Need to know I'm not crazy, advice needed
Ruby 
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Hi Ruby
Congratulations for working on your recovery and staying sober despite what is going on at home.
. Being a double winner in early sobriety is tough but supporting and running a household with some little ones while being abused on top of it? Kudos.
I do not have any words of wisdom but just wanted to give you a hug and confirm what the others said that you are NOT crazy. I am also concerned about the mental abuse and hope that it does not escalate and become physical. I agree with Fandy about booting him out but you are probably not ready yet. Please call the DV hotline though and see what options are out there and have a quick exit plan in case he starts flipping out.
Congratulations for working on your recovery and staying sober despite what is going on at home.
. Being a double winner in early sobriety is tough but supporting and running a household with some little ones while being abused on top of it? Kudos.I do not have any words of wisdom but just wanted to give you a hug and confirm what the others said that you are NOT crazy. I am also concerned about the mental abuse and hope that it does not escalate and become physical. I agree with Fandy about booting him out but you are probably not ready yet. Please call the DV hotline though and see what options are out there and have a quick exit plan in case he starts flipping out.
Recovered
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 1,129
I was in the same boat.
Here is what I did:
1. I disengaged from AH and his side of the street. DISENGAGE. I couldn't worry about AH or his issues. I HAD to get SOBER. With or without him.
2. I worked the steps in AA.
3. I worked the steps in Alanon.
AH either had to get sober or leave. 18 months after I got my AA white chip, he got his. We went from "definitely getting a divorce" to "we are better than ever". We are now sober 4.5 years and 3 years, respectively.
Here is what I did:
1. I disengaged from AH and his side of the street. DISENGAGE. I couldn't worry about AH or his issues. I HAD to get SOBER. With or without him.
2. I worked the steps in AA.
3. I worked the steps in Alanon.
AH either had to get sober or leave. 18 months after I got my AA white chip, he got his. We went from "definitely getting a divorce" to "we are better than ever". We are now sober 4.5 years and 3 years, respectively.
My brain is trying to kill me
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Palo Alto, ca
Posts: 401
Hugs Ruby.
I'm a double winner as well. I am also very active in my recovery program. Your post is a great reminder that just being sober does not work for 99.9% of us.
I'm gratefulf or your post, and my active plan for my life sober.
I'm a double winner as well. I am also very active in my recovery program. Your post is a great reminder that just being sober does not work for 99.9% of us.
I'm gratefulf or your post, and my active plan for my life sober.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Originally Posted by mfanch 
I was in the same boat.
Here is what I did:
1. I disengaged from AH and his side of the street. DISENGAGE. I couldn't worry about AH or his issues. I HAD to get SOBER. With or without him.
2. I worked the steps in AA.
3. I worked the steps in Alanon.
Here is what I did:
1. I disengaged from AH and his side of the street. DISENGAGE. I couldn't worry about AH or his issues. I HAD to get SOBER. With or without him.
2. I worked the steps in AA.
3. I worked the steps in Alanon.
AH either had to get sober or leave. 18 months after I got my AA white chip, he got his. We went from "definitely getting a divorce" to "we are better than ever". We are now sober 4.5 years and 3 years, respectively.
IF BOTH are each WORKING THEIR OWN PROGRAM . . . .
"we are better than ever"
mfanch, I hope you are sponsoring some folks and hope they understand how fortunate they are.
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