Full Steam Straight Ahead

Old 12-03-2013, 10:09 AM
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Full Steam Straight Ahead

It's finally happening!

I pounded my thick head so many times and I am satisfied that that was perhaps enough.

No more relying on anyone else. XAH, family, men, lawyers and judges, therapists and doctors.

Nope. Only one person to count on here and that is me.

I don't know what changed exactly, but it started with going back to the US, meeting my lawyer for the first time, seeing my house that XAH has destroyed, and getting no where with anyone, really.

I stopped feeling so ambivalent and guilty. I concentrated on one big problem : the US judge ordering AH to keep his American health insurance to cover us. But we live overseas and it doesnt. My lawyer didnt help, the judge refused to see me when I flew back to the US to fix the problem, XAH and the grandparents did nothing - but I am fixing it here all on my own.

Then I am making progress on the job search (and if one more of you sends me a nasty go find a job comment I am calling the SR police because you have no idea what it is to live in a foreign country, learn another language, and take on a job search with 4 children who come home for lunch and having been out of the workforce for 18 years and no one to help). I am having work done on my apartment. I am holding the limits with my children.

Simply, don't stand in my way cause I have had enough b**l from everyone and I am coming through.

Thanks for listening.
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Old 12-03-2013, 10:24 AM
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Dear Pippi---For what it is worth, I have never doubted your determination to struggle and fight for the welfare of yourself and your children. I know that you have been up against a well connected, wealthy and cruel personality disorder--Narcissist as well as alcoholic.

You have struggled uphill with almost insurmountable odds, at times. Those who have dealt with personality disorders, will, on doubt, recognize that dealing with a sociopath is a special level of Hel*.

In short--I am in your corner, Sister!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dandylion
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Old 12-03-2013, 10:25 AM
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Well Pippi....I am so proud of you! It has clicked! Good for you!

Will it be an easy road? No...you have already experienced that. Will it get better? YES! Because you are depending on you and leaving all the BS (pardon my language) behind!

I cannot imagine how hard it has to be getting usto things overseas. Eventually you will though. You and your children will make it through!

Hugs and Many Blessings!
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Old 12-03-2013, 10:27 AM
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You go girl!

Glad things are breaking through in a positive way for you.
It will build its own momentum
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Old 12-03-2013, 10:37 AM
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Originally Posted by PippiLngstockng View Post
It's finally happening!

I pounded my thick head so many times and I am satisfied that that was perhaps enough.

No more relying on anyone else. XAH, family, men, lawyers and judges, therapists and doctors.

Nope. Only one person to count on here and that is me.
woooooow!

Long "flash to bang" time, but when you get it, you get it.

Super.

Remember is not just about applying your Force, but the Direction of that Force.

For direction, wiser folks than me always seem to recommend Good. Orderly. Direction. (G.O.D., that is).

You Go Girl!
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Old 12-03-2013, 11:04 AM
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I think everyone here probably can look back and say why it 'took them so long' to shake out of an A's clutches.

For me:

a). I have had man 'in love' with me in my life since my teens. There has always been someone caring for me, changing the lightbulbs and buying me dinner. I had no real father growing up, and I always craved one plus I am size 4 and everyone always runs to hoist my luggage onto the train even if I can bench press more than a lot of fellows.

b). I moved abroad, left a lifetime of contacts and know how to start all over in another world altogether

c). I didn't realize the alcoholism and narcissism until a year ago and I couldn't even reckon with the narcissism until I figured out the addiction piece.

d). AH always insisted on doing and controlling everything so I had to relearn a lot of grown up stuff;

e). I was worn out and shocked by the constant abuse.

I wonder what makes it hard for others to pick up and move on independently?
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Old 12-03-2013, 11:29 AM
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I was worn out and shocked by the constant abuse.

Yeah. I felt that too, and when I got away from it I was just too numb to do more than go through the motions for awhile.
I was an exchange student in HS (France) and I totally feel you about learning a language and assimilating. I can't imagine looking for work on top of that. I had enough on my hands with school. You'll get there, though. With the language thing, it's sort of like an "AHA" moment with that too. One day you're struggling to get on with the basics, then you wake up and realized you were dreaming in another language.
I follow your posts and am always rooting for you, even if I don't comment. Sounds like you're doing much better. Thanks for posting, sending lots of positive energy your way!
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Old 12-03-2013, 01:25 PM
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Originally Posted by PippiLngstockng View Post
No more relying on anyone else. XAH, family, men, lawyers and judges, therapists and doctors.

Nope. Only one person to count on here and that is me.


I'm so happy to hear that you are making progress Pippi!!!!
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Old 12-03-2013, 01:27 PM
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YOU. ARE. ROCKING. THIS!!!!

Good for you. Full steam ahead is right! You GO girl!!!!
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Old 12-03-2013, 02:31 PM
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GOOD FOR YOU!

e). I was worn out and shocked by the constant abuse.
Me too. But maybe more scarily (now) is how easily I accepted his behavior as normal. What I know now is that I was surrounded by struggling people, grew up in an emotionally unstable home, and sought out relationships with other people like me who easily overlooked unacceptable behavior. I can say now, without too much embarrassment, that a lot of my behavior was unhealthy also. I looked at healthy people and didn't understand them -- how could they be so carefree? How did life come to them so easily??? I didn't realize it was accessible to me, too.

So, my experience anyway was that not only was I exhausted and demoralized, but I had accepted exhausted and demoralized as my constant state of being long before AH showed up to put me down and siphon off my money. When he started these things, it wasn't that far from normal.
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Old 12-03-2013, 04:45 PM
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Go, Pippi, go!!!!

I don't think I've commented much on your threads as I really have no experience for your situation, though I've often read them and felt your pain. You have always sounded very strong to me, and I felt like SR was the place you really let off your steam & raged at your A and the world as need be. Hey, that's what it's for. I always had the impression you knew what needed to be done, just weren't there yet.

Good for you, I know I'm rooting for you as I believe most (if not all) of SR is too!!
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Old 12-03-2013, 05:24 PM
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PippiLngstockng, there is an SR police???)?

Good luck!
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Old 12-03-2013, 05:55 PM
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Originally Posted by Raider View Post
PippiLngstockng, there is an SR police???)?

Good luck!
ummmm, yeah.

I have met them.

For behaviors including kicking Pippi in the shins on the playground.

They used to come knocking on my door about once a week.

Now, maybe once a month.

Must be either:

They are getting more tolerant of me; or
They are getting lazy; or
There are bigger problems to deal with; or

I am getting better.

I will tell myself that I am getting better.
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Old 12-03-2013, 06:52 PM
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Originally Posted by Raider View Post
PippiLngstockng, there is an SR police???)?
Good luck!
Yes, they are SR moderators. They do a pretty good job though.
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Old 12-03-2013, 06:57 PM
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Originally Posted by PippiLngstockng View Post

e). I was worn out and shocked by the constant abuse.

I wonder what makes it hard for others to pick up and move on independently?
Yeah. That was it for me. I have been out for about six months and I am still looking over my shoulder and second guessing myself and it takes moments or longer to remember I don't have to explain myself or be scared if I am out later than he thinks - THOUGHT! - I should be, etc. I think it's easy to underestimate the effect that constant abuse has on one's energy level and one's emotions.
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Old 12-03-2013, 07:02 PM
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Well, all I can say is good for you. Sometimes we don't get what we have coming to us. Gotta cut our losses, and just move on. I think that makes sense. I wish you well.
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Old 12-03-2013, 07:48 PM
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Pippi, since you haven't worked in quite a while have you considered going back to school just to take a class or two? It might help get your mind off things and prepare you for a brighter future.
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