I don't buy the "trigger" thing

Old 12-03-2013, 04:29 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Sober since 10th April 2012
 
FeelingGreat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,052
I have certain triggers, but they trigger cravings. Whether I give in to the cravings is the important part. There are definitely situations where I'm tempted, but have developed the tools to resist temptation. To me that's the difference that makes for a successful recovery.
FeelingGreat is offline  
Old 12-03-2013, 11:41 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Member
 
choublak's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,768
Real or not, triggers are the alcoholic's responsibility to handle.
choublak is offline  
Old 12-03-2013, 12:00 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 431
I'm not an A but I have triggers - it's one thing I work on in therapy. My main triggers involve invasions of privacy....you know it's a trigger because you have a snap reaction - one you just do you don't think about or even have a chance to you just react. Sometimes angrily for me (one of my issues) and sometimes with a food binge. If you google search psychological trigger you can get some good insight.

Since I have them I know they are real...I also know you can train yourself to recognize them and eventually manage them
Aeryn is offline  
Old 12-03-2013, 12:24 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Member
 
Florence's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
I've always interpreted "trigger" as the gnarly reminder of The Bad Place and all the feelings that go with it. You can't make the world control its triggers, but you can control your exposure to them by changing your playgrounds and playthings.

I was familiarized with "triggers" through sexual assault counseling, when my PTSD would flare up. I had to learn to limit exposure to things like violent movies, for example, and people who pushed my buttons/boundaries, etc. For those of us predisposed to this kind of obsessive brain activity FOR WHATEVER REASON, though addiction or trauma or depression or whatever, recognizing triggers is a way to identify weak links in your recovery, walk yourself through your program, and learn to live a new way.

"I drank because______________" is not a trigger. It's the beginning of a sentence seeking to minimize and explain away the consequences of the disease from the listener, and maybe the speaker too. It's a red herring.

We've all had hard lives -- and we are still all responsible for our choices and accountable to our friends and families, whether we like it or not. Having hardship is not an excuse to ruin the lives of others.
Florence is offline  
Old 12-03-2013, 12:27 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Toronto
Posts: 318
Originally Posted by hopeful4 View Post
My AH admitted the other day in counseling that sometimes he drinks just b/c he is bored. While I was extremely frustrated...(really,,,you are bored), I was at least relieved not to hear an excuse.

Grrrrr.....
This was one of my reasons for drinking. Simply from being really board. I would have rather bored being Wasted, then Bored being sober. Its really that simple. A huge portion of my recovery is finding things to do. When I am doing something I simply do not think of drinking
Lifewillgetbet is offline  
Old 12-03-2013, 12:47 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Member
 
Lyssy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 380
Really trying to understand - so would it be fair/correct to say triggers could equal PTSD (say for the abused)?

What is a Trigger? | Psych Central

After reading above, I know that I have issues with watching movies/tv with anything that resembles verbal/emotional abuse - it makes me very uncomfortable, but doesn't trigger any real reaction from me other than I may change the channel or leave the room and may increase my anxiety slightly.

I am really trying to figure out what is the codependency actions/reactions and what is "normal" actions/reactions to situations.
Lyssy is offline  
Old 12-03-2013, 01:00 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
Member
 
choublak's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,768
I meant to say, whether an alcoholic is actually around a trigger, or making an excuse to continue drinking, that's his or her own problem to handle.
choublak is offline  
Old 12-03-2013, 01:01 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
jacrazz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Here and now
Posts: 325
My RXABF used the word "notion" in relation with drinking....I found his choice of words interesting so I looked it up.......

notion-an idea about doing something; an impulse or desire, esp. one of a whimsical kind

I like that word
jacrazz is offline  
Old 12-03-2013, 01:11 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
Member
 
FireSprite's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,784
Originally Posted by Lyssy View Post
Really trying to understand - so would it be fair/correct to say triggers could equal PTSD (say for the abused)?

What is a Trigger? | Psych Central

After reading above, I know that I have issues with watching movies/tv with anything that resembles verbal/emotional abuse - it makes me very uncomfortable, but doesn't trigger any real reaction from me other than I may change the channel or leave the room and may increase my anxiety slightly.

I am really trying to figure out what is the codependency actions/reactions and what is "normal" actions/reactions to situations.
In my understanding, yes, definitely similar. And all triggers are not equal, we feel them in varying degrees depending on our abuses. Maybe for an alcoholic a trigger spurs a dramatic or obvious reaction that results in them relapsing & drinking but it's not always so black & white for us Codies.

For me all of my reactions are pretty subtle, but still damaging to me. Maybe I feel insecure because my A is out super late & no longer answering my texts or calls which triggers my feelings of abandonment left unresolved from my childhood with an AF... so I respond by eating my weight in chocolate & Doritos. I can control what I eat even when I can't control his behavior, you see? Illogical? Yes, definitely!

Your example to me is a mild reaction to a trigger, but a reaction nonetheless when you change that channel or leave the room. Without the trigger you wouldn't hit this snag - you would just continue watching the movie, you wouldn't become personally affected.

It's not always violence that creates triggers - verbal abuse, emotional manipulations, abandonment, etc. all provide wonderful breeding ground for future triggers.

In a way triggers show us how far we've come to be healthier as a result of our recoveries - if we were still living in that frame of mind mentally we wouldn't "trigger" it would be part of our day-in-day-out lives, right? Sometimes triggers show us the distance between where we were & how far we've come. JMHO
FireSprite is offline  
Old 12-03-2013, 01:52 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
Member
 
Lyssy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 380
Originally Posted by FireSprite View Post
In my understanding, yes, definitely similar. And all triggers are not equal, we feel them in varying degrees depending on our abuses. Maybe for an alcoholic a trigger spurs a dramatic or obvious reaction that results in them relapsing & drinking but it's not always so black & white for us Codies.

For me all of my reactions are pretty subtle, but still damaging to me. Maybe I feel insecure because my A is out super late & no longer answering my texts or calls which triggers my feelings of abandonment left unresolved from my childhood with an AF... so I respond by eating my weight in chocolate & Doritos. I can control what I eat even when I can't control his behavior, you see? Illogical? Yes, definitely!

Your example to me is a mild reaction to a trigger, but a reaction nonetheless when you change that channel or leave the room. Without the trigger you wouldn't hit this snag - you would just continue watching the movie, you wouldn't become personally affected.

It's not always violence that creates triggers - verbal abuse, emotional manipulations, abandonment, etc. all provide wonderful breeding ground for future triggers.

In a way triggers show us how far we've come to be healthier as a result of our recoveries - if we were still living in that frame of mind mentally we wouldn't "trigger" it would be part of our day-in-day-out lives, right? Sometimes triggers show us the distance between where we were & how far we've come. JMHO
Thank you very much. This really helped. Just like the A's avoid situations that may cause them to drink, we can avoid situations that make us codies insane (my term relating to me)! I think this is where I am. I truly feel I need distance from my rAH so that I can heal and get healthy. I am discovering several things that trigger negative responses in me relating to different situations with him - especially his control (or at least my perception of what he is doing as control) along with some other issues. I just can't figure out how to get the distance and time alone without physically leaving.

Hind site - I wish that I had not allowed him to come home shortly after detox/rehab, maybe things would be different now, but water under the bridge and I have to deal with what is now.
Lyssy is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:32 AM.