Things Went Nuclear

Old 12-05-2013, 01:26 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Yunno WI, I was pondering this as I was walking around the grocery store a bit ago -- loading up for some Wisconsin weather about to hit Texas . . .

WHY in the world is it the LAST thing we turn to is God? When it would just be so much smarter to start there?

Not saying anything about anyone in that. Except maybe -- Me, Too.

Why would we go to the best source last?
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Old 12-05-2013, 02:02 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Hammer, that is a really, really good question. When I first found Al Anon 3+ years ago, I had to work really, REALLY hard to remember to pray in my darkest moments. It seriously took me over a YEAR to start closing my eyes in those moments of extreme anxiety and start saying in my head "Please God [I identify my HP as God], help me."

I'm sure different people have different experiences. I was raised attending church...not regularly, but not only on holidays either. Maybe 1-2 Sundays a month. I was raised in a very liberal church, and some religious concepts of guilt and punishment are TOTALLY foreign to me. I was raised to believe in a loving, benevolent God. There was no fire and brimstone, and I never felt the need to "rebel" against the religious teachings I received as a kid. My beliefs have of course evolved as I have gotten older, but I could still walk back into that same church and sit down with the same people and feel welcome and included.

I think, FOR ME, it was partly because I grew up as a "smart kid." I used my smarts to get scholarships to college and law school. I used my smarts to leave a blue collar life behind and achieve a professional career. I was raised to believe that the more you know, the better off you are. Knowledge is power. Reason and logic can play a huge role in being successful in life. And all of that. So I think that it was very hard for me, in times of crisis, to let go of my belief that if I just reasoned my way through it and applied my smarts, everything would be OK. Not only wasn't I turning things over to my HP, I wasn't even really taking the time to think about how I FELT about things. It was always about what was logical, and what made "sense" objectively. I experienced motherhood, career crises, a divorce, a very ill parent, a troubled brother...all without *really* turning to my HP. It wasn't until the bottom truly dropped out of my life...my beloved husband relapsing, losing my job, moving 60 miles away from my daughters and having to endure a YEARS long process to update all the parenting stuff with my ex-husband, my mother dying...that I FINALLY acknowledged I could not reason or think my way out of this.

I always felt like I was generally doing OK as a human being. Even when I was trying to outsmart all the problems that came my way, I was a nice person, living according to the principles I believe God has set out for me. My attitude about the world hasn't really changed a whole lot. I still believe that 99.999% of people in the world are good people. I still believe the glass is half full. I still believe in letting go of resentment and negativity. I still believe in being kind and respectful to people, unless they have demonstrated in a very definite way that they do not deserve it...and then I detach (although I didn't call it detachment back then)...I have never believed in cruelty or retribution when someone hurts me. The big shift for me was a very personal one...I was so busy being "smart" about my place in the world that I ended up being incredibly dumb and completely forgot that it is my HP who loves me unconditionally, no matter what. My HP provides the example for me about what true, pure love is. I can talk to my HP about anything. Ask my HP for help, for guidance, for support. My HP doesn't call me names, or tell me I am unreasonable or irrational. I may not receive a message I particularly like at the moment I receive it, but I have come to TRUST my HP in a way that I never did. Not because I actively DISTRUSTED my HP, but because it just never occurred to me to trust.

So the short answer? For years, I was too smart, and too self-sufficient for my own good.
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Old 12-05-2013, 02:08 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Wisconsin View Post

So the short answer? For years, I was too smart, and too self-sufficient for my own good.
A whole of yep, on that, too.

And yep, on a bunch of the rest.

Suppose this is what maybe humble starts to feel like.

Not soooo bad, I guess.
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