway, the medication can help you quite a bit,
and help you stabilize while you work on your recovery and get back to a better healthier routine for yourself.

I know this is a difficult time, financially, but if you sit down and do the math, you can prepare a plan that works. Creditors like credit card companies will accept a payment plan that works for you, as long as you don't use the cards until they are back in shape. If you talk to them about this and tell them your alternative is bankrupcy (they hate THAT word...it means they would get nothing) and that you are trying to work things out, they will work with you. As an accountant, I have recommended this to many of my clients who were in financial trouble. And sometimes for them, even filing personal bankrupcy relieved them of the present debt entirely and they were able to start over fresh. It was a huge load off their shoulders. If you have questions about this, PM me and I can tell you who to talk to about helping you with this.

But you CAN make it on your own. You WILL survive, and someday soon you will be so very much happier.

Hugs
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Old 06-15-2002, 02:38 AM
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**********{bonbon}}}}}}}

I know what you are going thru. My doctor just prescribed an anti-depressant for me and even though I hadn't been taking it long, maybe it did help me to remain focused enough not to totally loose my mind when the A was missing.

I know I need to focus on me now. I always knew that recently but the focus would always return to him. I know I can do it, I have to do it! I am determined. I also know you can do it too!!

Hang in there, keep your chin up and know that we are all here for you.

Many hugs.
Love,
Debbie
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Old 06-15-2002, 05:47 AM
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YOU GO GIRL!!! I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO proud of you.... see me in my chulpa bunny suit and pink pom poms cheering for you in my office..... my neighbors think i am insane - but who cares

See that didn't hurt now did it??? and I am going to say TAKE BOTH MEDS WHEN NEEDED!!!!! don't be freaful of the other one - it will help you and asllonong as you take it as perscribed - keep and open and honest dialog with yourself and your docotr - you will be fine.....

As I said on the other board- you are not your addict, but you need th use what is going to help you get back to an even keel.... Celexa is WONDERFUL because it is designed for a woman..... it not only helps with the depression but you should find that it also evens out your female hormomes - I LOVE the stuff.....FABULOUS FABULOUS invention.....

You will survive... my suggestion for the next step - get back to regular in person meetings..... having those will build your support group and you will eventually find you won't need to other medication for axiety... you will only get into trobule if you withdraw into yourself.....

OH i am SO SO SO PROUD of you.... I feel like the mom and watching one of my babies who i adore SO much take her first step.... I am just beaming for you!!!

this made my weekend!!!

Love
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Old 06-15-2002, 10:14 AM
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Thank you all for your support. Still no word from my A, but I took my first pill last night. I feel a teenie tiny difference, but its more like a drowsy like feeling, I like it though, it is for sure a start. I'm trying to do the best I can. In speaking with people who know my A, he apparently was up to his antics before the dissaperance once again, The crack. The more I look at the situation, the more I see he keeps running to a place where drugs and money are VERY EASY to come by, especially with the other woman too.

I am so thankful for you all, I can do this, I am mad I didn't do it sooner. Ogly, I had nothing to be afraid of, you were SO right. It was just a matter of doing it. The doc even gave me these first 30 days free, until I come back in a month to see him. I thought that was nice.

I am looking foward to the therapy with the hopes it will help me even more. I will have to see.

Thank you all for your help and prayers....
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Old 06-15-2002, 05:16 PM
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The anti depressants will take about a month to fully kick in but the therapy will help right away - and NO beatting yourself up for not doing this sooner.... that will negate your progress.... you did it when it was right for you and that is ALL you look at - no looking backwards - AT ALL!!!

see folks - here is a perfect example where Bonbon had created a what if situation that frightened her into doing nothing and I bet that not one thing she imagined would happen happened when she took this step.... Fear is a VERY VERY power emotion folks - stronger and more powerful that love at times and 10 times more destructive...but all it is, is an emotion... and emotions can be changed.... folks don't imagine what if's.... just move forward and be secure in the knowledge that you can handle anything that is thrown your way....

Love
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Old 06-15-2002, 05:24 PM
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Glad it's working for you Bonbon. and I am happy that you are looking after yourself.

And listen to Ogly - of all the many valuable things I have learned from Ogly, the biggest is "stop second-guessing". Second guessing is an invitation to fear. It is a "what if". And it is something I used to do all the time and didn't even notice. And it is a great lesson to me. Thank you Ogly.

I think the healing has begun Bonbon, and the strength you have shown is to be admired.

You are in my prayers.

Hugs
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Old 06-17-2002, 03:31 AM
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Hi Bonbon,

Thumbs up to you!!!!!!! I'm soooooooooo proud of you...... The med's will help calm you and help with not obsessing so much so you can focus on your recovery. I care about you so much. You are a wonderful person and deserve so much more out of life. Way to go...

Love,
Galnva
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